Appreciating the Giver, More than the Gift

This weekend, we're celebrating my oldest daughter's fifth birthday party and we're trying something new. In an effort to make the party about celebrating my daughter and teaching her to enjoy her friends, we won't be opening any gifts at the party. Before you get up in arms about my poor daughter not having a real birthday, read the previous sentence again. I didn't say she won't be getting gifts (Sheesh! I'm not a monster!), just that we won't be opening them at the party.
 
The idea not to open gifts at a kid's birthday party comes from experience. Prior to having my own children, I went to several of my friends' children's parties as a guest. Having grown up in a large, very noisy family who loved to have huge parties, I was used to the noise and chaos of 25+ children running around in a bouncy toy hall. But, the "present" ritual attracted my attention. I noticed that at present time, the guest of honor was often too high on sugar and adrenaline to even know what they were opening, let alone appreciate it.

Possibly more importantly that the celebrant's reaction, I noticed the reactions of the kids in attendance. Different social backgrounds determined what they were able to give and their reaction to gifts given by others. Some kids seemed oblivious to the whole process, usually those from higher income families for whom many presents are a given.  Others seemed more sensitive to the response of the birthday child to their gift (was it loved as much as another child's?), exhibiting embarrassment over the gift they gave or jealousy over others' gifts.

Apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way. Here's Miss Manner's opinion,  available at
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20291213

Gentle Reader,
As it happens, this is a matter on which Miss Manners has recently issued A Pronouncement. And she has sided against the traditionalists.

Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a group of children sit around watching one child getting lots of stuff? The strain on the young host to exclaim over everything, including duplicates and disappointments, is equaled by the strain on the guests to conceal envy, as well as fear that their contributions don't match up.

Parents who have decided that it is more effective to teach gratitude in private, through forced writing of letters of thanks (let us hope that they are not sparing the children that), have done a favor for themselves and for their young guests.

I continued to feel uncomfortable with this ritual after having kids but caved to pressure from family members who felt it would be rude not to open presents at a party. I didn't know how exactly to communicate what I felt and I didn't want to commit a social faux pas. But I couldn't help but wondering what would happen if instead of opening presents as a major part of a party, we just saved those for a more private time when the birthday girl could enjoy them more?

Something has changed in me this year. I'm more gutsy. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's having faced one too many life altering experiences to care what other people think of my choices. My decision is to do things a little differently this year.

So, we're not opening presents at my daughter's party this year. Instead, we'll focus on having a great time with the neighbors, family and friends who are coming to celebrate with us. Rather than presents, we'll focus on good food, laughter and swimming. After every dreg of pink tea is enjoyed, every last ice cream cone cupcake is eaten and every guest has been sent home feeling special and loved, we will head indoors to open some presents. Then, we'll work on thank you cards that our daughter can decorate and hand deliver - so the givers feel well-thanked.

We've talked about this with our daughter and she is ok with it right now though it will be interesting to see how she feels on Saturday. After all, she is five. But, parenting is a bit of an experiment most of the time isn't it?

In the end, what I really want my daughter to learn is to love and to see the value of all her friends - regardless of the kind of gift they can afford to buy her. And, if it means she is "different" from her friends, she'll learn to feel comfortable with standing up for how our family does yet another thing differently, like eating organic, not drinking juice and believing in a God who loves every person in our world. Just another character building experience. And, who knows, maybe it will be a new party tradition that will make everyone more comfortable in the end?

What do you think?

Have a great weekend, everyone!

The Adventures of DeSTruCTO Girl

The last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind at our house as my two year old approaches the two and a half mark. Just as I was starting to relax because she's not so tippy when climbing and she plays so well with her sister so I can get something done, she changes it all up on me! The last few days, I've been spending all my time chasing that kid around and creating new resolutions for how to keep her safe. I figured I should capture some of her adventures here before I forget them!

