Organic Mama Cafe

Organic Mama Is Moving!!!

2011-07-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

Hi there! I'm so glad you've stopped by to visit. I'm actually writing in a new place now and all my previous posts can be found there as well. So, if you want to make a comment, make sure you do it in my new space so I can respond.

Come visit me at Organicmamacafe.com

See you there!
Monna, the Organic Mama

"Someday" is a Dangerous Word

2011-07-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

Someday is a word with a rather fanciful quality about it, isn't it? It is often imbued with unfulfilled longings, wistful nostalgia about who we used to be or dreams of what we might become - eventually.

Lately I've been thinking "someday" isn't as much fanciful as it is dangerous because we often use it to describe a day that never comes. For example...

"Someday", I'll lose weight and fit into those size 6 jeans again.

We'll get married "someday", when we can afford a wedding.

"Someday", I'll learn to say no to extra activities that eat up my spare moments and do what I'm really dreaming of.

"Someday" when things slow down, we'll go get that coffee and catch up!

"Someday", when we make more money, we'll stop using credit and pay with cash.

I'll open that coffee shop "someday" when I'm feeling more brave.

"Someday", when I'm finally back to my "real" size, I'll go shopping for that new wardrobe. In the meantime, these old clothes will do. It'll motivate me.

"Someday", we'll go on that vacation. I just can't take time off work right now.

The problem with "Someday" is that someday never comes.

And all those dreams and hopes about what you want your life to be are just wistful thinking until you -

Set a goal

Make a plan

and

Execute it.

What "someday" have you been putting off? Stop using the word "someday" and do it!

Bringing Isaac Home - You Can Help!

2011-07-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I spent a wonderful evening at a craft night reconnecting with friends I knew from my high school youth group. I know some of you who know me might be asking, "Craft night? Monna???" and then bursting into hysterical laughter. Ok, ok. I can take the ridicule. You might remember my Facebook pic of the unfortunate felting incident which clearly illustrates my singular lack of crafting skill. Therefore, why would I go to a craft night? So glad you asked.

Friends of mine created this craft night to create items that can be sold to support the adoption of a very special little boy named Isaac. My friends Jason and Jaime, already parents of three beautiful kids, want to add Isaac to their family. Now, I could try to tell you the story of how they came to this decision or I can let you read their story here and point you to the blog where they're chronicling their journey here.

I will tell you that they have a huge amount of money to raise - $40,000 - to adopt Isaac. I can tell you that Isaac has Down Syndrome. In his country, Down Syndrom kids are usually institutionalized by age 4 and their survival rate after that goes down significantly. Isaac is now 3. I can also tell you that I have known Jaime and Jason for years and that just thinking of them always warms my heart and brings a smile to my face. They are lovely people, inside and out and are kind, honest and of the highest character. I know they will be wonderful and loving parents to Isaac.

Yes, I know. This baby is wearing a pink onesie. But, it really is Isaac

Just a note about adoption fundraising. Prior to becoming a parent, I thought this was a really strange idea. After all, if someone wants to adopt, shouldn't they be responsible enough to do it themselves? Then, I had kids and my heart opened to the needs of children around the world to be fed, clothed, rescued from desolation - loved. Now, I think of what I hope someone else would do to help my children if I were gone. And, then, I take every opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children (and adults) near me, even if I only have $5 or my talents to offer. There are so many children who need homes and if I can help in any way, I'm on board!

So, I donated to Isaac's adoption as soon as I heard.

Hope you will help too. You can donate here.

Please - Pass this link along to anyone who you think might be interested in helping!

Here are some memories of the great craft night. Don't worry, I did not waste any crafting supplies by trying to create anything. This post is my contribution..

Darling little aprons

Jeanine, one of the lovely and craft-talented volunteers

Paper bead necklaces. These are hard work!

One of the necklaces, modeled by my friend Megan.

Beautiful friends from high school, Megan and Rachel. They look like they just graduated, right?

One of my favorite items, a pillowcase dress of retro fabric!

A volunteer to whom I should probably donate my own scrapbooking supplies. She actually might use them!

Darling little hair baubles. My daughter proudly wears one!


All the talented women! Jaime is gal in the middle wearing the gray shirt. Photo Credit to Megan O of The O Show blog

Feeling Blue? Practical Remedies for Post Partum Depression

2011-06-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy and birth are two of the most amazing experiences in a woman's life. The power of our bodies to create, grow and deliver a beautiful little life is mind boggling. And, our bodies serve up a rather dizzying cocktail of natural hormones to create and sustain that tiny person growing inside us. While on the one hand, those hormones prepare us for birth by pushing us into a nesting frenzy and giving us that mama bear protectiveness after birth, they can also leave us reeling with the rapidity with which our emotions can swing from one extreme to another.

Since those hormone start ramping up from the start of pregnancy to at least the first few months after delivery (and longer if one breastfeeds), it's often hard to tell where the hormones end and where mom begins. Looking back at my two post-birth experiences, I remember times (when I thought I was acting completely rational) I would now categorize as, well, crazy-style! Then there were days when I knew I wasn't feeling right, like the time I visited my OB's office after my first baby, and began sobbing hysterically when realized I didn't have my insurance card and the office staff was rude to me. Seriously. Loud, hiccuping sobs. So embarrassing and so normal!

Now that I'm two and a half years past my most recent delivery, I can clearly see that while my emotions were probably a lot higher due to the death of my parents around the time I was delivering, I still definitely suffered from PPD each time. I contribute it to PPD partly because with each delivery, I felt a distinct change in my emotional and physical health around the two year mark. Thankfully, the first time, despite my having hysterics in public, my OB encouraged me that as long as I didn't feel I was a danger to myself or my baby, I didn't need antidepressants. As a mama who really does believe in avoiding pharmaceuticals as much as possible because of potential dangerous side affects, I'm truly grateful to her for her wise help.

So, what should you do if you're suffering from PPD? Here are some of the things I have done with success.

1. Get a little Vit D daily - as in Real Sunshine.
My dad always said that if you're feeling blue, open the blinds and let the light in. I think you should not only let the light into your house but go out for 15 minutes and let it shine on your bare skin. The brilliance of the light truly will illuminate your whole spirit. It remindes me of a verse I memorized from the Bible as a kid, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." The light of the sun is a powerful healer. Let in the light so it can blast the darkness away.

2. Get exercise daily.
You're up at crazy hours with a new baby anyway, right? Stumble out of bed and walk up and down your block. Seriously. You don't have to run a marathon. You just had a baby for goodness sake. Take it ssssssslllllllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwww. And leave the baby with your partner. You need a break.

3. Take a shower. Every.single.day.
If you haven't had a baby, you may be saying, "Duh, Mons. Obviously."

Have I got news for you, newbie. Just wait till it's your turn. Hahaha!! It's not that easy to shower when you have a 2 1/2 year old running around wreaking havoc while your newborn screams because you've put her down for the 45 seconds it takes you to pee. A full two minute shower with a screaming baby seems interminable and not relaxing. At. All.

But - Mama - do it anyway. Strap your precious munchkin into the bouncy seat, set it next to the shower and steel your heart against the cries while you lather yourself up and let that hot (or cold) water run over you for two whole minutes. Trust me. You'll feel like a new woman and your baby will thank you.

3. Connect with other adults besides your partner.
This is so much harder than it seems! There are no end to the reasons not to get out. First of all, gathering the gear to get two small children out of the house, not to mention ensuring they both have clean diapers, is a nearly overwhelming task. I learned to pack my diaper bag the night before and try to have my bottles filled (nope, breastfeeding did not go well for me!). Hot carseats, nap schedules and other stuff get in the way. But, keep trying! Find places to talk with adults whether it's a La Leche League meeting, mother's playdate group on meetup.com, church, the library or the check out at the grocery store. You need adult interaction and your partner needs a break - no matter how amazing they are.

