February 25, 2011

Thank you, Recovering and Support After Miscarriage

Today, I just want to say - Thank you, so much - to all of you who have offered love and support over the last few days in response to this post about my harrowing miscarriage experience last week. I have been feeling physically stronger - and that has led me to the second and probably harder part of recovery from miscarriage, dealing with the loss of our small one. It hits me at the strangest times and for the most improbable reasons.

I have been surprised by the lack of readily available support for women recovering physically and emotionally from miscarriage. Perhaps because the loss of such a young baby is almost an invisible experience, our culture doesn't really know how to acknowledge it past the initial incident - if it is acknowledged at all. Part of that may also be due to our reticence to share because it is such a personal and deep pain.

But more than one of you told me that when you did share, the response you received left you feeling your grief was over-dramatic or not legitimate. I may be in the throes of my own experience but I'm logical enough to say, if you have lost a child at any point in its development, your loss is real and legitimate and grief-worthy. I am not really in a place of being to give strength in this moment, I do hope for solidarity with those of you who are or who have been where I am now.

Because I chose to be so open (which felt very vulnerable and kind of scary), I received many thoughtful messages from friends and strangers about our experience. But, I was also surprised at the number of friends who didn't respond to the private email I sent - which was brief and to a very short list. I think many people are just overwhelmed by what this event means to a loved one and don't know what to say.

And - I intend to put together the resources I encounter as I intentionally and gently face my loss and grief. I will create a section for it - and post a regular update what it is like to recover from miscarriage.

As I said before, this is a decision that requires me to be more emotionally exposed than I usually allow myself to be in this space. But, this should not be something we are silent about as women - or families. It shouldn't be so hard to find information or hope past miscarriage. It's important to mark the experience, grieve the dreams and expectations that disappeared with that little one and to go on with the encouragement and strength of others and the hope of future joys.

I am surrounded by wise, kind, encouraging people. Thank you again for all that you have given me this week. It empowers me and inspires me to give back to others who have been in this place.

Sincerely - Monna

1 comment:

  1. You are so brave to share your experience. Loss in general seems to be held as such a private affair. Which boggles me. Anyone who is suffering a loss should never feel that their loss isn't substantial. Regardless of who or why. Sending you tons of positive and healing energy.


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