Since I don't post pics of my kids on the blog, you'll just have to imagine the personality of this little woman. Her darling chubby cheeks, expressive eyes, astounding vocabulary and self-possessed manner remind me very much of Shirley Temple. On the other hand, her determination, reckless risk taking and wacky sense of humor remind me of Margaret O'brien's character, Tootie, in Meet Me In St Louis. Remember her? She's kind of like a charming Tazmanian Devil. But her nickname (besides Destructo Girl - which my father-in-law protests) is Monkey.  Here's a small window into what part of a day with her is like.

Monkey climbs into my bed around 4:30 am and we snuggle and sleep till she wakes around 7:30. She opens her eyes, makes several silly faces at me and says, "It's morning time, Mommy!!" Me "Don't you want to snuggle a little longer?" Monkey "Nope, Mama. Let's have breakfast! How about porridge?"

Waiting for breakfast only results in crazed, wild Monkey so we head downstairs to breakfast. As I prep the food, I find myself hollaring, "Monkey, get off the table!" "Monkey, stop playing with my candle."  "Monkey, QUIT hitting your sister!!!" By the time she reaches the breakfast table, she's worked up a healthy appetite. She eats porridge, toast, an egg and some fruit. She wants yogurt too but I tell her to take a break. After eating she plays with big sis (the Princess) while I clean up the kitchen.

In the midst of playtime/cleanup, I see the girls coming down the hall together, giggling hysterically. In a seemingly impossible lack of acrobatic skill, Monkey slips and knocks her back against the corner of the wall. Big sister Princess looks at me, horrified. I reassure her the accident isn't her fault and check out Monkey's back. Great. A giant welt has instantly appeared. I apply arnica cream and we get dressed to leave the house.

In the car, we turn on the radio and Monkey asks, "Oh, is that Baby Gaga?" I laugh and answer, "Sort of." Non-plussed, she remarks, "I like her. She has a good singing voice." My oldest and I exchange amused smiles in the rear view mirror. We pass a Starbucks and Monkey says, "Oooo, Starbucks! How about a Whoopie Pie, Mom? Those are my favorite!!" I don't know where she gets these ideas. Of course, I've NEVER given her Whoopie Pie. Well, maybe once. Or twice. Look, I'm desperate for distractions sometimes, people! But we don't buy one today.

We visit Grandma's house to tend our little garden and Monkey vaults out of her carseat. She races through the house looking for Gram (who isn't home yet) and settles for the toybox. Since the house isn't too large and fairly open, I take a moment to talk to my husband's Aunt in the kitchen, keeping Monkey in the corner of my vision. Suddenly, I can't see her so I run to the den where the other toys are stored. No Monkey. I run through the house calling her.

Then, I notice the front door isn't fully latched. My heart lurches into my throat and I quickly call to my Aunt for help then race out front, calling Monkey. Within a minute, my aunt calls me. Monkey has been found, playing in Gram's bathroom. It takes an hour for my heart rate to return to normal and about one second to make a new resolution. All outer doors must be latched at the top from this moment.

Later in the day, Grandpa takes "Monkey duty" and they play with the toys in the den while Gram and I chat in the living room. Within about 8 minutes I realize, it's quiet. Too quiet. I call to my father-in-law who says Monkey is MIA.

???!!!

I go straight to the bathroom this time. Laughter and horror fill me at the sight that greets my eyes. Monkey is sitting on top of the bathroom counter (ah!) with her feet and part of her bootie in a full sink of water. Her diaper (not a swimmie) is about to burst and all gram's special beauty creams are floating in the sink too. Thankfully, most are closed. As I step into the bathroom, I hear a squish and my feet are wet.

"Oh no! Monkey!!" I start throwing towels on the floor as fast as I can while my baby proudly says, "Hi Mama. Look what I did!" I wrap her in a towel and chastise her while cleaning up as fast as possible. Gram comes in about that time and helps me clean up the mess. I'm happy to say my inlaws have a sense of humor and most thankfully - that they don't have a tub in their bathroom. We finish cleaning up before Grandpa sees the worst of it but his reaction is classic. "Ok. Monkey needs to be watched every moment from now on."

Um, ok. Good idea.

Wait - who had her last???