4. Sleep every chance you get!
Every more experienced mom I knew said to me, "Sleep when your baby sleeps." And, just as many times I probably ignored that advice because I thought I was different. My house needed to be perfect. Boy was I tired! The second time I had a baby, I listened. Now I'm saying it to you. Just go to sleep. Trust me, the laundry will still need to be folded when you wake up - for the next 18 years. So, just relax, get some rest and everything will seem better in the morning.

5. Eat nourishing food and drink lots of water.
Look ladies, right after you have a baby is not the time to start a crazy weight loss plan. Relax and recover. Eat food that will give you strength - lots of great veggies, healthy proteins, whole grains, fruit and some dairy. You'll feel more nourished and up to the task.

6. Listen to music and dance like a crazy, crazy person.
This is actually advice from my first OB, Nichelle Whitehead M.D. Such great counsel. Be silly. Listen to something that reminds you of who you were before you became, "Mama" all day long. Jazz, Rock, Top 40, whatever. Dance around with your hands in the air and laugh at the sight you probably make.

7. Speaking of laughing, try it.
Find something that makes you laugh every day. Watch a funny show, read the comic strip, surf Youtube.com. There is something out there that will lift your spirits. Make it your daily assignment.

8. Visit a respected herbalist or acupuncturist for help. A good herbalist will be able to suggest herbs safe for nursing mothers. And, acupuncturists specialize in putting bodies and emotions back in balance. I find acupuncture so relaxing, I usually fall asleep during my treatments. Aaaaahhhh....

However, if you are depressed after having a baby, don't hide it. Talk to someone who loves you about what you're going through. Don't wait till you feel you're a danger to yourself or your baby. If you are, get help right away. Call your OB. Call your mom or your partner. Do not be embarrassed! Hormones and lack of sleep can affect our minds in surprising and profound ways.

Whatever your post partum experience, taking good care of yourself after having a baby is essential to your overall health as a mom, a partner and whole woman. Take care of yourself so you can take better care of your family!

Organic Mama's 3 Ways to Save in the Summer Heat

2011-06-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

Summer is definitely here and I don't know about you, but I find myself needing cool refreshment a lot more often. Since I love to hit up my local coffee shops, I have to find ways to save a little extra to afford my regular coffee or tea - hehehe...

Here are some things we do or have done in the past to save money on our regular bills each month.

1. Save on your energy bills by switching to a Time of Use plan.
Both SRP and APS offer savings on energy to customers willing to shift using energy sucking appliance like dishwashers, washers and dryers to off peak hours. APS has several different plans and SRP offers online calculators to help you determine if switching your usage will save you money. Comparing basic usage to the cost savings reveals that basic prices in July are as much as 12.12c a kilowatt hour vs. time of use price of 6.65c per kilowatt hour. Pretty significant when you add it up! It might take some adjusting to get used to a time of use plan, but in the end, it can mean great savings for you.

2. Use water wisely in the summer
Whether you're gardening or just filling up that pool, avoid unnecessary evaporation by watering in the cooler hours of the day. The University of Arizona's Master Gardener site also offers great tips for growing healthier plants by watering deeply and more effectively to create drought tolerant plants that need less water.

And, if you want to save money by using less water indoors, do what my mom always did and set guidelines for shorter shower times. With five girls, you can imagine it was a pretty huge cost savings to cut our shower time from 10 minutes each to 2. Yikes! Now that I've paid those water bills, I can only imagine those bills!

3. Use a clothesline rather than a dryer
According to Laundry List, drying laundry in the dryer can cost between $0.15 and $0.40 a load. If you're washing for a family, this adds up! If you switch to line drying you'll not only save money on the dryer, you'll save money because your clothes will last longer.

My clothes are currently on the line outside and in this heat, they'll be dry within an hour. I also have an indoor drying rack in my townhouse and those clothes take a little longer. A word of wisdom about outside line drying...be sure you turn your clothes inside out and dry them in the shade to avoid fading the colors. Unless you're drying something white. Then, put it in the sun for natural bleaching power!

There you have it. Three ways great ways to save cash toward your savings account or toward a nice cold latte from your favorite local java joint!

A Bike and A Lesson in Living Now

2011-06-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

Is there such thing as being too frugal? You'd have had a hard time convincing me of it a few months ago. My mother and her mother before her were practiced at sacrificing and saving for their families' financial welfare. My Grandma Verna survived what we call the "Great Depression" so she had money saving tips that boggle the mind, including washing and reusing bread bags and reusing paper napkins for at least two meals. My mom wasn't far behind her in practicing frugality and early on I saw the wisdom of their habits. Neither had debt, both paid off their homes and saved for the future.

As a mom, I often find myself giving up something special that I want for the sake of my family's needs or perceived needs. I prioritize bills against other things we need and push those things further down the list. As we provide (on a single income) for our small children, who eat an astonishing amount of food, I find myself giving up things I need for myself, like attractive clothing, dinners out with friends and even makeup. There have been bigger ones too - like the birthday money I received toward a "real" camera that I had to spend on an unexpected bill. That was three years ago and I still don't have the camera.

I am circumspect about these choices and recognize them as a necessary part of my decision to trade a more comfortable income with the chance to stay home and enjoy every minute of my children's preschool experience. And, I can honestly say, I am content.

But, since a rather life changing experience in February when I spent some time in critical condition due to a severe miscarriage hemorrhage, my outlook has changed. For those of you who have read my blog for a while, I don't want to harp on this excessively, but quite frankly, feeling my life almost seep out between my legs drastically affected my perspective. I emerged with a profound gratitude to be alive and a fierce determination to wring every drop from this intoxicating drink called life. I find myself saying, "Yes!" a lot more and taking every opportunity to connect with people, long time friends and strangers. And, I'm doing things for me that I had previously put off to "someday".

Before my mom died, she gave me money for a birthday and I told her I couldn't decided whether to buy a beautiful quilt I loved or get a jump on some other financial obligation.

Mom surprised me by saying, "Sweetie, you know I believe in being frugal. I have spent a lot of my life giving up things I want to support our family and I've never regretted it. But, I hope you'll get that quilt because you need to have a little fun along with the responsibility."

Like a typical daughter, I listened but I still did what I thought was right. I didn't get the quilt.

This year, I feel differently. When we had a little extra income a month ago, I did something extravagant. I spent money on ME and bought a bike. A brand new, sparkly, lavender bike. My husband threatened to pick it himself when I teetered on the edge of "No". I've been riding around like a little kid ever since and am relishing the freedom, alone time and exercise it's brought to me.

Friends, I am not advocating being unwise or thoughtless with your finances. I still believe in saving, making smart choices and shopping at thrift stores (it's like a treasure hunt!). My purchase didn't require a credit card or compromising my ability to buy groceries.

But, I discovered that I believe in one pass at this life and I want to find a way to feel it all. I want the beauty along with the ugly, the hope along with the pain. And, in this case, the bike along with helmet (even though that's a double positive). Taking hold of life does not necessarily require spending more money - but it does require our taking advantage of the moment we're in and being the fullest version of ourselves.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and that you are enjoying every bit of the life you're leading. If you're looking for me, I will be riding my bike!

The Barbie Party

2011-06-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

Now that we're done philosophizing about present opening at kid's parties, here's what we served. I hate to admit I completely forgot to photograph it because I was so stinking busy having fun and running back to my house to let people into the bathroom at my house. (Older townhouse pool = no public bathroom) Oh well. It is kind of a bummer because the food was delicious and we had a wonderful time eating it. Alas! I'll tell you about it anyway!

We decided to go for a tea party theme, since Barbie is kind of like a princess. Princesses have tea parties all the time, right?

The beautiful barbie cake. You can see our refreshing drinks in the background!

