"Someday" is a Dangerous Word

Someday is a word with a rather fanciful quality about it, isn't it? It is often imbued with unfulfilled longings, wistful nostalgia about who we used to be or dreams of what we might become - eventually.

Lately I've been thinking "someday" isn't as much fanciful as it is dangerous because we often use it to describe a day that never comes. For example...

"Someday", I'll lose weight and fit into those size 6 jeans again.

We'll get married "someday", when we can afford a wedding.

"Someday", I'll learn to say no to extra activities that eat up my spare moments and do what I'm really dreaming of.

"Someday" when things slow down, we'll go get that coffee and catch up!

"Someday", when we make more money, we'll stop using credit and pay with cash.


I'll open that coffee shop "someday" when I'm feeling more brave.


"Someday", when I'm finally back to my "real" size, I'll go shopping for that new wardrobe. In the meantime, these old clothes will do. It'll motivate me.


"Someday", we'll go on that vacation. I just can't take time off work right now. 

The problem with "Someday" is that someday never comes.

And all those dreams and hopes about what you want your life to be are just wistful thinking until you -

Set a goal

Make a plan

and

Execute it. 

What "someday" have you been putting off? Stop using the word "someday" and do it!

The Barbie Party

Now that we're done philosophizing about present opening at kid's parties, here's what we served. I hate to admit I completely forgot to photograph it because I was so stinking busy having fun and running back to my house to let people into the bathroom at my house. (Older townhouse pool = no public bathroom) Oh well. It is kind of a bummer because the food was delicious and we had a wonderful time eating it. Alas! I'll tell you about it anyway!

We decided to go for a tea party theme, since Barbie is kind of like a princess. Princesses have tea parties all the time, right?

The beautiful barbie cake.  You can see our refreshing drinks in the background!

We served three different tea sandwiches, goat cheese and cucumber, pb and J for the kids, and egg salad (thanks Mom-in-law!). I also ran across a delicious cold orzo salad recipe just a few days before the party that turned out to be a huge hit. It was made with orzo, red onion, bacon, peas, mint and feta and it was incredible! There was also fruit, apple chips, potato chips (hey, everything can't be a break from tradition!), veggies with dip (thanks sis!) and cup cake cones with home made ice cream. Instead of soda, we served hibiscus tea with lime slices and water chilled overnight with pineapple, ginger and mint in it. It was delicious. And the crowning achievement was a fabulous (seriously, beautiful) Barbie cake decorated by my mother in law. The kids could not wait to taste it!

Cute fruit landscape courtesy of my Mother-in-Law

We decorated with barbie stuff, fresh flowers, balloons and streamers. And instead of plastic toys as party favors, we just gave the flowers to the little princesses. They didn't seem to notice the difference.

I was pretty excited about how it turned out, especially because it's the first part of that size I've hosted at our townhouse. Well, at the pool anyway. And the kids had a great time even though they had to run back to my house every time they needed to use the bathroom.

Here's a full length shot of the barbie and the roses we gave to the princesses in attendance.

 The best part is that after we came home, my husband sweetly sent me upstairs to take a nap while the girls played with the new toys and he cleaned up the remaining destruction. Could it get any better?

A Novel Approach to Life

The morning sun cast its first rays across the floor as she crept down the hall. A tingle pricked her forearms and slithered up her shoulders to her neck, turning into a full blown shudder as she gripped her weapon more tightly and placed her finger square on the trigger. As she reached the end of the hall, she paused, fearful of what she might find if she continued. But, she had no choice. This was the only way out. Taking a slow, silent breath, she gathered her courage and, weapon firmly clasped in her hands, rounded the corner. Just as she feared, he was there, waiting for her.

And, although she abhorred violence, she did not hesitate. She pulled the trigger, not once, not twice but over and over, shouting, "DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!" as she shot him - as though it would somehow make the end come more quickly. Confused by his sudden fall from power, he crawled toward her, thinking escape was possible. He was gone within seconds while she was left, panting and shaken, horrified by the thought that this wasn't the first time she'd lived this nightmare and that it wasn't likely to be the last.

This, my friends, is not, as you might imagine, a fiction. It is, in fact, a true story.

The heroine is - of course - me.

The target, is - a












COCKROACH!

Yes. That's right. I've interrupted our regularly scheduled Monday programming to bring you the saga of my personal battle against a cockroach (and his d*** friends) - and how that battle against these creatures of the night has changed my life and caused me to face some personal demons as well.

It all started a few months ago, when I was working downstairs late in the evening  - and discovered the biggest FR**king roach I've ever seen in my life. I stood, frozen and horrified as I watched it run at lightening speed around my freshly cleaned kitchen and spread it's nastiness everywhere.

"What do I do? What do I do?!" I thought as I stood there, unable to move. The thing had too many places to go for me to hit it successfully, not to mention that it was too darned fast! I did the only respectable thing a smart woman can do. I called my husband (who was soundly sleeping) - and let him play the hero. And, after he stumbled out of bed and miraculously managed to hit the thing with the first swat, even he was freaked out by it's size!

Now, in Arizona, we are lucky not to have many natural disasters. Nope. Instead we have flying roaches. My fear of these creepers dates back to childhood - and the encounters I had with them that emotionally scarred me. Now, I am not going to describe those events because I fear that even you might be unable to sleep tonight if you were to recall them before bed. You can see from this previous post how cool I am about handling them.

Suffice it to say that when I discovered this sewer roach who'd visited my house via a drain pipe had encouraged his friends to visit, horror does not begin to describe my response.

I embarked on a mission to make my house so perfectly clean that not a crumb, a drop of water or a smear of jelly remained anywhere as a repast for unwelcome guests. No toy could be left on the floor, no towel left damp, no wet clothing unwashed. EVERYTHING had a place and EVERYONE had to honor it - FROM NOW ON - NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!

If you're wondering why it seems like I am yelling, it's just so you get an idea of how lovely it was to live with me for the first month I spent shoring up every mess in my house and informing everyone when they failed to live up to my new standard of clean. I was a woman obsessed, terrorized by the possible and likely presence of these horrid creatures of the night who'd never visited before in the 10 years I'd lived here, though we'd never sprayed for bugs.

Now, you know, I am an organic mama and I didn't want to expose my kids to any nasty chemicals like bug foggers. So, I chose the natural route, diatomaceous earth and a clean house. Every day, I spent scouring the house like a possessed person, thinking if I just got it clean enough, they would more on because there was not food and no place to hide. I was embarrassed because I thought these creatures only visited dirty houses and so stressed I was jumpy for weeks and imagined them everywhere I looked. Talk about crazy!

Of course, after quite a bit of research on the subject, I discovered that sewer roaches can actually come up the drains (in any house!) or creep in through cracks in doors and other little spots. So, we covered our drains, filled in any holes, spread diatomaceous earth and learned how to kill them with a spray bottle of super-soapy water (no raid required!). That last is way easier than trying to catch them with a giant shoe because you can hit them before they even know you've detected their presence.

But more importantly than learning about how to eliminate a roach invasion in my house, I learned some important things about myself.

First, I re-discovered my inborn desire to keep my house just as clean as I want it to be (even with preschoolers) - something I inherited from my mother and my grandma. Before kids, I was a little bit nuts about things being orderly and living in a structured schedule. Around the time I had kids, a lot of other things were going on in my life with family and I felt completely overwhelmed by the influx of stuff that the birth of our children introduced into our townhouse. While I kept the house clean, it has never quite met my standard of organized.