The rest of the day isn't much different minus any more missing incidents since we return to our much smaller (thank God!) townhouse. When I finally get my girls ready for bed a few hours later, my oldest asks. "Mom, are you going to go to bed at the same time as us tonight or later? I weigh the likelihood of getting a lot done without Monkey around to distract me (HIGH) against the realization that if tomorrow is anything like today, I'm going to need as much rest as possible (also HIGH).

Monkey says, "I want to sleep with you Mama."

She looks at me sweetly out of the corner of her eye and gives me a guileless smile. The list of chores seems rather less important suddenly.

Then, I say, "I think I'll go to bed now." And I lie down, wrap my arms around a Monkey and a Princess and fall fast asleep.

The Sweet Life Garden part 2

Here's the followup to yesterday's post highlighting our visit to gardener Jill's Sweet Life Garden.
Jill uses healthy gardening methods like composting, companion planting and avoids using chemicals on her plants or the pests who might visit. Her garden is proof that you don't need to buy Miracle Grow to create a stunning green space.

Jill is a proficient gardener and homemaker. For those of you who think a garden takes too much time, be encouraged. Jill says she usually only spends about an hour a day in the garden when it's not peach season. Along with the plants I've shared these last two days, Jill also grows blackberries, blueberries, several other varieties of trees and more. She offers eggs at her farmstand as well as delicious preserves. And the peaches, which were the original inspiration for our visit? Sweet, flavorful and luscious! If you'd like to know more about this garden, please visit Jill's blog.

Today we'll look at some of the more creative garden ideas Jill employs. The effect is a very romantic, cottage style garden.

Who knew celery could be so pretty?

I love how Jill manages to tuck so many trees into her space and still grow things underneath them.
Here is an apricot tree planted with catnip, society garlic and other whimsical looking plants.

Apricot tree

Jill has many trees around the property - including two shading the chicken coop, a must in the scorching Arizona summer. One of Jill's gardening tips is that she keeps them trimmed fairly low. She suggests letting them grow no higher than what you can reach from a ladder. After all, you want to be able to reach the fruit you're growing.

Here's another great idea. Jill is training her apples (she has both Fiji and Anna) into an apple hedge growing on the pool fence. How creative!

Tomatoes, my favorite.

See this fountain? Those aren't just flowers growing underneath.

Alyssum (pest repellant), melons and some kind of pretty purple stalk. 

 

A closer look at the society garlic.

Let's finish with just one of the many gorgeous rose bushes Jill tends.

If you just can't get enough of this garden, don't fret. It's featured, along with several others, in the Arcadia Garden Tour which happens twice a year. You missed the spring tour but it's not too late for fall. Check out Jill's blog and stay tuned for news from the beautiful Sweet Life Garden. Thanks again for the tour, Jill!

The Sweet Life Garden part 1

The beautiful weather these past few months has lured my girls and me out into nature lately. And, last week, we had the opportunity to check out a garden I've been admiring online for a while. We learned via Facebook that the peaches at the Sweet Life Garden were ready to pick and would only be available a few more days. So, Tuesday morning, we headed over as early as I could bundle the girls into the car (hint: not before 9!) and headed to Arcadia. I just had to share with you some of the sights we enjoyed. Today's post will be some of the more traditional aspects of her garden and tomorrow, I'll show you some of the more creative things she's done in her garden.

Organic Mama will be regularly featuring some of the amazing gardens around the Phoenix area. Hopefully, it will encourage those of you who are new to gardening to jump in and get started. Don't worry if your garden area isn't as large as Jill's. Check out some of the creative ways she tucks plants into different spaces and go for it! For more on Jill's garden, check out her blog.

What a magical entrance to the garden!

Photo Credit: Daughter No 1

First, meet Jill, the lovely lady behind this garden. She and I posed so my five year old could practive her budding photography skills. She did ok, didn't she? You can see some of Jill's handiwork - peaches hanging from the tree above us. Yum. They were delicious.