We served three different tea sandwiches, goat cheese and cucumber, pb and J for the kids, and egg salad (thanks Mom-in-law!). I also ran across a delicious cold orzo salad recipe just a few days before the party that turned out to be a huge hit. It was made with orzo, red onion, bacon, peas, mint and feta and it was incredible! There was also fruit, apple chips, potato chips (hey, everything can't be a break from tradition!), veggies with dip (thanks sis!) and cup cake cones with home made ice cream. Instead of soda, we served hibiscus tea with lime slices and water chilled overnight with pineapple, ginger and mint in it. It was delicious. And the crowning achievement was a fabulous (seriously, beautiful) Barbie cake decorated by my mother in law. The kids could not wait to taste it!

Cute fruit landscape courtesy of my Mother-in-Law

We decorated with barbie stuff, fresh flowers, balloons and streamers. And instead of plastic toys as party favors, we just gave the flowers to the little princesses. They didn't seem to notice the difference.

I was pretty excited about how it turned out, especially because it's the first part of that size I've hosted at our townhouse. Well, at the pool anyway. And the kids had a great time even though they had to run back to my house every time they needed to use the bathroom.


Here's a full length shot of the barbie and the roses we gave to the princesses in attendance.

The best part is that after we came home, my husband sweetly sent me upstairs to take a nap while the girls played with the new toys and he cleaned up the remaining destruction. Could it get any better?

Appreciating the Giver, part deux

2011-06-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend, we marked the passing of five years since my oldest daughter's birth in the only way such an occasion can be marked. We had a Barbie party, of course.

I know, I know. Barbie is not a very strong role model in a household where feminine values of equality, spiritual insight, intellect and strength are celebrated daily. But, those are my hang ups, not my daughter's. When my daughter sees Barbie, she's not thinking, "Why are Barbie's boobs unnaturally large and pointy, like she's had a boob job?" or "Why do even Barbie's professional clothes make her look like she's engaging in some kind of sexy role playing?" Nope. When my daughter sees Barbie, she sees a beautiful princess who likes to wear cool clothes and has long lustrous hair.

Which is exactly what I want to talk about today.

For those of you who read last week's post about our plan to save gift opening till after the party because we wanted to focus on just having fun with our friends rather than making the party about gifts, here's an update.
Your comments were supportive and encouraging even if you disagreed, like this friend did.

"I admire you trying to change...let me "share"...from the other side. ...my child, waits in anticipation for gift time to come, so that they can give their friend their carefully chosen gift and see them open the gift that they had chosen for them...the thank you card... is not the same as the joy of seeing someone open your gift.

As I took in the responses, I noticed a pattern. Several moms shared their own feelings of insecurity about giving gifts to their peers or to their children's peers in a public setting. I began to realize that this concern about giving an appropriate gift might be more related to our insecurities about "fitting in" as adults and being validated in our choices than it was about our kids' feelings regarding gifts.

I recognized this, partly, thanks to an antagonist who wrote me a strongly worded email expressing her frank opposition. Her email started similarly to the above message but also shared her concern that doing things too far out of the norm (like not serving hot dogs or not opening gifts at a party) would make my daughter's party so weird her friends wouldn't want to come again and that her social life could be permanently skewed (at age 5!). The author finished by saying that it's really important for kids to "fit in" with their friends at this stage in life.

Those of you who have known me for a while may have started chuckling as you read that last sentence. 'Cause, you know, I'm just known for doing whatever is necessary to fit into the crowd. Hahaha!!

It is my highest goal and full intention as a mother to teach my children the opposite of "fitting in". I pray and hope they will learn to live their lives according to their consciences and our family's belief system regardless of how far out of the norm that puts them. I don't want my children to feel they need to mute who they are or what they believe just so they can "fit in".

No way.

We are intentionally raising our daughters to be confident, EXTRA-ordinary women who are comfortable in their own skin and in their ability to make wise choices, even if those choices rock the boat a bit. I only hope they will learn to temper their strength with a grace, love and compassion that exceeds what I have shown at various times in my life.

That said, I don't really think not choosing to open gifts at a party is that big of a "rock the boat" issue. I mean, I just wanted to try something new because it seemed like it might be a good idea! So, why the strong reaction from both sides?

The truth is, I think the majority of us have been situations where we have felt insecure about whether or not our (or our child's) gift was "good enough". And friends, when I say a "majority" of parents, I'm counting myself.

Listening to fellow moms express their fears about whether or not their gift would be appreciated helped me recognize my own feelings of insecurity over whether or not what I have to offer is good enough. But the thing is, if the person receiving the gift loves you or me, they will appreciate our intention. And, regardless of their reaction, we should feel confident that we each have something precious to offer those we love. Fear of rejection should not guide our life decisions.

Which leads me to my final thoughts on this subject. When I realized that the conclusions I'd reached about not opening gifts at my daughter's party might (!!!) just be more about my hangups than those of the children who would be attending the party, I decided to observe the kids at the party and make my decision based on their interactions not my own insecurities.

Here's what I saw.

Fun, excited little friends who arrived at the party bearing gifts, dressed for a swim-fest. They jumped in the pool, raced around with their Barbies (well, if they were girls), ate and drank with gusto and clearly had a wonderful time celebrating with each other. Then, as the party neared its end, they all said, "When are you going to open my gift?" Obviously, they considered it the high point in the festivities.

So, we gathered around and with giggles and great excitement, the entire crowd of kids "helped" my daughter open her gifts. They all gasped with pleasure over each gift and she was truly excited with each and every special treasure her friends had carefully chosen, wrapped and presented. A carefully-drawn princess card created by one of her little friends received one of the biggest exclamations of delight of the party.

Watching the process gave me a new appreciation for my daughter and her ability to make her friends feel loved. And, it taught me a lesson in not projecting my own insecurities on my daughter.

There you have it. I still think it wouldn't be a big deal not to open presents at a party, especially for a younger crowd (say, 2 or 3 and under). A friend who moved to New Orleans about three years ago says she's only been to one party in that time where the birthday boy or girl opened gifts. But in this case, I learned a lesson about myself and being confident in who I am and the choices I make about my daughter. I want to make choices that are best for our family, whether or not they fit in with the norm. And, if I realize I am making an issue about something that may not be that big of a deal, I can change my mind without feeling like I've "lost face".

Whew. That's about enough philosophizing for me today. Tomorrow I'll tell you about the party menu. It was AWESOME.

I love hearing your feedback. Keep it coming!

Super Summer Smoothies

2011-06-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

It's summer and my girls and I have been on the go a lot, swimming and visiting with friends. Hot weather equals lighter fare so we have been drinking smoothies for breakfast or as snacks. Plus, they're really fast and don't require heating up the kitchen. Who can argue with that?

I strongly believe that a body which is consistently nourished with good food will crave the food it needs to survive its current environment. At least this seems true with myself and my kids. Of course, the opposite occurs when I consistently barrage my palate with lots of sugar and nutrient deficient food, because those things have an addictive quality. That said, we crave water-laden fruit in the summer, definitely needed in the Arizona heat. So, in summer, our smoothies are fruit based but I usually manage to sneak a few veggies in as well.

These aren't exact measurements because, well, I don't use them myself. I am more into percentages that I increase or decrease based on how many people I'm serving. Here are my basic guidelines for fruity smoothies.

1. Only add enough liquid like yogurt, nut milk or coconut milk to get the blender moving. The flavors will be stronger and the smoothie will have a richer texture. If, like my husband, you enjoy more liquid-y smoothies, use more liquid.
2. Buy organic fruit frozen*. It's more cost effective than fresh and creates an ice-cream quality in your smoothie.
3. Add a banana unless you need to avoid them for some reason. They add creaminess and they are full of nutrients.
4. Try skipping the sweetener. Fruit, especially bananas, are rich in natural sugars. If you must sweeten more, try raw honey or raw agave syrup. Just a splash.
5. Blend till everything is really smooth. Nothing like a chunk of something to ruin a good smoothie. We're lucky enough to have a retro Vitamix (the stainless steel one) we received as a gift. And we love it.