Since the "guests" visited, I found new determination to get back to a house I feel good about inviting actual friends to visit. While I definitely went overboard at first in my crazy, exhausted state - snarling at everyone to follow the new rules, I am learning to follow a regular routine that allows me to maintain order and still have time with my kids. I haven't reached any kind of perfection but at least I'm heading toward a goal. It helps that my youngest is old enough to play with her big sister safely now and follow instructions fairly well.

The second lesson I learned through this is that being stressed about getting everything right isn't going to make this or any other challenge easier. One of life's more important lessons is how to move gracefully from one challenge to the next. Somehow, in the last few years, as I experienced significant loss in the death of my brother, mom and dad, I lost my ability to do this.

There was so much loss in such a short time that I was so helpless to affect, I became afraid of change. It definitely seemed like the changes weren't great ones. Anxiety and fear sort of shoved their way into my heart and I didn't feel I had the strength to fight them at first. I tried to cope with them by micro-managing the little things that I could control. I think part of me believed that if I could just get everything else just right in my life, I would be able to deal with the painful parts more efficiently. But this attitude only stressed me out and made my family miserable.

Who knew a simple cockroach could teach me such a valuable lesson about meeting change differently?  Experiences - from love and joy to pain and loss - are supposed to be messy, unmanageable and change the way we see life. Freeing myself from the idea that I have control over anything other than my attitude has given me freedom and flexibility to enjoy life again in a way I'd forgotten was possible.

Worrying about what might happen only causes me to miss out on the good stuff right in front of me. To help me remember, I wrote a note to myself on my kitchen cabinet that says, "You have an amazing life! Enjoy it now!!" I look at it when I doubt it - which usually happens about three in the afternoon when I'm tired, need to get dinner started and my two year old is pitching a fit.


Thanks Cockroach. - R.I.P. -  I owe a big debt of gratitude to you.

Don't worry. If your friends visit, I'll send them your way.

Multi-family Housing & Creating Community

A while back, Taz Loomans at Blooming Rock Blog wrote a post about multi-family housing and how while it's taking off in some parts of the country, it's not viewed so highly here in Phoenix - yet. I've been thinking about it ever since. Robert and I have lived in a small multifamily housing community for about 10 years. While there are certainly pros and cons and I sometimes still want a single family house (mainly because I need the garden space), overall, we've loved it.

These are some of the benefits of a multi-family community.

1. It's cost effective. Our mortgage is within our budget and we share the cost of major repairs with our neighbors. We save money by buying less "stuff" because a smaller space requires efficient organization. And, in a compact space, we can afford high quality, green remodeling while staying within our budget.

2. Less work for us. We hire landscapers, plumbers, overall maintenance people - at a reasonable cost, also shared with neighbors. Perfect for artists like us - who work all week and perform on nights and weekends. There's not much of time left for yard work.

3. Less to clean. A larger house doesn't even appeal to me anymore - for this reason.

4. We can live in the heart of the city. Because we chose a townhouse, we can live in a neighborhood (that would otherwise be out of our budget) near everything we love - like hiking, work, church, urban culture, Grandma & Grandpa *smile*.

5. Affordability allows us to pursue our gifts and passions as careers. Living simply in a multi-family house means we can do what we love - for a living. We have fun all week, not just on the weekend. Don't get me wrong...we work our booties off and we live more simply...but it's worth it.

6. More fresh air. Small space - small children? Sanity requires me to get off my duff and get out of the house frequently - to visit local businesses, the library, the park, our garden at Grandma's house...

7. Community. We know our neighbors. And, they're amazing. From teachers to engineers, business professionals to a hard core biker-hairdresser, they are an eclectic mix - quirky, kind and always interesting!

 This last point is the most important to me.

The people in our community are great people. Financial decisions regarding the functionality, appearance and value of our property are not the only things that tie us together. We know each other and are invested in each other's lives. It's typical for me to go out front to pick rosemary for dinner and find myself in a conversation with two or three neighbors. We look out for each other. If a neighbor goes to the hospital, people in our community often visit - depending on whether or not the person has family.  Rides to the doctor, babysitting and cards to those who have suffered a loss (even a dog!) are the norm here.

Those of you who are into gaming will appreciate the roles played by members of our community. We are a little town unto ourselves. We have the grumpy old man, the healer, the gatekeeper (nobody gets by him!), the resident drunk (position currently open), and the crazy lady who hollars at her kids across the yard (that would be me, oops). There is something refreshing and powerful about discovering it's possible for such different people to live together peacefully.

These past ten years, we've learned important lessons about acceptance (read: love, not tolerance) and community that we might not have learned if we'd been able to drive straight into a garage every night. Our home choice has forced us to recognize our connection to each other and to be more careful of the relationships we need to build and maintain with the people who share our larger space. And our lessons give us a picture of how we should be living in our larger community in Phoenix, in Arizona, the USA, the rest of the world. Our individual choices, financial and social, don't just change our lives, they change the world for those around us too.

My relationships with my neighbors change me in unexpected ways. They have opened my eyes to seeing the world in ways I might have otherwise missed. And, while our financial fates initially tied us together, we have found true friendships here. As I write this, I'm filled with gratefulness for these neighbors who have become my friends. They have shown us love and kindness, compassion and wisdom in the times we've most needed it. If we ever do move, we'll stay in the heart of the city where we can keep learning and keep building these relationships that make us better people. It's something Robert and I believe in and it is what we want our children to learn about our city and the world.

We're doing more than just sharing space. We're creating community.

Mother's Day: Celebrating the Imperfect Mom

This year, like every year, I think a lot about motherhood with regard to my mom and the kind of mom I want to be. So many of my ideas of motherhood and being a woman come from the woman who gave birth to me and spent her life loving me and doing her best to raise me according to her conscience.

But, let me tell you, my mom was so not the perfect mother. As I was growing up, she was often bossy and temperamental. It was her way or the highway and frequently she was unable to see life from the other person's point of view. She also tended to call me at the most ridiculous hours of the morning - before my alarm clock rang. Grrrrr...!! Talk about annoying! Then, there were the times she really let me down when I thought I needed her most.

In short, my mom was not perfect! 'Cause, you know, no mother is. There is no "Complete Guide to Perfect Mothering" that we can follow. Not only do I make many of the same mistakes my mom made, I have a whole set of my own that I'm sure my girls will call up someday when they're sitting in their therapist's office, wondering at the miracle that they made it through childhood with me as a mother. I definitely find myself losing my cool much too frequently - but it's hard not to when you find that your two year old has taken off her poopy diaper (AGAIN!) and is running around without one. Ugh. Sorry for the visual but it's just where I am right now.

On the flip side, my mom also spent her whole life learning how to love me and my sisters and really, everyone who crossed her path.

She became an expert on me and every one of my four sisters. And, like it or not, she was right a majority of the time. No wonder she felt she could give us unsolicited advice 24 hours a day! She constantly told my sisters and I that she loved us completely and that we could do anything we determined to do. She and my dad loved each other and stayed together for over thirty years. Mom was a true friend - the kind you can call in the middle of the night and know she'd answer and come.

To contribute to the household income, mom worked more than full time as a music teacher. Teaching wasn't just her job, it was her passion. She loved her students and as she did with us, strove to teach them character and commitment along with musicality. When she did anything, she threw herself into it completely. She believed that a life of service to others was a life well-lived.

Her life was definitely well lived. Mistakes and all, she was a person of good intentions and she exceeded the mark more often than not. Her life often gives me food for thought as I travel my own path through life. And, as an adult and a mom myself, I love and appreciate her more and more each day.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to tell my mom "Happy Mother's Day!" face to face this year because she died of cancer 5 years ago. While I believe we don't just end after death and that she can still see and hear me, there are really no words to describe the ache that her physical absence creates in my heart. I thought my mom would be around a lot longer, both to love me and to drive me crazy when she became an old lady.

