Since I'd received a generous gift card to a department store for my birthday, I decided to head there. But, here's the thing... Due to stress/childbearing/laziness/happiness/exhaustion etc. and despite my organic lifestyle, I've added a few inches my waistline in the last several years. So, I have to head to the, um, VOLUPTUOUS girl section of the store. I started looking and as usual, was underwhelmed by the style offerings available. First, over half of the clothes in that section look like something my grandmother would have enjoyed wearing - in 1970 - if she'd been any bigger than a thimble. Then, there are the natural assumptions some "designers" make about fuller figured women.
Poor assumptions: 1. If you're bigger, you have big breasts to match. (Not true of me - which means I need a seriously boosted bra or an amazing tailor). 2. If you're bigger, you're probably ashamed (or should be) of your body, so here's a rather shapeless, giant, floral tent to cover it. Ok, this may not be entirely fair. There ARE some great, fashionable clothes available in fuller sizes - and I found some to try. But, overall, the boring/ugly/insulting offerings in full figured departments can demoralize a curvy gal before she even gets to the dressing room!
I made my way to the fitting room with a TON of clothing, determined to be open minded and to bring something new and cute home with me. As I got ready to try what I'd chosen, I could feel a critical spirit making her way into the room. You know the one. I stopped, knowing that she didn't fit in with my new commitment to love me - now - as I am, not as I was or as I could be. I placed my hand on my heart and said a quick prayer, then smiled into the mirror and purposely looked for a few things I love about me. The smile crept from my lips to my eyes as I recognized a woman I really like. Me.
Then, I tried on some clothes. Some of them made me laugh, bringing back memories of really funny clothes shopping trips with my mom. Some of them went in the "Heck, No!" pile. But some of them looked great so I bought them.
This is a very personal experience - but I shared it because I don't think I'm the only one who has to exorcise personal demons when shopping/or dressing/or showering/or having sex (YES - I said the S word!). I hope it will be an encouragement for all of us to find a person we love as we gaze into our mirrors - and that he or she will be the person we are right now, not who we were or who we hope to be someday. I hope it will be an encouragement for us to daily choose awareness, joy and love - with abandon.
Ruben's Venus at a Mirror
By the way, I looked up voluptuous in the thesaurus. Here are a few of the synonyms I found.
"appealing, attractive, delightful, desirable, enticing, erotic, sensuous, sexy..."
I can live with that.