Here are a few of our regular smoothies. I'll post others as we create them.

Basic Fruit Smoothie

yogurt (almond milk or coconut milk)

banana

frozen fruit like strawberries or raspberries

1 apple, sliced and quartered

1/4 cup of chopped red cabbage (you won't even taste it, I promise!)

splash of vanilla

*Variation - instead of chopped red cabbage, add 1 cup or so of fresh spinach to your smoothie. You can use more because it has a mild flavor and won't change the overall taste of your smoothie.

Pina Colada Smoothie

Coconut milk (you can use light or full fat)

Banana

Frozen pineapple

1/4 cup of shredded carrot

Chocolate Smoothie

Almond milk

Banana

2-3 T. Almond butter (you can use a handful of almonds but I'd only recommend it if you have a good blender or it'll be crunchy - and not in a good way)

1 T. raw cacoa nib powder or more if you like super chocolate (rich in antioxidants & flavonoids. Available & reasonably priced at Mountain Rose Herbs)

a few chunks of ice

This one is more of a treat, since it tastes like ice cream

Contains caffeine so use with caution if serving to children, just like you would anything containing chocolate. Otherwise, you may be looking at a very late bedtime!

*Organic Mama Money Saving Tip $$$

If you run across a great sale or a friend needs to unload a bunch of fruit from their trees that you just can't eat in time, try freezing it. Just wash, slice, freeze on a cookie sheet and then bag. Otherwise, you'll end up with a huge bag of frozen mush. Still usable for baking but difficult to use for smoothies.

Appreciating the Giver, More than the Gift

2011-06-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

This weekend, we're celebrating my oldest daughter's fifth birthday party and we're trying something new. In an effort to make the party about celebrating my daughter and teaching her to enjoy her friends, we won't be opening any gifts at the party. Before you get up in arms about my poor daughter not having a real birthday, read the previous sentence again. I didn't say she won't be getting gifts (Sheesh! I'm not a monster!), just that we won't be opening them at the party.

The idea not to open gifts at a kid's birthday party comes from experience. Prior to having my own children, I went to several of my friends' children's parties as a guest. Having grown up in a large, very noisy family who loved to have huge parties, I was used to the noise and chaos of 25+ children running around in a bouncy toy hall. But, the "present" ritual attracted my attention. I noticed that at present time, the guest of honor was often too high on sugar and adrenaline to even know what they were opening, let alone appreciate it.

Possibly more importantly that the celebrant's reaction, I noticed the reactions of the kids in attendance. Different social backgrounds determined what they were able to give and their reaction to gifts given by others. Some kids seemed oblivious to the whole process, usually those from higher income families for whom many presents are a given. Others seemed more sensitive to the response of the birthday child to their gift (was it loved as much as another child's?), exhibiting embarrassment over the gift they gave or jealousy over others' gifts.

Apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way. Here's Miss Manner's opinion, available at
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=20291213

Gentle Reader,
As it happens, this is a matter on which Miss Manners has recently issued A Pronouncement. And she has sided against the traditionalists.

Whoever thought it was a good idea to have a group of children sit around watching one child getting lots of stuff? The strain on the young host to exclaim over everything, including duplicates and disappointments, is equaled by the strain on the guests to conceal envy, as well as fear that their contributions don't match up.

Parents who have decided that it is more effective to teach gratitude in private, through forced writing of letters of thanks (let us hope that they are not sparing the children that), have done a favor for themselves and for their young guests.

I continued to feel uncomfortable with this ritual after having kids but caved to pressure from family members who felt it would be rude not to open presents at a party. I didn't know how exactly to communicate what I felt and I didn't want to commit a social faux pas. But I couldn't help but wondering what would happen if instead of opening presents as a major part of a party, we just saved those for a more private time when the birthday girl could enjoy them more?

Something has changed in me this year. I'm more gutsy. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's having faced one too many life altering experiences to care what other people think of my choices. My decision is to do things a little differently this year.

So, we're not opening presents at my daughter's party this year. Instead, we'll focus on having a great time with the neighbors, family and friends who are coming to celebrate with us. Rather than presents, we'll focus on good food, laughter and swimming. After every dreg of pink tea is enjoyed, every last ice cream cone cupcake is eaten and every guest has been sent home feeling special and loved, we will head indoors to open some presents. Then, we'll work on thank you cards that our daughter can decorate and hand deliver - so the givers feel well-thanked.

We've talked about this with our daughter and she is ok with it right now though it will be interesting to see how she feels on Saturday. After all, she is five. But, parenting is a bit of an experiment most of the time isn't it?

In the end, what I really want my daughter to learn is to love and to see the value of all her friends - regardless of the kind of gift they can afford to buy her. And, if it means she is "different" from her friends, she'll learn to feel comfortable with standing up for how our family does yet another thing differently, like eating organic, not drinking juice and believing in a God who loves every person in our world. Just another character building experience. And, who knows, maybe it will be a new party tradition that will make everyone more comfortable in the end?

What do you think?

Have a great weekend, everyone!

The Adventures of DeSTruCTO Girl

2011-06-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind at our house as my two year old approaches the two and a half mark. Just as I was starting to relax because she's not so tippy when climbing and she plays so well with her sister so I can get something done, she changes it all up on me! The last few days, I've been spending all my time chasing that kid around and creating new resolutions for how to keep her safe. I figured I should capture some of her adventures here before I forget them!

Since I don't post pics of my kids on the blog, you'll just have to imagine the personality of this little woman. Her darling chubby cheeks, expressive eyes, astounding vocabulary and self-possessed manner remind me very much of Shirley Temple. On the other hand, her determination, reckless risk taking and wacky sense of humor remind me of Margaret O'brien's character, Tootie, in Meet Me In St Louis. Remember her? She's kind of like a charming Tazmanian Devil. But her nickname (besides Destructo Girl - which my father-in-law protests) is Monkey. Here's a small window into what part of a day with her is like.

Monkey climbs into my bed around 4:30 am and we snuggle and sleep till she wakes around 7:30. She opens her eyes, makes several silly faces at me and says, "It's morning time, Mommy!!" Me "Don't you want to snuggle a little longer?" Monkey "Nope, Mama. Let's have breakfast! How about porridge?"

Waiting for breakfast only results in crazed, wild Monkey so we head downstairs to breakfast. As I prep the food, I find myself hollaring, "Monkey, get off the table!" "Monkey, stop playing with my candle." "Monkey, QUIT hitting your sister!!!" By the time she reaches the breakfast table, she's worked up a healthy appetite. She eats porridge, toast, an egg and some fruit. She wants yogurt too but I tell her to take a break. After eating she plays with big sis (the Princess) while I clean up the kitchen.

In the midst of playtime/cleanup, I see the girls coming down the hall together, giggling hysterically. In a seemingly impossible lack of acrobatic skill, Monkey slips and knocks her back against the corner of the wall. Big sister Princess looks at me, horrified. I reassure her the accident isn't her fault and check out Monkey's back. Great. A giant welt has instantly appeared. I apply arnica cream and we get dressed to leave the house.

In the car, we turn on the radio and Monkey asks, "Oh, is that Baby Gaga?" I laugh and answer, "Sort of." Non-plussed, she remarks, "I like her. She has a good singing voice." My oldest and I exchange amused smiles in the rear view mirror. We pass a Starbucks and Monkey says, "Oooo, Starbucks! How about a Whoopie Pie, Mom? Those are my favorite!!" I don't know where she gets these ideas. Of course, I've NEVER given her Whoopie Pie. Well, maybe once. Or twice. Look, I'm desperate for distractions sometimes, people! But we don't buy one today.

We visit Grandma's house to tend our little garden and Monkey vaults out of her carseat. She races through the house looking for Gram (who isn't home yet) and settles for the toybox. Since the house isn't too large and fairly open, I take a moment to talk to my husband's Aunt in the kitchen, keeping Monkey in the corner of my vision. Suddenly, I can't see her so I run to the den where the other toys are stored. No Monkey. I run through the house calling her.