But this post isn't something I'm writing so you'll feel sorry for me. Nope. So - don't. I had a full life of memories with my mom. But, I do wish that I had appreciated her more when she was still here. I wish I'd made more time for her. I wish I'd been more understanding about what she'd sacrificed for us and how she loved us. She was just like me - doing her best to love and care for her family and live a meaningful life of service.

This weekend I hope, if you haven't already, you'll see your mom with new eyes. Because while some have mothers who don't deserve respect or honor, most moms are just human and need our love and friendship. This weekend, put yourself in your mom's shoes. Don't just see her as your mom. See her as a woman, a young lover, a young mom trying to figure out how to balance life and parenthood. See her in her career and as a friend.

Start to realize your mom is pretty stinkin' awesome. Then, remind yourself that with everything else she does, she's your mom. Love her for it and learn to be her friend. Don't just celebrate her on Sunday but cherish every moment you have with her. Realizing she won't always be there might just give you a new ability to love her just as she is.

By the way, I won't be alone this weekend. Along with my sweet little girls and handsome love, I'll be celebrating the good friend and amazing grandparent I am blessed to have in my mother-in-law. There will be a lot of laughter and fun as all the kids race around screaming joyfully. And somewhere in the chaos, I'll find a quiet moment to whisper a Happy Mother's Day to someone who I know is still listening.





Today I linked with A Wise Woman Builds her House

It's THAT Time of the Month. Oh, Yes. That's exactly What I Mean!

Hasn't the full moon been just gorgeous this week? I feel a close affinity to that glowing nocturnal bulb. As she gracefully moves through different phases each month, I recognize a pattern in my own body and spirit. Every month, not just once or twice a  year, she retreats into darkness before returning to the her fullest brilliance. As a woman, I need a similar reprieve every month to access the most brilliant parts of myself, spiritually, physically and mentally.

Wouldn't you love a monthly pause to recharge and renew your spirit, get a few extra hours of sleep and refocus your mind? Guess what? Your body's already got one scheduled if you'll just check the calendar! If you're past childbearing years, you simply need to create one for yourself.

In my family, strong women didn't need to seek solitude several days each month during a monthly cycle. I'm remedying that misunderstanding of strength by talking to my own daughters about our need as women for regular rest and I use the moon as a visual. When the moon is dark, my daughters believe that she is taking a nap, in preparation for the time she needs to shine her brightest. When she is full they know she has shown up for work. I love how they exclaim in delight at the way she shimmers in the sky. My four-year-old already knows that a monthly menstruation is more of a time of magic and healing that something to dread.

But, the moon is more than just a visual example of monthly rest for us as women. Before the invention of artificial light, women ovulated and bled according to the moon's phases each month. That's a lot of women having their periods at the same time. Whoooo-eeee!!

According to the history of some cultures, women came together in community during the full moon to enjoy friendship and reprieve from the duties of daily life. Seems like a good way to handle massive communal hormone fluctuation right? In short, it allowed them a break to contemplate, commune and return to their families and normal duties strengthened and refreshed. As a reminder of this history, we call menstruation a "moon-cycle" in our house.

I'm not suggesting you ignore the family and crash on the couch eating those illusive bonbons we stay-at-home moms are supposed to be munching all day. (Where do I sign up for that?) Obviously, we all have things we have to do regardless of when that mooncycle hits. I simply schedule less and shorten my to-do list to the absolute essentials like feeding the kids and basic cleanup. I stay closer to home, drink plenty of water or  Raspberry Leaf tea, go to bed earlier and get some rest. If possible, I do something just for me - like a facial or foot soaks.

As a result of taking this time for myself, I'm gaining little bits of wisdom about my life and how to live it best. That endless "to-do" list stops playing itself over and over in my mind and I am able to listen to the quiet voice of wisdom. This month, I heard it in the form of two personal revelations that will influence my every day life in very practical ways. Just as importantly, I am rested and ready to tackle the world after a few days at a slower pace. Instead of dragging myself around feeling exhausted, I've begun to look forward to this time of the month as a kind of magical time of rest and spiritual reconnection.

We girls are generally terrible at slowing down to rest. We love to detail the long list of activities we've accomplished every day. If you don't believe me, just check Facebook to see which of your friends wrote theirs down today. We excel at accomplishment and it's something to celebrate. And along with that list of things we accomplish, we nurture, love and hold up those we love in that mysterious way that only women possess. That second kind of women's work requires that we take time to refresh our spirits. 

Luckily, our bodies send us a calendar appointment each month for that very purpose.

Are you ready to take a lesson from the moon this month and make a monthly appointment for a magical time of rest and spiritual insight? It's on your calendar anyway.

I love hearing from you - so leave a comment below 
or send emails to organicmamacafe [at] gmail [dot] com

Greedy Capitalism? - A Little Econ Discussion in the OM Cafe

Capitalism has taken a bad rap lately. The idea that competitive conditions will create the best product in the end has suffered a bit of a blow because of what I call "mutual-market-player greed". Let's be honest. Greed isn't a character trait solely exhibited by the "big bad corporations". Corporations aren't some giant brain that makes decisions like a big "Borg". People who work for corporations must make individual choices daily about whether they'll use integrity in their approach to business. And these employees respond to customers who choose either to buy or not to buy their products.

A perfect example of supply and demand capitalism is the real estate market fiasco of recent years. While there was definitely some red tape involved that might have fooled less educated consumers, nearly everyone in the loan process was complicit in the resulting disaster. The employees of those loan companies, Wall Street and the consumers involved exercised greed resulting in a huge bubble and then the monstrous POP! 

What if consumers had just exercised restraint? The same greed that drove corporate employees to offer bad products to consumers might have driven them to offer good product had consumers demanded it.

The best guide of good capitalism is the dictate of a wise consumer conscience.

Far more powerfully than government regulation, consumers have the ability to send a mass message about purchasing values by refusing to financially support companies who fail to deliver according to demand. This is where the breakdown occurs between idealism and reality. When Rob and I shopped for a house loan, banks offered us significantly more than we could realistically afford monthly. We could have chosen to buy a product we couldn't really afford. Instead, we used two magic words some of us have forgotten along the line.

"No, thanks."

As consumers, we often fail to send that message simply because we don't want to change our habits. We won't stop shopping that big box store even if they use questionable labor practices. We don't say no because we'd rather have more "stuff" even if it's cheap and will just end up in a landfill at the end of the summer. We don't really want to know what's in that sunblock we're smearing all over our kids. We confuse needs with wants. Sometimes, we think we just cannot afford to shop elsewhere.

That little voice in our head that justifies our decision to keep buying without regard for consequences by saying, "It doesn't really matter. One person's not buying it doesn't make a difference."

But is that true?

I don't believe it is.

Demand can change or destroy a business model. Take for instance the failure of American car manufacturers to move toward the cost-effective, gas-conserving manufacturing standards of companies like Toyota. Americans who cared about their pocketbooks stopped spending money on gigantic cars still manufactured to guzzle gas like water even as the price of oil soared. U.S. car makers' sluggish response to market demand would have caused failure if they'd not been saved by a government bailout.

So why is this a subject I'm even discussing at the OM Cafe?

Supply and demand applies to every part of our world, including the food we eat and the products we slather all over our bodies. I am passionate about leaving to my children a world where plants aren't all genetically modified and animal products aren't altered by hormones. For years, my family and I have spent the extra tine and money to seek out local producers and buy organic food. For a long time, friends and family members thought we were crazy hippies for doing it. That's never really bothered me.