Of course the first thing my girls noticed was the hen house. Though my older daughter was a little uncertain about these creatures, my youngest (who's two) couldn't get enough of them. She talked to them like they'd been buds forever and informed Jill, "I think they like me!" Imagine her thrill when Jill actually let her go inside to collect eggs! 

She is, I might add, very efficient at egg gathering, if just a tad inclined to toss the eggs into the basket. Oops!

Aren't they pretty? So colorful!

This guy was sure I was there to feed him.

The trumpet vine climbing this date palm tree is truly breathtaking in person.

I had to give you a closer look at these gorgeous flowers! Now to figure out where I can add a trumpet vine in one of my growing spaces. I have a couple of palms. Hmmm...

She has the traditional raised beds. See anything you recognize? She has tomatoes, onions, peppers and more. Notice she plants nasturtiums and marigolds with her veggies. Not only do they add color, they are great for discouraging pests.

Recognize this plant? See the tell-tale white flowers and brilliant red color peeping through those pretty rounded leaves? You're right. They're strawberries. This bed was an incredible sight. Real strawberries from the garden are nothing like what we buy at the supermarket. They are bright, sweet, usually a bit smaller and smell divine. Jill's strawberry bed reminded me of my Grandma Verna's strawberries. They were always such a treat!

Ok, that's all for today. More coming tomorrow!

Die!! Die!!!! DIE!!! One Mother's Battle Against the Creatures of the Night (or How to kill Cockroaches naturally)

Summer in Arizona is a beautiful time filled with lazy summer days, swimming pools galore, desert mountain views, golf courses and one more less attractive thing...cockroaches. Ladies and Gentlemen, a few weeks ago, I discovered more than one roach in my house within a week. If you missed this exciting installment, you can read it here. It is not an exaggeration to say I completely lost it when this happened. Then, I returned to my senses and realized that freaking out over a bug (even a creepy, hairy legged sewer monster with long antenna- aaaahhhh!!!!) is not the kind of strong womanhood that I am trying to teach my girls.

Obviously, being an ORGANIC mama, I have personal beliefs about not wanting to spray chemicals all over my house. But my aversion to roaches is so strong, I confess I went to the hardware store and bought a fogger. You must know I have never sprayed my house with pesticides in the ten years I've lived here (and, we've never before had bugs!). But the creepers had to die, right? Before spraying, I looked up the primary ingredient in the fogger, Permethrin. I discovered it is a nerve agent considered carcinogenic by some sources, depending on who you ask. See the EPA's assessment.

I weighed the risks of a possible carcinogen against the dangers of the germs cockroaches can spread, like salmonella. And, I chose the chemical-free route, which means I did NOT fog or spray my house or call the city to ask them to bomb the sewer (though I'm sure they did anyway). The natural route takes a little longer but in the end it's safer and create an environment that's unfriendly to the long term habitation of creeper crawlers.

Here's why I chose to go chem-free.
1. Immediate safety - Why would I purposely expose my kids to carcinogens or neurotoxins?
2. Immediate and future environmental concerns - Spraying more poison into our water (even the sewer) seems like a bad heritage to leave our kids. Poisons do not just dissipate in water like in a super hero movie. Their effects can last for years and unless you're Harold Camping, you should probably assume you'll be here to experience the ramifications.
3. Chem's don't guarantee the absence of bugs. Even if I did choose to spray, another roach could just crawl up the drain or through a crack I missed and we'd have to start all over again. And, if the spray is strong enough to keep killing roaches, chances are it's affecting my family's health as well.
4. Bugs are a natural part of life and they even touch our food. Real food (fruits & veggies) are grown in fields where little bugs and animals travel and live. Oh, and they poop and urinate on or near the plants so...I'm thinking a roach that might touch one of my dishes is not the end of the world. Does that mean I don't wash my food? No. Not only that, I also wash my dishes before putting them away and before I use them. I'm a little psycho that way... Bwahahahahahaaa! (evil laugh)

After I returned the fogger, I turned my attention to researching my intended victims. First, I learned there are different varieties of  roaches and the type can determine the approach. We found American Roaches, which are basically sewer roaches. These suckers are big - often 2" or more and they are stinkin' fast. They truly deserve the name, vermin.