Then, I notice the front door isn't fully latched. My heart lurches into my throat and I quickly call to my Aunt for help then race out front, calling Monkey. Within a minute, my aunt calls me. Monkey has been found, playing in Gram's bathroom. It takes an hour for my heart rate to return to normal and about one second to make a new resolution. All outer doors must be latched at the top from this moment.

Later in the day, Grandpa takes "Monkey duty" and they play with the toys in the den while Gram and I chat in the living room. Within about 8 minutes I realize, it's quiet. Too quiet. I call to my father-in-law who says Monkey is MIA.

???!!!

I go straight to the bathroom this time. Laughter and horror fill me at the sight that greets my eyes. Monkey is sitting on top of the bathroom counter (ah!) with her feet and part of her bootie in a full sink of water. Her diaper (not a swimmie) is about to burst and all gram's special beauty creams are floating in the sink too. Thankfully, most are closed. As I step into the bathroom, I hear a squish and my feet are wet.

"Oh no! Monkey!!" I start throwing towels on the floor as fast as I can while my baby proudly says, "Hi Mama. Look what I did!" I wrap her in a towel and chastise her while cleaning up as fast as possible. Gram comes in about that time and helps me clean up the mess. I'm happy to say my inlaws have a sense of humor and most thankfully - that they don't have a tub in their bathroom. We finish cleaning up before Grandpa sees the worst of it but his reaction is classic. "Ok. Monkey needs to be watched every moment from now on."

Um, ok. Good idea.

Wait - who had her last???

The rest of the day isn't much different minus any more missing incidents since we return to our much smaller (thank God!) townhouse. When I finally get my girls ready for bed a few hours later, my oldest asks. "Mom, are you going to go to bed at the same time as us tonight or later? I weigh the likelihood of getting a lot done without Monkey around to distract me (HIGH) against the realization that if tomorrow is anything like today, I'm going to need as much rest as possible (also HIGH).

Monkey says, "I want to sleep with you Mama."

She looks at me sweetly out of the corner of her eye and gives me a guileless smile. The list of chores seems rather less important suddenly.

Then, I say, "I think I'll go to bed now." And I lie down, wrap my arms around a Monkey and a Princess and fall fast asleep.

The Sweet Life Garden part 2

2011-06-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

Here's the followup to yesterday's post highlighting our visit to gardener Jill's Sweet Life Garden.
Jill uses healthy gardening methods like composting, companion planting and avoids using chemicals on her plants or the pests who might visit. Her garden is proof that you don't need to buy Miracle Grow to create a stunning green space.

Jill is a proficient gardener and homemaker. For those of you who think a garden takes too much time, be encouraged. Jill says she usually only spends about an hour a day in the garden when it's not peach season. Along with the plants I've shared these last two days, Jill also grows blackberries, blueberries, several other varieties of trees and more. She offers eggs at her farmstand as well as delicious preserves. And the peaches, which were the original inspiration for our visit? Sweet, flavorful and luscious! If you'd like to know more about this garden, please visit Jill's blog.

Today we'll look at some of the more creative garden ideas Jill employs. The effect is a very romantic, cottage style garden.

Who knew celery could be so pretty?

I love how Jill manages to tuck so many trees into her space and still grow things underneath them.
Here is an apricot tree planted with catnip, society garlic and other whimsical looking plants.

Apricot tree

Jill has many trees around the property - including two shading the chicken coop, a must in the scorching Arizona summer. One of Jill's gardening tips is that she keeps them trimmed fairly low. She suggests letting them grow no higher than what you can reach from a ladder. After all, you want to be able to reach the fruit you're growing.

Here's another great idea. Jill is training her apples (she has both Fiji and Anna) into an apple hedge growing on the pool fence. How creative!

Tomatoes, my favorite.

See this fountain? Those aren't just flowers growing underneath.


Alyssum (pest repellant), melons and some kind of pretty purple stalk.


A closer look at the society garlic.

Let's finish with just one of the many gorgeous rose bushes Jill tends.

If you just can't get enough of this garden, don't fret. It's featured, along with several others, in the Arcadia Garden Tour which happens twice a year. You missed the spring tour but it's not too late for fall. Check out Jill's blog and stay tuned for news from the beautiful Sweet Life Garden. Thanks again for the tour, Jill!

The Sweet Life Garden part 1

2011-06-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

The beautiful weather these past few months has lured my girls and me out into nature lately. And, last week, we had the opportunity to check out a garden I've been admiring online for a while. We learned via Facebook that the peaches at the Sweet Life Garden were ready to pick and would only be available a few more days. So, Tuesday morning, we headed over as early as I could bundle the girls into the car (hint: not before 9!) and headed to Arcadia. I just had to share with you some of the sights we enjoyed. Today's post will be some of the more traditional aspects of her garden and tomorrow, I'll show you some of the more creative things she's done in her garden.

Organic Mama will be regularly featuring some of the amazing gardens around the Phoenix area. Hopefully, it will encourage those of you who are new to gardening to jump in and get started. Don't worry if your garden area isn't as large as Jill's. Check out some of the creative ways she tucks plants into different spaces and go for it! For more on Jill's garden, check out her blog.

What a magical entrance to the garden!

Photo Credit: Daughter No 1

First, meet Jill, the lovely lady behind this garden. She and I posed so my five year old could practive her budding photography skills. She did ok, didn't she? You can see some of Jill's handiwork - peaches hanging from the tree above us. Yum. They were delicious.

Of course the first thing my girls noticed was the hen house. Though my older daughter was a little uncertain about these creatures, my youngest (who's two) couldn't get enough of them. She talked to them like they'd been buds forever and informed Jill, "I think they like me!" Imagine her thrill when Jill actually let her go inside to collect eggs!

She is, I might add, very efficient at egg gathering, if just a tad inclined to toss the eggs into the basket. Oops!

Aren't they pretty? So colorful!

This guy was sure I was there to feed him.

The trumpet vine climbing this date palm tree is truly breathtaking in person.

I had to give you a closer look at these gorgeous flowers! Now to figure out where I can add a trumpet vine in one of my growing spaces. I have a couple of palms. Hmmm...

She has the traditional raised beds. See anything you recognize? She has tomatoes, onions, peppers and more. Notice she plants nasturtiums and marigolds with her veggies. Not only do they add color, they are great for discouraging pests.

Recognize this plant? See the tell-tale white flowers and brilliant red color peeping through those pretty rounded leaves? You're right. They're strawberries. This bed was an incredible sight. Real strawberries from the garden are nothing like what we buy at the supermarket. They are bright, sweet, usually a bit smaller and smell divine. Jill's strawberry bed reminded me of my Grandma Verna's strawberries. They were always such a treat!

Ok, that's all for today. More coming tomorrow!

Die!! Die!!!! DIE!!! One Mother's Battle Against the Creatures of the Night (or How to kill Cockroaches naturally)

2011-06-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Summer in Arizona is a beautiful time filled with lazy summer days, swimming pools galore, desert mountain views, golf courses and one more less attractive thing...cockroaches. Ladies and Gentlemen, a few weeks ago, I discovered more than one roach in my house within a week. If you missed this exciting installment, you can read it here. It is not an exaggeration to say I completely lost it when this happened. Then, I returned to my senses and realized that freaking out over a bug (even a creepy, hairy legged sewer monster with long antenna- aaaahhhh!!!!) is not the kind of strong womanhood that I am trying to teach my girls.

Obviously, being an ORGANIC mama, I have personal beliefs about not wanting to spray chemicals all over my house. But my aversion to roaches is so strong, I confess I went to the hardware store and bought a fogger. You must know I have never sprayed my house with pesticides in the ten years I've lived here (and, we've never before had bugs!). But the creepers had to die, right? Before spraying, I looked up the primary ingredient in the fogger, Permethrin. I discovered it is a nerve agent considered carcinogenic by some sources, depending on who you ask. See the EPA's assessment.