The funny thing is that after all these years, many of those friends are starting to realize that what they put into and on their bodies really does make a difference in their overall health. They are now choosing to purchase organically and/or locally grown or raised food. And, those foods are far more available than they were ten years ago when Rob and I first made the switch. The market is slowly changing in response to demand as consumers are becoming more educated.

Recognizing their bottom lines will suffer till business practices truly change is a powerful motivator for most companies. Money talks when you choose whether or not to spend it.

We need to recognize our power to make the change for safer food practices in the U.S. widespread. But the price to pay for changing the way we do food business in the good ole U.S.A. is a sacrifice of time and the death of old habits.

We as consumers need to take a little time to think about our food and what's in it. It's not hard. Here's how I choose mine. How close is it to it's original form? Fresh fruits and veggies - grown without pesticides? Check. Organic milk unsullied by growth hormones? Check. Meat raised and finished on grass. Check. The easiest way to confirm that this is really the way my food was produced and raised? Knowing my supplier personally.

Is it possible? Of course!

But isn't it hard? Not really. The options for buying either organic or local are far more available now than they ever were. And, every person who chooses to make that change will send yet another message to companies who supply food to the U.S. market. The same companies that provide junk to us offer different options in other parts of the world because those markets demand it. We need to create the same demand here.

Are you willing to help drive that change?

Can we afford not to?

Count Your Blessings...

This morning, I woke up thinking about counting my blessings. Here are a few of the little moments from the last few days that made me laugh....well, eventually if not at first

1. Overheard: My 4 1/2 year old playing in her room. "If you like the red purse, click here. For the blue purse, click here."  Hmm....maybe time to cut down on computer time?

2. Seen & sensed: Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner when I realized the two year old who had been "finishing" a diaper present for me was now jumping on the couch - sans diaper. Yep. Imagine it, imagine it. Eew. That was what it was like.

3. My four year old has taken to reading to her little sister. She knows her books so well, she can recite the stories with great animation. Right now, she says she's going to be a storyteller and a scientist when she grows up. Hmmm...interesting combination.

4. This morning, my four year old asked, "Mom, how do mermaids go to the bathroom?" I said it was the secret of the mermaids...

5. Every morning, my girls (who sleep together) wake up and greet each other so sweetly. "Good morning sissy!" "Good morning!" They usually end up hugging and snuggling for a while. Then, my two year old will say, "I love you so so SO much, Sissy!" Now I just have to remember that moment when they're fighting over some little toy later!

See, if you've not had to mess with number two this week  (haha! see how I did that?), consider yourself in good shape.

What little moments are reminding you to be thankful for this day?

Why I Like Funerals...

This morning, I'll be singing at the third memorial service I've attended in as many weeks. Some people might consider this depressing. But the truth is - I have a special place in my heart for singing at memorials. Maybe it's because I've attended a lot of memorials for people in my immediate family. It meant a lot to have friends around us at that time. I always pray my song and presence will do the same for family and friends who are grieving their loss.

Taking time to go to a memorial sends a strong message of love and support for those left behind. When a person you love dies, time seems to stand still for you while you try to come to terms with their being gone from your life. Sometimes you feel like life just goes on around you. When my mom, dad and brother died, it meant so much to me to see the people who cared enough to stop what they were doing to support us at a memorial in a time when we felt orphaned by our loss. People took time off work, family members drove for several days - to offer us love, strength and encouragement when we needed it.

Memorials can be times of healing and even laughter. In the midst of commemorating a person's life, we tend to remember the best of that person. Sometimes we choose to forgive wrongs we never righted while the person was alive. At memorials, we find humor lightens our hearts as we laugh over funny memories. Sometimes we learn something interesting or new about the person who died.

Most funerals and memorials aren't depressing experiences in the general sense. They do tend to remind us of our mortality. They remind us that we are connected to each other in a powerful way in the sense that though we may travel through this life together, we'll all face that moment of death - alone. Solidarity from others in the moments after a friend dies gives us hope that we too will be missed.

At memorials, as I sit quietly listening to the stories of the one who has moved past this physical plane of existence...I remember the importance of living life fully - now. I sing at all kinds of memorials. Some, thankfully, are for very old people - who've lived amazing, full lives. Some are for those who are not much older than me. Regretfully, some are for even younger people. None of us know the hour or the day we will be called beyond this life. A memorial tends to magnify the value of the present and remind us to make the most of this moment.

Memorials make my heart swell with gratitude for all the blessings in my life. I go home resolved to be more aware in every minute I am fortunate to be alive. I go home, infinitely thankful for the love of my life and my children. I go home determined to be the best version of myself - both for myself and my loved ones.

Of course, you don't have to go to a memorial to feel grateful for your blessings or to resolve to let gratitude guide your choices. Why not take a moment now and think of all the gifts in your life? What will you choose to do with this moment?

Happy Birthday, Destructo Girl !

Last night, I sat in my dining room, thinking of what my life was like two years ago in the months before my second daughter was born. It was a crazy time - and it produced a fun, crazy little girl without whom I cannot imagine my life now!


The Ultimate Nester
For some reason, pregnancy always pushes me into high gear. I don't just "nest", I remodel. The first time I was pregnant, I painted (the entire house) and bought new furniture etc. With my youngest, I decided I could NOT bring another baby into a bedroom covered with that nasty carpet from 1971! I envisioned my new baby crawling around on a beautiful, uncluttered, eco-friendly bamboo floor. Aaaannnndddd, we really needed to get that upstairs bathroom done while we were at it!

I tackled the bathroom with military precision. Calendar appointments with contractors were cushioned with time to spare (um, so I thought). We demo-ed the bathroom ourselves (and when I say "we", I mean - mostly Rob).

My hero!!!!

Bathroom after demo

Then, my then 2 year old daughter and I lived through weeks of dust everywhere (well, on the tarps I'd put everywhere) while I gritted my teeth through morning (Haha! ALL DAY) sickness. Everything would be done in plenty of time. And then, as is typical in a house filled with DIVAS - drama hit!

My Big Mistake
One day the contractor, who was supposed to widen the bathroom door and install the new one, called to say he wouldn't make his appointment the next day because he was stuck at a job in Northern Arizona. He offered to send a friend - NOT a contractor - to replace him. Ignoring the nagging feeling in my stomach (intuition, not pregnancy), I agreed.

The next morning, my daughter and I were downstairs when suddenly we heard shouts of horror and some pretty impressive profanity from upstairs. I leaped up those stairs - only to discover that the door guy's "friend" had sliced into the wall without checking what was behind it first and managed to cut through my a/c water pipe. Like a bad movie, water was spraying everywhere and pouring through the floor into the downstairs.

I ran to my neighbor's house to ask him how to shut it off and he raced back to my house and took over. He shut off the pipe and then barked orders at all three of the guys who were there - to clean up the mess. Thank goodness for great neighbors - and the men who cleaned up for me! Never, ever ignore your wise stomach!

The Second Big Surprise
Undeterred by the dust and the waterfall through my ceiling, I pressed on to the new flooring. (Think I'm crazy? It's HORMONES people!! Geez!) With 1 month and a half (maybe slightly less) to go, we ripped out the carpet (well, Rob did - hehehe...) and had the bamboo delivered. It was BEE-Utiful! But when the installation guys arrived, they promptly informed us that our sub-floor had dry rotted and we'd have to replace it before they could install the wood flooring. We found a contractor and after only a week's delay, we were ready to go...so we thought.