Here are a few facts about roaches.

1. Having them doesn't mean your house is dirty. In Arizona, they live in the sewer and come up through the drains. But, keeping your house clean will minimize any reason for them to stay!
2. They tend to live in moist places and some can live for weeks without food. They just need water.Great.
3. They can eat all sorts of things - including glue. Ugh.
4. Their eggs can contain 14-28 babies. So, if you get one female in your house, you can end up with a crowd. This is why you always hear the comment, "If you see one roach, there are hundreds more nearby."

If chemicals can't guarantee the absence of roaches, how can more natural methods possibly work? So glad you asked!

Natural methods of pest control use mechanical means (rather than chemical) to destroy a roach's body and make your home an inhospitable place for them to live.

Never fear, you are not powerless! 

Here are some great, natural roach fighting ideas.

1. Close points of entry.

• Cover drains & overflows - particularly at night. We just keep our drains closed all the time now.
• Caulk around toilets and drain pipes.
• Look for openings near doors, windows or outside walls and caulk or spray foam them shut

2. Eliminate any standing water inside or outside your house. This is just good advice in general - to
maintain your home and keep other little critters like mosquitoes or scorpions from finding a refuge in your space.

• Dog bowls

• Look for leaks around toilets, sinks or drains.

3. Make your home inhospitable to bugs by eliminating food sources and hiding places.

• Eliminate food sources by washing dishes immediately, wiping down counters and keeping floors clean. And don't leave food on the counters.
• Eliminate clutter around the house - like piles of papers, toys, cardboard boxes, laundry etc. All of those things give bugs like cockroaches (also silverfish and crickets) a place to hide.

4. Utilize mechanical means of killing roaches like dusting the powders below in the corners of cabinets, under the fridge and in the cracks by the dishwasher or oven. Be sure to use only a fine layer or they'll go around it. Roaches like to travel the edges of walls, so concentrate there.Although these are safer means of pest control, be careful not to puff them into the air. They can irritate the lungs.

• Food grade Diatomaceous Earth (DE) - This ground fossil powder slices through the exoskeleton and kills them within a few hours. It will also kill silverfish, crickets and ants. Only buy food grade. It's often fed to farm animals to kill parasites. It is NOT the same as what you'll find at home improvement (these contain chemical bait) or pool supply stores. I found mine at The Western Ranchman Store. It was a huge bag for only $5 or 6.
• Boric acid - as creepy as they are, roaches constantly clean themselves. After getting this powder on their legs, they ingest it and die. The kind at home improvement stores contain chemical bait - so try buying at a pharmacy instead. It should be pure there as it's used to create eye wash. Also, Boric acid is not the same as Borax. These terms are often (incorrectly) used interchangeably on the internet.

5. Keep a big spray bottle of soapy water handy. Big sewer roaches have been around the block, so to speak. Consequently, they are super fast and seem to know you're after them! There is nothing I hate more than finding a bug in my house, only to have it run into a crack before I have time to grab a shoe. So, I keep a spray bottle filled with water and 1/4 c dish soap for such occasions. This concoction covers the roach and suffocates him in under a minute. The bigger ones take longer but they'll definitely die. It's much safer than keeping Raid around little children and faster than a shoe.

6. Consider helpers who eat or kill roaches like, cats, geckos and chickens. While you might only want cats inside your house, chickens and geckos are natural enemies of this creepy crawler. Apparently, the little white mediterranean geckos that live by our porch lights here in AZ eat roaches. Two drawbacks are that they tend to drop kamakazi-like onto lower surfaces at times (including people) and they too can carry salmonella. However, I'd rather clean up after a gecko than a roach any day.


Using most of the methods above has really helped. It's great to know that it's possible to tackle a pest problem without resorting to poisoning our space. I am sleeping better at night now though I am still considering adopting a baby gecko to live in my house - just for good measure.

If I missed any great natural methods of roach control (besides a shoe and a big man), feel free to comment below!