I weighed the risks of a possible carcinogen against the dangers of the germs cockroaches can spread, like salmonella. And, I chose the chemical-free route, which means I did NOT fog or spray my house or call the city to ask them to bomb the sewer (though I'm sure they did anyway). The natural route takes a little longer but in the end it's safer and create an environment that's unfriendly to the long term habitation of creeper crawlers.

Here's why I chose to go chem-free.
1. Immediate safety - Why would I purposely expose my kids to carcinogens or neurotoxins?
2. Immediate and future environmental concerns - Spraying more poison into our water (even the sewer) seems like a bad heritage to leave our kids. Poisons do not just dissipate in water like in a super hero movie. Their effects can last for years and unless you're Harold Camping, you should probably assume you'll be here to experience the ramifications.
3. Chem's don't guarantee the absence of bugs. Even if I did choose to spray, another roach could just crawl up the drain or through a crack I missed and we'd have to start all over again. And, if the spray is strong enough to keep killing roaches, chances are it's affecting my family's health as well.
4. Bugs are a natural part of life and they even touch our food. Real food (fruits & veggies) are grown in fields where little bugs and animals travel and live. Oh, and they poop and urinate on or near the plants so...I'm thinking a roach that might touch one of my dishes is not the end of the world. Does that mean I don't wash my food? No. Not only that, I also wash my dishes before putting them away and before I use them. I'm a little psycho that way... Bwahahahahahaaa! (evil laugh)

After I returned the fogger, I turned my attention to researching my intended victims. First, I learned there are different varieties of roaches and the type can determine the approach. We found American Roaches, which are basically sewer roaches. These suckers are big - often 2" or more and they are stinkin' fast. They truly deserve the name, vermin.

Here are a few facts about roaches.

1. Having them doesn't mean your house is dirty. In Arizona, they live in the sewer and come up through the drains. But, keeping your house clean will minimize any reason for them to stay!
2. They tend to live in moist places and some can live for weeks without food. They just need water.Great.
3. They can eat all sorts of things - including glue. Ugh.
4. Their eggs can contain 14-28 babies. So, if you get one female in your house, you can end up with a crowd. This is why you always hear the comment, "If you see one roach, there are hundreds more nearby."

If chemicals can't guarantee the absence of roaches, how can more natural methods possibly work? So glad you asked!

Natural methods of pest control use mechanical means (rather than chemical) to destroy a roach's body and make your home an inhospitable place for them to live.

Never fear, you are not powerless!

Here are some great, natural roach fighting ideas.

1. Close points of entry.

Cover drains & overflows - particularly at night. We just keep our drains closed all the time now.
Caulk around toilets and drain pipes.
Look for openings near doors, windows or outside walls and caulk or spray foam them shut

2. Eliminate any standing water inside or outside your house. This is just good advice in general - to
maintain your home and keep other little critters like mosquitoes or scorpions from finding a refuge in your space.

Dog bowls

Look for leaks around toilets, sinks or drains.

3. Make your home inhospitable to bugs by eliminating food sources and hiding places.

Eliminate food sources by washing dishes immediately, wiping down counters and keeping floors clean. And don't leave food on the counters.
Eliminate clutter around the house - like piles of papers, toys, cardboard boxes, laundry etc. All of those things give bugs like cockroaches (also silverfish and crickets) a place to hide.

4. Utilize mechanical means of killing roaches like dusting the powders below in the corners of cabinets, under the fridge and in the cracks by the dishwasher or oven. Be sure to use only a fine layer or they'll go around it. Roaches like to travel the edges of walls, so concentrate there.Although these are safer means of pest control, be careful not to puff them into the air. They can irritate the lungs.

Food grade Diatomaceous Earth (DE) - This ground fossil powder slices through the exoskeleton and kills them within a few hours. It will also kill silverfish, crickets and ants. Only buy food grade. It's often fed to farm animals to kill parasites. It is NOT the same as what you'll find at home improvement (these contain chemical bait) or pool supply stores. I found mine at The Western Ranchman Store. It was a huge bag for only $5 or 6.
Boric acid - as creepy as they are, roaches constantly clean themselves. After getting this powder on their legs, they ingest it and die. The kind at home improvement stores contain chemical bait - so try buying at a pharmacy instead. It should be pure there as it's used to create eye wash. Also, Boric acid is not the same as Borax. These terms are often (incorrectly) used interchangeably on the internet.

5. Keep a big spray bottle of soapy water handy. Big sewer roaches have been around the block, so to speak. Consequently, they are super fast and seem to know you're after them! There is nothing I hate more than finding a bug in my house, only to have it run into a crack before I have time to grab a shoe. So, I keep a spray bottle filled with water and 1/4 c dish soap for such occasions. This concoction covers the roach and suffocates him in under a minute. The bigger ones take longer but they'll definitely die. It's much safer than keeping Raid around little children and faster than a shoe.

6. Consider helpers who eat or kill roaches like, cats, geckos and chickens. While you might only want cats inside your house, chickens and geckos are natural enemies of this creepy crawler. Apparently, the little white mediterranean geckos that live by our porch lights here in AZ eat roaches. Two drawbacks are that they tend to drop kamakazi-like onto lower surfaces at times (including people) and they too can carry salmonella. However, I'd rather clean up after a gecko than a roach any day.

Using most of the methods above has really helped. It's great to know that it's possible to tackle a pest problem without resorting to poisoning our space. I am sleeping better at night now though I am still considering adopting a baby gecko to live in my house - just for good measure.

If I missed any great natural methods of roach control (besides a shoe and a big man), feel free to comment below!

This Little Light of Mine

2011-05-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

This morning, I'm relishing the beauty of my crazy life. Two of my nephews just drove away with my sister after spending 4 days and nights rockin' our household while their parents enjoyed a well-deserved vacation, alone. (something we parents need on occasion!) I'm just now sitting down for the first time this morning - to appreciate the fun it was.

Housing four kids, age 7 and under, is rather an amazing feat in a townhouse that's not set up for it. And not only did I have four kids for the last few days, I actually had some extras running around too. Monday, a our little two year old buddy (another girl) was over to play. That night we enjoyed an evening with our four - plus some dear friends (in from out of town!) who brought their three over as well. You can imagine the noise level with 7 kids in a small space. It was mostly happy noise. Tuesday, I packed us all up and headed to a friend's house to watch her 6 and a 4 year old while she headed to work. So, I got to try my hand at 6 kids. Whew! They played pretty well together. Outside play is the key!!

It would probably be easier to gradually build up to having four kids around all the time but I was pleasantly surprised at how fun it was. The biggest challenge was probably food prep. I found myself channeling my mom and my Grandma Verna - who had five and seven children respectively - and who cooked nearly everything from scratch. I remember my mom telling stories about growing up on their family stock-farm. The girls (mom and gram) woke up and started cooking for the boys. The boys would come in from chores, eat breakfast and head back out to the fields. Meanwhile, the girls would clean up the mess from breakfast and start cooking dinner (lunch). After lunch, they'd start all over again for supper! That's pretty much what it felt like for me the last few days!

After the boys left today, I surveyed the small explosions of toys, clothes, laundry and other remains of the experience around the house and decided to walk away and head out to my latest little garden experiment. As I worked on my new compost pile (more on that later!), I found my heart sort of swelling up with a sort of joyous glee.

Not only did I survive four days with four kids under seven - I enjoyed every minute! We laughed when the three and two year old had sweet little conversations with each other and shared their toys. I nearly cried when my oldest nephew fell and took it hard in the knee - and felt pride when he bravely soldiered through the cleaning and bandaging. We fed my nephew's pet tortoise and let him walk around in our yard, marveling at his tiny size and his perfect design. Watching a baby tortoise eat is an amazing thing!