The installation guys returned, checked the humidity levels of the bamboo and the floor but they weren't close enough yet. But, we had chosen materials they'd never before used so they were unfamiliar with it. But in the meantime, knowing I was close to delivering, they assured me they'd come every few days to check it. Weeks went by and the wood wasn't acclimating (so we thought). Later we'd discover the special wood required a special humidity monitor.

In the meantime, ALL our stuff from upstairs - furniture, dressers, clothing & linens etc - was packed into our two downstairs rooms - along with us. Just imagine. It seems unbelievable now! We slept on an air mattress (actually, we went through three) for at least 2 1/2 months. You try rolling off an air mattress in a hurry to reach the bathroom when you're nine months pregnant. Hahaha! Not a pretty sight!! Our stuff was everywhere and chaotic at its neatest. I would show you pics but I couldn't find them.


Did I mention we were planning a home birth?

Then it gets worse
Two weeks before D-day, our oldest woke with stomach flu. She slept all day, running a mild fever. We kept her hydrated and watched her closely. She slept on the couch while I rested on the air mattress. That evening, she woke up and crawled over to me to snuggle. Then, promptly emptied what little was in her stomach all over me and the mattress. Ugh. After we got her all cleaned up and changed the sheets, she fell asleep. In moments, she began having a bad dream, shouting "NO! I don't want to go with you!!!" (Yikes!) and her temp shot up rapidly - resulting in a febrile seizure. It was pretty scary. But, after several hours in the hospital, we came home exhausted and she was ok.

I finally listen...
The weekend my youngest was born, I called in reinforcements. My sister Susie came over and helped me paint the two upstairs bedrooms and bathroom (no way was I delivering in a bathroom painted an ugly color!). Once we finished painting, my intuition spoke up again. I heard - "Just straighten up. Make sure you can find everything you need for the baby." This time I listened. So, Susie helped me clean up - and I ignored everything else I'd planned to do.  (Thank you Susie!!!!)

Sure enough, when I woke the next morning, those Braxton Hicks felt different. That night, my daughter arrived - a week early - in my own bathtub. (Good thing I did that first!) We had everything we needed. The next morning we woke - on the air mattress with our newborn - to the sound of the doorbell. We'd forgotten that the floor guys were coming to check the floor again! And you know what? We were just fine - in the middle of the craziness - without a perfectly installed eco-friendly bamboo floor. You can read about our homebirth here  and why I chose homebirth here.

Thinking of those days makes me laugh. We learned so much about being together - I mean really together. We learned to be patient and content with where we were in that moment, to take deep breaths and trust that things would work out in the end. We learned to laugh at the ridiculousness of the circumstances and enjoy the process.

I think that's what we see most in our youngest - besides her ability to keep our home in a constant state of chaos. We see her laughing and enjoying every moment. From the time she wakes in the morning till she falls into bed at night, she is smiling or laughing and trying to draw us into her fun. She tells us "jokes" all the time and laughs uproariously at herself.

I love so much about her -
her laughter
her smile
her ridiculous jokes, "what does a turkey say? Bok, bok"  Huh??? 
her determination to figure things out and get where she wants to go
her sweet little phrases - "I hold you mommy"
the tiny hands she slips into mine all day
her favorite nighttime story, "Can we read Pinkali-cious, Mommy?" (well...when you say it like that!)

I even - dare I say it? - love the chaos she adds to our life and the clutter she spreads on that beautiful bamboo floor. Our lives would be so boring without it!

Happy Birthday Destructo Girl!! I love you.

"Own Ur Day"

This morning, I woke early - too early - to go hiking with one of my very best friends. In fact, I woke before my alarm because my two year old has gotten into this rather awful habit of waking at 4 am and calling, "Mommy, I want to hold you!" This morning (thankfully!), she slept in till 5 but I couldn't go back to sleep for fear I'd miss my hiking date. That said, I texted my girlfriend and said, "Sure you still want to go today?" Hahaha!! What can I say, it was cold this morning!

When 5:30 rolled around, I extricated myself from my little snuggler's arms and deposited her safely in dad's while she loudly expressed her displeasure at my leaving. Undeterred, I kissed her goodbye, bravely stepped out into the brisk morning air and promptly doubted my sanity. It was FAR too cold (and dark) to go hiking. Maybe we could get coffee instead?

At the mountain, my friend and I laughed about the thought of bailing for coffee - no way! - and charged up the path, shivering and giggling at how wimpy we were being. With the fresh, rainy smell of creosote in our nose, we settled into a rhythm and started catching up on the latest events and lessons going on  in our lives. She's always been that kind of friend to me. Sincere, encouraging, funny - and when necessary - honest. It's like a mutual therapy session!

Me - after I hiked. Sun in my eyes but feeling awesome!

When we finished hiking and said, "Goodbye!" with a big hug, I no longer doubted my sanity for kicking my butt out of bed this morning. I felt relaxed, energized and ready to start my day.

I need these kinds of mornings. Sure, I get up and walk regularly to keep my body feeling strong and my mind clear. But, sometimes, I need more. I need to make the extra time to see a friend at a ridiculously early time - to tell her she's that important to me.

I need to know I am strong enough to conquer that mountain - even when I'd rather be in bed. I need to know that I have and am an amazing friend. I need to remember who I am - and take that into my day. So that I can do what my friend Eric constantly says - "Make this day great! You decide how your day will be. Own ur day!"

I'm owning this one. Are you?

Unfriended. When the "Social Network" Leaves You Feeling Disconnected.

I got an email from a former classmate last week. It went something like this, "Dear All (a group of 25 or so people), For all intents and purposes, I'm quitting Facebook. If you want to get in touch with me, email me at this address."

No problem. She recently taken a break from Facebook. I figured she came back and realized she was tired of it. I was disappointed that I'd miss her rippingly funny remarks and the cute updates she posted about her her kids. We don't live close so it's how I kept up with her.

Then yesterday, she showed up in my news feed when she "Liked" a friend's comment. "Yay!" I thought, "She's back!"- and promptly proceeded to make some silly remark.

I decided to hop over to her page to see if she'd posted anything new. I typed her name in the search box - but didn't see her.Weird. So, I clicked her name where she'd "Liked" my friend's comment. There she was! Oh. I just wasn't in the friend list anymore. And, I'd been blocked - because I couldn't actually find her when I looked. Wow.

I have no idea what my friend's reason was for un-friending me and a bunch of other people in such a cryptic way. Maybe she was felt overwhelmed of the constant status updates. Maybe she feels it's voyeuristic. It's completely her choice who she friends and un-friends. And, although it hurt, I really do love this person and genuinely respect her right to make that decision for herself.

However, the experience caused me to think a little bit about how we use social media like FB to connect with friends, business associates, former lovers, acquaintances, random people who found us on Twitter... How those connections or disconnections affect us. Social media can be a bit overwhelming at times. A little revealing, vulnerable. Sometimes painful. Kinda like a social land mine.

Naturally, I have a few thoughts on the subject. ;-)

1. Contrary to some of the opinions I've seen posited online, FB is not the work of the devil. After all, just like every other delectable possible addiction - like chocolate, sex, vampire novels or great TV shows, it's best to use these powers for good rather than avoid them completely. I know some of you are secretly shouting, "Yes! Team Edward!!!!" Crazy vampire people.       (p.s. Team Jacob!!)

2. FB is just another tool that allows us to connect with people (or not) - like a phone, email, snail mail - at whatever level we feel comfortable. We choose who we "friend" and we choose what we post (just like in "real" life - except this is in writing and it moves pretty fast so you can't take it back).

3. FB shouldn't take the place of actual face-to-face human interaction. Unless, you haven't had any adult contact for 24 hours because you've been holed up with sick kids and didn't even think of chatting on the phone till after 10:30 pm. Then, it's a heck of a lot better than nothing.

4. FB is great for catching up with old friends and possibly making new ones. I love finding or being found by  friends from days and places past and looking at pics of them or their sweet kids - small or grown. I even love the day to day minutia that sometimes gets posted. It's the stuff life is made of. Unless the minutia includes details of trips to the bathroom. We have enough of that around here without having to read about it. Eeew.

5. The variable number of one's Facebook friends should not cause serious internal debate about said person's value or cause long term social concerns. This one stings sometimes right? Being un-friended kinda stinks. But - chances are - if someone unfriends you, you weren't that close anyway. And that's ok.

6.  A little honesty goes a long way. If by some chance you feel the need to trim your Facebook page, you've every right to do so. Just don't say you're quitting and let some unsuspecting friend stumble over the fact that he just didn't "make the list".

Most importantly, even though our only connection to many of our Facebook "friends" is online and seems  somewhat impersonal, remember, it's not. You know that old saying, "It's not personal. It's just business."? Yeah. It's like that - and it's always personal. Remember, there's still a live human on the other end of that internet connection. Treat them with the same regard for their feelings that you'd use in "real" life. Unless you're kind of a jerk. Then - be nicer. :)

In real life, there's no un-friend button. You have to do it old school.

Can I Still Wish Her Happy Birthday? You'd Better Believe I Will!

I wrote this yesterday...p.s. this is long - and I can't say I'm sorry for it. It's not even close to being a complete record of her life.
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This morning, I wrote the date, November 28, on my daughter's Sunday School sign in sheet and felt my breath catch in my throat and my eyes begin to tear. November 28 is my mom's birthday. She would have been 60 years old today if she were still with us. What a party that would have been! I took a deep breath and changed the subject in my head till I could find a private place to grieve.

For those of you who don't know, my Mom died 4 years ago this fall from colon cancer. When her doctors discovered the cancer, it was stage 4 and had devoured most of her liver as well. A childhood friend of mine is a DO who happened to be working in the hospital where she had surgery just after her diagnosis. He told me that it was rather a miracle she was still alive when the cancer was discovered. Leave it to mom to be the exception. She was a rather exceptional person.

True to her personality, she decided she wanted to live - and live she did - for another 15 months or so. She chose to undergo a major right resection of her colon and chemotherapy. Despite constant pain (as much as possible, she wanted to be unclouded by pain meds), she proceeded to live as she always had - full steam ahead. Encouragement from her daughters to rest went unheeded. She didn't want to miss anything. Looking back, I can't blame her.

 Mom with four of us - missing Janelle.

This is one of the many things I miss about my mom on a regular basis. She had an unabated desire to do her best at everything she attempted. More often than not, she hit the mark and succeeded beyond everyone's expectations (except her own - since she always believed she could do better). Of course, just being a  mom made her an overachiever. She was delighted to when she gave birth to a daughter first (she'd always wanted sisters) and didn't stop having girls until she had five! "No", she'd answer to those who asked, she wasn't "trying for a boy".

The memories I have of mom are varied - sometimes funny, sometimes sad and sometimes inspiring. Here are a few - especially for those of you who loved her with me.

Mom was born into a hard working mid-western family. The only girl amidst six boys, she did the work girls did on the farm - cooking and baking from early in the morning throughout the day so those hard working cowboys could eat and get back out to the field. She often wished for a sister but never did get one.

Mom met and fell in love with my dad in her early twenties. With a twenty-one year age difference, theirs was a May-December romance. Through good times and some not-so-good times, our parents believed in the commitment they'd made and chose to love through the hard times too. They were a good example to us. 

30+ years together and still having fun 

My mom was a lot of fun. She loved to laugh and have parties. She always told us our friends were welcome anytime, and they were. Over the years, thousands of people filed through our front door for food, swimming and other fun. She loved to play games and laugh. When I think of her, I often see her in our house, cooking or baking, making homemade salsa, laughing and telling guests, "Mi casa es su casa" & "there are the glasses, make yourself at home". She really meant it. Our home was a place people knew they could always find a welcome. It took me a while to realize not everyone lives this way. She was also really silly. She always reminded me of Lucille Ball - though she would HATE that comparison.

 See what I mean?

Mom taught us music from a young age. She took piano and dance as a girl and it stuck. Probably that nun rapping her fingers with a ruler during her piano lessons made forgetting impossible. When my sisters and I were small, we would stand around the piano for hours, singing together and fighting over voice parts. If you knew us, you probably saw us wearing matching outfits and singing, "I've Got Peace Like a River All the Way" at some point.

She was a great teacher. Mom's love of and skill for music snagged her a job as a music teacher at our school. She usually taught K-8th grade general music and several choirs at once, who usually won honors at whatever music conventions they visited. She didn't finish college - but I think it drove her to constantly seek more knowledge in her field. She was the best music teacher I've met. She knew how to translate those lines and dots on the page into something real and beautiful that touched the souls of the kids in her classes and choirs. I still know many of the people I knew at my small elementary and high school - and many of them are still singing or participating in music in some way.

Oh - and she coached the high school cheer squad. How do you like our awesome outfits?

Mom loved beauty. She searched for it daily, possibly unconsciously, and pointed it out to us. She saw it in the hummingbirds she fed outside her kitchen windows, in the music she sang and directed, in the little treasures she found while thrifting, in the people she loved and nourished.

Mom loved a good bargain. Memories of coupon clipping, driving to different stores and multiple kids standing in line to get a bargain, are part of our family's collective experience. Plus, as she said, she shopped at thrift stores before it was cool. It paid off as she fed our big family of seven or eight (2 parents, 5 girls and 1 grandma sometimes). I'm following in her footsteps because trolling through the local thrifts is a favorite past time of my girls and I!

Along those lines, Mom didn't believe in getting into debt for incidentals. They got into debt early in their marriage and paid it off completely - no bankruptcy filing for our parents! From then on, other than their house, they paid cash or they didn't buy it. We do the same at our house.

She believed in striving for excellence. Whether in her classroom or at home, Mom did her best. She taught this to her family, her students and lived it herself. 

And with excellence - she loved to win. Music festivals, driving (YIKES!) or playing cards (she could talk some serious smack), Mom wanted to win. If you were there, you know what I'm talkin' about.

She loved her family to distraction. We always knew she loved us and believed that we could accomplish whatever we put our minds to. She told us often. This included ME ('cause I was her favorite), then the rest of the girls, her sons-in-law (all three), grandkids (just kidding about the favorite, she loved us all the same - wink, wink).

I think Dad was taking the picture

She gave generously to anyone who was in need. Babysitting for exhausted new moms, financial support for anyone who needed it (even though she was a teacher at a private Christian school which = not a big salary), meals for families who'd had new babies - or lost a loved one, or moved to our neighborhood, or who'd had surgery. (She was a great cook and her candy making skills were unequaled). She gave free haircuts to teachers, missionaries or people who just looked kinda shaggy. She swept up a lot of hair from under the twirly chair in the kitchen!

If you're wondering about how in the world she did all this, the answer is, early mornings. She got that from the way she was raised.

She was strong. Remember her mid-western family with German roots? For her that meant smart, hardworking, early rising, frugal, generous, stoic, determined, no excuses. She gave birth to five children without an epidural, raised said five children to be strong, upstanding members of society, taught thousands of students about God, music and responsibility (Yes, you really got a 0 if you missed a concert to go on vacation after signing a choir contract), stayed married for 30+ years, passed a kidney stone (she said that was worse than birth!) and finally, made it through an excruciating illness like a trooper. And, she still had a sense of humor. Seriously, she's my hero.