We weathered little arguments and temper tantrums between the youngest and erupted in laughter at the crazy giggles of joy that emerged from the two oldest as they stayed up late to play old school Nintendo with my husband. We ended our visit with a trip to In 'n' Out Burger last night (yes, even Organic Mama breaks down to eat fast food on occasion), and the kids were in heaven, laughing and making up ridiculous jokes while slurping down their hormone-filled chocolate shakes (see, I still think about it!). And...I managed not to freak out when my two year old decided to destroy her sister's tea party set because she liked the sound of porcelain smashing on the tile.

As my nephews drove away, we chatted with a few neighbors and a friend stopped by to bring me some kitchen scraps for my compost. She checked out my small garden and we visited for a few minutes before she left. Then, as I watered my garden after she left and touched a few of my lovely little plants, I thought back on this week and felt an almost overwhelming joy at the way my life is unfolding before me.

My life is nothing like I planned and yet - so much better than I imagined it. I haven't achieved the kind of career I intended. I am not living in the little (single family) house with a big yard I thought I needed. Instead we have a multi-family house with a big yard (more about our house here)! I still count every penny and sometimes worry about how we're going to meet our financial obligations - though we're super frugal and our only debt is our mortgage.

But, in all the ways that count, I think I just might be the richest person I know. The rooms of my small home, two upstairs and two down, echo with the sounds of real life, laughter and tears, fights and making up. The person I admire most in all the world loves me (me!) and thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful. The prettiest, sweetest and smartest little girls I've ever met are my little daughters and think I hang the moon (as long as I'm not telling them to pick up their toys). My four sisters - strong, brilliant, beautiful and opinionated - are amazing women who I'm proud to call family. Some of the most incredible women (and men) I know - call me friend.

Lately, this gratefulness has become a regular thing with me and I believe I know why. I think my near death experience in February, when I said goodbye to the baby I was so longing to meet, served (for me, anyway) a medium that makes the blessings in my life stand our in brilliant relief against the pain. It reminded me - rather dramatically - that life is like a brilliant flash of light that can be extinguished far too easily. And, unlike when my mom, dad and brother died and I first faced my own mortality and responded with a kind of life-paralysis, this is different. While I miss that little baby with physical ache at times, I am grateful for the gift he gave me of living NOW.

Going through pain and loss only makes life's moments of wonder and joy that much more precious. I haven't always felt this way. It is a lesson that I'm still learning - after multiple opportunities. But, I'm determined to be IN LIFE. Messy and loud and crazy as it is (at least in our house!), I'm enjoying every minute. Every visit, every laugh and cry, every stinking diaper that my two year old takes off (yes, still doing that!), every dear friend (or potential new friend!), every challenge and moment of ease, every chance to house 4 kids in my small house - I'm going to take it and have fun doing it!

Funny that this post went a direction I didn't expect today. But, the truth is, it's what I've been thinking about lately. The light I have a chance to be. The light we all can be to those around us.

My flash of light will be something worth seeing. My goal is that I'll blaze so brightly that when I'm gone, those around me still glow with a residual light.

What about you?

Easy Plants for the Newbie Arizona Gardener

2011-05-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

So, a few weeks ago, I talked about how gardening might just improve your sex life. If you missed that post, read it here. Today, I'd like to introduce you to some of my garden friends who just LOVE growing in the Arizona climate. Want to try your hand at edible/herbal gardening in AZ but don't know where to start? Here are some beautiful and fairly easy options for the newbie gardener.

Before you start, you two basic things to create a successful garden - good soil and regular water.

These plants all enjoy fairly fertile, well drained soil. Since Arizona soil is largely hard rock clay, I add compost and sometimes a little sand if the soil isn't draining well. You may have to wet your soil down to add these other components. When you're finished, the dirt should look rich, dark and fairly crumbly. These plants will grow well in the ground or in a pot. But if you plant in pots, don't use anything smaller than a 5 gallon pot. In the summer, plant roots will steam in anything smaller.

As for water, if you want to have healthy plants, it's better to water deeply (soak rather than sprinkle!) and infrequently (every 2-3 days) to develop a strong root system. I actually plant my plants in little ditches so I fill them with water and the water soaks about 6-8 inches down. While it seems like a lot of water at the time, since you water less frequently, it's a more water conservative option.

Ok, now that you know how to successfully prep for these garden stars, let me introduce them!

Aloe Vera
There are a couple hundred varieties of Aloe Vera. Aloe is an absolute essential in sunny Arizona. There is no substitute for it when dealing with a sunburn. Those bottles of gel in the store are not as effective. When I was growing up at my parents' house, my mom devoted a flower bed lucious green variety of aloe. The leaves were bright green with pretty white spots and they produced a flowering stalk every year. If I, or one of my sisters, managed to get a sunburn, we simply smoothed this on the burn and it minimized the damage considerably. I have also read that some people use it as a sunburn preventative.

While some people use aloe internally as a laxative or for other ailments, our family primarily uses it topically for sunburns or in lotion making. It is wise to consult an herbalist when considering using aloe internally. Pregnant women should not use aloe internally.

Aloe reproduces by means of a little shoot that creates another plant. If you don't want the shooters, give them away as gifts!

Mint
Spearmint, peppermint, applemint, chocolate mint! There are a ton of mint varieties. Mint is colorful and delicious in tea or salads and creates a bright spot in any garden. It is cooling for feverish babies and energizing for those who are a bit tired. This is a great plant for beginning gardeners because it's a weed and will survive almost any abuse and return year after year. I, myself, have left my mint to die by not watering it many times but it just keeps on going! Though, a friend swears she has killed 3 mint plants. I think this is more of a unique accomplishment than a typical mint experience.

Mint is one of those plants that reproduces pretty fast. Unless you have time to keep in check, plant it in a pot. On the other hand, if you have an area you need to cover, mint will take it over.

Rosemary
What a lovely smell this plant has! It loves the hot weather and is seriously hardy. I have always loved rosemary because when I was a young, romantic girl (as opposed to a grown, romantic girl), I remember reading a story about a young hero giving his lover rosemary so she would remember him as he embarked on an epic journey. Of course, as an adult, I have also learned to love rosemary for the fragrant flavor she adds to savory and sweet recipes. One of my family's favorites recipes is a rosemary shortbread I make on rare occasions - mostly because I want to eat the whole pan! Mmmm....

Full sun is just fine for this mediterranean herb.

Thyme
Like rosemary, thyme is a hardy friend in an Arizona garden. Also a mediterranean herb, the hot climate agrees with it. However, thyme does seem to appreciate a little afternoon shade in the summer. One of my thyme plants is in a pot so I just move it when the temperatures rise.

I recently planted some creeping thyme and I'm really pleased with how beautiful it looks. I am hoping to do a project on my patio soon which involves planting it in between paving stones. I'll post it when I find it.

Lavender
Not only does lavender produce lovely blooms, it smells amazing in the garden all year 'round. I have this planted on my back patio and in my front flowerbed. I love how its gentle fragrance just wafts through the air as I'm watering it. It's surprisingly hardy as well. The back porch version gets full sun in the morning and shade in the afternoon and it is just thriving.

The best thing about these plants is that they are also great companion plants for the veggies you're wanting to grow in the garden. These herbs all repel pests and seem fairly resistant to disease so you may find you success with these plants that you haven't previously enjoyed.

Another plus is that you don't need a big plant to start. Just buy a small plant from a nursery - or better yet scavenge from a friend's garden and get going! If you do go to a nursery, try a locally owned one like Baker's, The Style Nursery or Whitfill. They will know more about Arizona gardening than big box store employees and you'll feel good that you've supported your local economy.
Ok - Get out in that garden!!

A Novel Approach to Life

2011-05-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

The morning sun cast its first rays across the floor as she crept down the hall. A tingle pricked her forearms and slithered up her shoulders to her neck, turning into a full blown shudder as she gripped her weapon more tightly and placed her finger square on the trigger. As she reached the end of the hall, she paused, fearful of what she might find if she continued. But, she had no choice. This was the only way out. Taking a slow, silent breath, she gathered her courage and, weapon firmly clasped in her hands, rounded the corner. Just as she feared, he was there, waiting for her.