My mom believed - I mean BELIEVED - in God. It's because of her faith and what she taught us that I learned about integrity, truth, strength of character, loving my neighbor, service, faithfulness, tenacity, a second chance and forgiveness. It's the foundation of who I am today. She also believed in the power of prayer - especially for poor misguided people who claimed they didn't like chocolate - or dessert. This was a serious issue she felt needed spiritual assistance.


My mom was full of life - and love - till the day she lost her ability to rise from her bed. Some people would change what they were doing if they found out they were dying. Not my Mom. She was already doing what she loved. She was giving a piano lesson to a young music student when her body finally gave out. She fell into a coma shortly after that. We all circled round her till she breathed her last.

But it's not those days that I think of the most - though the memory of her frail frame (that couldn't be my mom!) and the gasping breaths of her failing body haunted me for years.

No. I think of my mom all the time - but the anniversary of her death is not a trigger for me. If you'll pardon the Star Wars reference, "the force was strong in that one"- and it's a living, vibrant picture of my mom I remember most. And all she taught me through that living.

And my thoughts of her are usually happy. I think of Mom when I clean my house (she trained us well!), find a great bargain, tickle my girls (like mom used to), listen to (or sing!) breathtakingly beautiful music, dress my daughters for church, , hear her voice coming out of my mouth (Ack!), kiss my husband (she loved him cause he is "AWESOME-no-other-reason-really"), cook (she was my first teacher), or look into the green eyes of my youngest daughter (she reminds me so much of mom!).

I miss Mom when I wish I could call and share something funny the girls have done or ask advice or just hang out and go shopping - and I can't call her up and talk. I miss her when I'm writing the date on my youngest's Sunday School sign-in sheet and suddenly realize it would have been her 60th birthday.

While I feel the mistiness of tears and an ache in my heart over saying goodbye to my mom, in my opinion, far too early, mostly I am grateful to have known her as long as I did. All that she did and taught me, follows me through my days - thank goodness. She was an amazing woman.

Happy Birthday, Mom! I.LOVE.you.

Fast Morning Make-Up for School or Work

I found this great makeup artist over the weekend. She gives online tutorials on youtube.com for free - for ALL kinds of makeup looks. She's not using organic or natural makeups (I usually do) but she is amazing and a bubbly, fun person. Hope you enjoy!

Storytelling: The Funeral of a Stranger

It's taken me a while to write this post because it involves my doing something pretty out of the ordinary - which turned into a learning experience for my oldest daughter. She was not  yet four.

On a beautiful, spring morning in March (you have to remember that March IS spring in AZ), we were on our way to go "thrifting" when we saw the overflow parking lot of a nearby church filled with several hundred motorcycles. It was an amazing sight. I turned into the parking lot so we could check them out safely and find out why they were there. We learned they were Patriot Guard members, an honor guard escorting the memorial procession of a motorcyclist who'd been killed in a brutal car accident  weeks earlier. While we were taking this all in - the call came to follow the funeral hearse. We watched quietly as the entire procession of motorcycles passed us. Then, the person in charge of the processional yelled at me and motioned for us to follow.

And, then, things got a bit out of the ordinary. Not wanting to be rude or explain, I just followed, thinking I would discretely pull out of the line within a few blocks. While I coasted in line, my daughter asked me to define "memorial". I explained that it is a special service to remember a person who has died and to tell his family he will be missed. My oldest thought about this carefully for a moment, then said, "Mom, can we go to the memorial service?"

This is how we ended up at the burial of a person I'd never met. As we drove, we talked about how he died and how his family would miss him. It really struck me how connected we all are. I'd never met this man but I knew from experience the loss his family was feeling as they said goodbye. My heart was wrenched for them and I shared their grief. Since my daughter knows my parents and brother have died, I figured she'd get some of it but I couldn't really tell how much she grasped of this subject. We followed the motorcade all the way to the Arizona National Cemetary, where the cyclist was honored with a veteran's funeral.

As we left, she said, "Mom, can we sing the Barney song?" Thinking that it was an intense event for a little girl and that she was ready to change the subject, I sang it with her. When we finished, my eyes filled with tears because she said,

"That's how I say, 'I love you' to that man who died."

I guess she got it after all.

 Sweet peas are such lovely, delicate, dear little blossoms,

and - a symbol of goodbyes, departure. Seems appropriate...

A Life Flowing with Milk and Honey

Recently, I happened to visit a friend's house after I picked up my milk and honey from some local friends. Both foods are delicious and as fresh as food can get. My friend's husband soon arrived and I had to laugh as he exclaimed, "Wow, this is just weird!" when he saw my glass jars of goat milk and how our dark, raw, medicinal quality honey was crystallized. I sometimes forget how different our shopping habits are from many of our friends despite the fact that one of my sisters refers to me as a "hippie".

We haven't always eaten such fresh, delicious food. When I first ventured out on my own as a single girl, my cabinet had plenty of canned/boxed and otherwise prepared foods. But, as I got more interested in fueling my body to do the things I was interested in - like long hikes and martial arts (I know, what a picture!) - I learned to get the most bang for my buck by investing in fresh, whole foods.

I wish I could say that I've consistently made healthy choices with my life since the time I learned to make REAL food, but like most people I have regressed from time to time. In the early years of our marriage, my husband and I ate out a lot, made white pastas and bread a staple of our diet and added quite a few pounds to our waistlines.

When we realized (each at different times in our journey) how much these choices affected our health and our ability to do things we love, we each committed to make changes in our lifestyles and food choices. We didn't try to change everything at once. Instead, we made small adjustments - like cutting out sugar, pasta and bread and adding lots of veggies. We incorporated legumes or organic meat and whole grains (like brown rice, quinoa, couscous, steel cut oats etc). We learned to eat till we weren't quite full and our attitudes about food started to change. We learned to love eating foods as close to their natural state as possible.

As we tried to find a healthy balance, we discovered we liked cooking healthy food a lot more when we had fun options. We decided that a diet high in fruits and veggies meant we needed to switch to organically grown food so we weren't eating a lot of pesticides with each bite. We discovered that farmer's markets sell locally and seasonally grown food at a reasonable price. We learned that we like knowing the people who grow our food and love supporting the local economy. Thanks to our venture into local foods, we now have great friends who provide us with delicious dark honey and milk in glass jars.

Making changes to the way we shop, eat and live has taken us on somewhat of a unexpected journey.  Saying goodbye to mainstream, box stores has brought us closer to our community and has opened our eyes to an abundance of locally grown foods, including those grown in our own yard. It's given us a way to spend time together as a family each week and helps us to teach our kids about caring for this beautiful world and their own bodies. We have everything we need to live well and we breathe in our food and life with gratitude. In a way, we've realized that we live in a land flowing with milk and honey -  and it's a good place to be.

Dark, raw honey. We use it for medicinal purposes and it has a rich, almost smoky flavor. DELICIOUS!

Tips for Talking Your Kid into Eating Those Veggies!

http://www.foodconnect.org/phoenixmarket/I went to the store yesterday to purchase some almonds for our weekly snack packs and my nearly-two year old kept asking for them while we were paying our bill. The woman at the counter was amazed that my daughter wanted to eat something so healthy. I didn't explain that I soak the nuts at our house to make them tastier and more digestible (more about this in a later post). But, it reminded me again how important it is to offer our kids healthy - and DELICIOUS options to all the junk food surrounding them.

Here are three tips for getting kids interested in healthy eating.

1. Introduce healthy foods early and often. Loving any kind of food is a learned experience so we just need to be sure we're teaching our kids what kinds of food are delicious and healthy. We naturally crave sweet tastes so it's easy for us to like things that are filled with sugar, especially processed sugars like granulated white sugar and corn syrup. But, if you want your kids to love veggies and fruit, those items need to appear more than cereal bars or packaged options.

• Start with the baby food. Mash up whatever you're eating and offer it to the baby who keeps grabbing at your dinner plate. Babies LOVE to eat what the big people eat at that phase. Add a little water if it's too thick and whirrrrrrrrr it up in the food processor! It takes moments and costs pennies.
• Keep offering healthy options like veggies and try different recipes if necessary. Not everyone likes broccoli and dip so "steam it, mash it, stick it in a stew" if you have to.

2. Involve your kids in the process - to help them become familiar with and love healthy foods.

• Growing easy veggies like greens
• Visiting the farmer's market. Look for Phoenix Farmers' markets here and here.
• Talk about "Strong food" vs. being thin or fat. Our daughter is used to this way of describing food now and asks, "Mom, is candy strong food?"   "Um...not so much."
• Make snacks fun and colorful. Fruits and veggies come in such beautiful colors and textures, you're sure to find something they're like! 
• Be creative - nickname the foods if it helps. We have Disney themed food at our house and call red peppers, "Ariel Peppers", green peppers "Jasmine Peppers" and broccoli - "Trees".

3. Most importantly, be a good example of healthy eating to your kids. It doesn't matter how many times you say, "Sweetie, eat it - it's good for you," if you don't eat well yourself, they won't either. Moms - be sure you sit down and eat with your kids if you're the one serving. It's really easy for us as moms to take care of everyone else and put ourselves on the back burner when it comes to eating. Share a moment relaxing and nourishing your body with that healthy food and be a mirror of what you want to see in your kids.

 If you didn't start early - it's never too late. If your kids are used to sweets, start with the sweeter healthy snacks like dried fruit and work backward from there.

Healthy eating is the best form of medicine. Here's to an apple a day!

A Day of Remembrance

 Photo by Brian Kunnari

 

My father was born in 1929 and started his second family (the one I was born into) when he was in his forties - so he always had a little further look back into the events of the last 100 years than the dads of my friends. He was not an "I walked 10 miles through snow to get to school" kind of guy but rather a person interested in all of life and particularly the stories of people. Through him, I was introduced to the cars, movie stars and quite of bit of history related to WWII, cowboys (his father was one), early days in Arizona and other major historic events. His influence is probably why I chose to study history in college.

One of the events he used to talk about with a rather hushed tone was the death of President John F. Kennedy. Dad was a Republican by registry but a passionate American by birth. He always said he remembered exactly where he was and what he was doing when he heard about the death of President Kennedy. Everything and everyone just stopped and stayed glued to their television screens when the news broke. Little did I imagine that anything in my lifetime would be so awe inspiring and horrific as to make the same impression on me.

Nine years ago today, as I drove to work I realized that I'd neglected to turn my radio dial the previous night. Consequently, I discovered I was listening to Howard Stern, who I despised. He was ranting and yelling and saying "We should bomb them all!". I changed the station to news and pieced together the events of the morning. When I arrived at work, it was with a heavy heart. I found myself weeping throughout the day as my team attempted to continue working while taking breaks to view the latest news on our television.

Photo by Brian Kunnari

I will never forget the grief and loss I felt as I thought of those people who'd gone to work that morning thinking they'd be home that night and their loved ones who never saw them again. I will never forget those who boarded a plane and showed incredible courage as they determined that if they were going to die, they would go down fighting - and save lives doing it. I will never forget the outpouring of support we received from all over the world - and which I personally felt all day as I spoke to our international customers. I will never forget the way we who lived here exhibited the unique nature of the American spirit - independent yet united in our love of freedom and willingness to help neighbors in need.

I, like my dad, now have a day clearly etched in my memory as a day we all stood still to grieve a collective loss. While I long to wish it away, I also remember that we then showed the best of what we have to offer as Americans. I am grateful to be part of the living memory and will always honor this day and those who were lost to us.

The Voracious Appetites of Toddlers (and Preschoolers)

Lately, it seems like I'm spending all my time cooking or preparing food for my kids. Part of this is my choice since pretty much everything we eat is homemade. It takes time to prepare real, nutrient rich food! But in the last few weeks, my kiddos seem to have gotten a lot more hungry. So, I've been trying to find ways to get more calories in them while still keeping to our healthy lifestyle. My biggest challenge is actually balancing all the fruit and veggies they eat with, um, more "bulky" food. We've had a few days lately where they clearly had waaaayyy too much fiber in their diet. Hopefully, I'll get it figured out soon!

Here's how a typical day goes for us. Need I say...Everything is either organic or grown naturally and locally as often as possible? :)

Breakfast
Eggs, toast and some kind of fruit like an apple or banana.
or
Steel cut oatmeal (no sugar - they prefer a little salt and butter) with raisins
or
Plain organic yogurt with honey

Snack
Green smoothie - usually involves apple, pear, banana, frozen mango or strawberries and LOTS of spinach. We use water as the liquid and no sweetener. The fruit is super sweet and it tastes awesome!

Lunch
PBJ sandwiches
or
Homemade pizza (with a lot of veggies and goat cheese)
or
Cheese quesadillas.
or
Cut up veggies, goat cheese and other finger foods

Snack
Usually more fruit of some kind but sometimes special "cookies" that involve mainly oats, honey, eggs, veggies like carrots and zucchini, apples, raisins, nuts etc.
or popcorn with trail mix stuff

Dinner
Amazing stuff made by my husband - lots of veggies with meat or lentils.

When I write it out, it sounds like so much food. But, they only eat a little of everything and they DO-NOT-STOP-GOING all day! Plus, I believe in teaching them to listen to their bodies when it comes to food. I refuse either to force them to eat everything on their plates or to refuse them food when they're truly hungry. That said, I'm not into wasting food - so if they don't finish everything and they're full, I'll put their leftovers in the fridge for a later snack. Also, if my oldest is too "full" to finish veggies, she definitely doesn't get dessert - even though it's usually made with fruit.

Anybody have other healthy snack ideas for growing munchers? Please share!

Being in the moment

Last night, on the way to pick up my husband from work, I witnessed a terrible car accident. About five car lengths in front of me (with no other cars between us), a car traveling southbound (as we were) - clipped the front left bumper of an oncoming vehicle. The cars impacted so hard, the southbound car bounced up on two wheels just like the picture above - only it seemed like the bottom two wheels left the ground too. I was afraid the car would land on its roof but somehow it righted and bounced - hard - a few times before swinging into a neighboring yard and coming to a stop. By the time I reached the car, I was already on the phone with 911. We prayed for the drivers after we got off the phone. The two in the oncoming car got out and ran to the other driver, who appeared to be unconscious.

My first thought afterward was immense relief. My kids were in the car with me and I was so grateful that we weren't involved in the accident. The second thought was - how important it is to be in the moment when driving. I don't know what caused this accident. Did something medical or mechanical occur to cause him to lose control of his vehicle? Whatever the cause, I drove away a little more thoughtfully.

So, I wanted to send a reminder out to all my friends today. This time of year, there is so much going on, it's easy to be distracted while driving. For me it's little people talking (or whining), phones ringing, my list of things to do, running late and feeling tempted to speed. Yet, all those things are not nearly as important as the precious people in my car and the cars around me!

Be in the moment this week and have a safe holiday driving season!