And, although she abhorred violence, she did not hesitate. She pulled the trigger, not once, not twice but over and over, shouting, "DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!" as she shot him - as though it would somehow make the end come more quickly. Confused by his sudden fall from power, he crawled toward her, thinking escape was possible. He was gone within seconds while she was left, panting and shaken, horrified by the thought that this wasn't the first time she'd lived this nightmare and that it wasn't likely to be the last.

This, my friends, is not, as you might imagine, a fiction. It is, in fact, a true story.

The heroine is - of course - me.

The target, is - a

COCKROACH!

Yes. That's right. I've interrupted our regularly scheduled Monday programming to bring you the saga of my personal battle against a cockroach (and his d*** friends) - and how that battle against these creatures of the night has changed my life and caused me to face some personal demons as well.

It all started a few months ago, when I was working downstairs late in the evening - and discovered the biggest FR**king roach I've ever seen in my life. I stood, frozen and horrified as I watched it run at lightening speed around my freshly cleaned kitchen and spread it's nastiness everywhere.

"What do I do? What do I do?!" I thought as I stood there, unable to move. The thing had too many places to go for me to hit it successfully, not to mention that it was too darned fast! I did the only respectable thing a smart woman can do. I called my husband (who was soundly sleeping) - and let him play the hero. And, after he stumbled out of bed and miraculously managed to hit the thing with the first swat, even he was freaked out by it's size!

Now, in Arizona, we are lucky not to have many natural disasters. Nope. Instead we have flying roaches. My fear of these creepers dates back to childhood - and the encounters I had with them that emotionally scarred me. Now, I am not going to describe those events because I fear that even you might be unable to sleep tonight if you were to recall them before bed. You can see from this previous post how cool I am about handling them.

Suffice it to say that when I discovered this sewer roach who'd visited my house via a drain pipe had encouraged his friends to visit, horror does not begin to describe my response.

I embarked on a mission to make my house so perfectly clean that not a crumb, a drop of water or a smear of jelly remained anywhere as a repast for unwelcome guests. No toy could be left on the floor, no towel left damp, no wet clothing unwashed. EVERYTHING had a place and EVERYONE had to honor it - FROM NOW ON - NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!

If you're wondering why it seems like I am yelling, it's just so you get an idea of how lovely it was to live with me for the first month I spent shoring up every mess in my house and informing everyone when they failed to live up to my new standard of clean. I was a woman obsessed, terrorized by the possible and likely presence of these horrid creatures of the night who'd never visited before in the 10 years I'd lived here, though we'd never sprayed for bugs.

Now, you know, I am an organic mama and I didn't want to expose my kids to any nasty chemicals like bug foggers. So, I chose the natural route, diatomaceous earth and a clean house. Every day, I spent scouring the house like a possessed person, thinking if I just got it clean enough, they would more on because there was not food and no place to hide. I was embarrassed because I thought these creatures only visited dirty houses and so stressed I was jumpy for weeks and imagined them everywhere I looked. Talk about crazy!

Of course, after quite a bit of research on the subject, I discovered that sewer roaches can actually come up the drains (in any house!) or creep in through cracks in doors and other little spots. So, we covered our drains, filled in any holes, spread diatomaceous earth and learned how to kill them with a spray bottle of super-soapy water (no raid required!). That last is way easier than trying to catch them with a giant shoe because you can hit them before they even know you've detected their presence.

But more importantly than learning about how to eliminate a roach invasion in my house, I learned some important things about myself.

First, I re-discovered my inborn desire to keep my house just as clean as I want it to be (even with preschoolers) - something I inherited from my mother and my grandma. Before kids, I was a little bit nuts about things being orderly and living in a structured schedule. Around the time I had kids, a lot of other things were going on in my life with family and I felt completely overwhelmed by the influx of stuff that the birth of our children introduced into our townhouse. While I kept the house clean, it has never quite met my standard of organized.

Since the "guests" visited, I found new determination to get back to a house I feel good about inviting actual friends to visit. While I definitely went overboard at first in my crazy, exhausted state - snarling at everyone to follow the new rules, I am learning to follow a regular routine that allows me to maintain order and still have time with my kids. I haven't reached any kind of perfection but at least I'm heading toward a goal. It helps that my youngest is old enough to play with her big sister safely now and follow instructions fairly well.

The second lesson I learned through this is that being stressed about getting everything right isn't going to make this or any other challenge easier. One of life's more important lessons is how to move gracefully from one challenge to the next. Somehow, in the last few years, as I experienced significant loss in the death of my brother, mom and dad, I lost my ability to do this.

There was so much loss in such a short time that I was so helpless to affect, I became afraid of change. It definitely seemed like the changes weren't great ones. Anxiety and fear sort of shoved their way into my heart and I didn't feel I had the strength to fight them at first. I tried to cope with them by micro-managing the little things that I could control. I think part of me believed that if I could just get everything else just right in my life, I would be able to deal with the painful parts more efficiently. But this attitude only stressed me out and made my family miserable.

Who knew a simple cockroach could teach me such a valuable lesson about meeting change differently? Experiences - from love and joy to pain and loss - are supposed to be messy, unmanageable and change the way we see life. Freeing myself from the idea that I have control over anything other than my attitude has given me freedom and flexibility to enjoy life again in a way I'd forgotten was possible.

Worrying about what might happen only causes me to miss out on the good stuff right in front of me. To help me remember, I wrote a note to myself on my kitchen cabinet that says, "You have an amazing life! Enjoy it now!!" I look at it when I doubt it - which usually happens about three in the afternoon when I'm tired, need to get dinner started and my two year old is pitching a fit.

Thanks Cockroach. - R.I.P. - I owe a big debt of gratitude to you.

Don't worry. If your friends visit, I'll send them your way.

Caught in Another Car Parade - More Cool Stuff to Do in Phoenix

2011-05-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of activities for our family. It seems like every year, we have all these plans to get to some of the great local events that are happening in Phoenix during the beautiful spring weather. But, we have so many family birthday parties and kids parties and events that we are booked up almost every weekend.

Last week, we did attend a local event as a family on accident. On our way home from the Macayo's on Central where we'd attended the third party of the weekend, this one a family member's, my daughters noticed classic cars passing us on the road. My 2 year old kept shouting, "Look, Mom!!! Old fashioned cars!!!" We realized there was a classic car event going on as car after car cruised past us.

Dad would have loved this one!

I know it's not very organic of this mama to love old fashioned, gas-guzzling cars, but it's in my blood. My car-loving dad was born in 1929 and he could recite a list of every car he'd ever driven - along with all the options like the white walled tires, interior and exterior colors, leather/cloth, engine type and horsepower. He knew when car models changed style and what had been changed. He and his brother memorized these kinds of things as a game when they were kids and he never lost his love for it. So, my girls are used to me shouting out - "Woohoo!! Look at that car!" when we see something older than 40 years go by us.

It's no surprise then that when we saw all these beauts passing by us, we turned the car around and followed them. It reminded me of the time I got caught in another kind of motor procession - though this one was not for a serious occasion. As we traveled, we got caught up in the excitement of the moment and exclaimed at all the colors and models we liked best as well as the thousands of people lining central. People cheered and aahhhed as the cars went past. In fact, we got so caught up, we failed to realize we were one of the few modern cars on the road. Haha!! The car aficionados got a real treat as we cruised next to a James Bond car in our 2000 Toyota Camry with two little girls practicing their princess wave out the windows!

Just one more cool thing available in Phoenix if you're looking for an activity. When I googled to find the event, I found quite a few classic car shows going on in the next few months. So, if you missed it, just look around, you'll find another.

I think this black and red one is just my style!

I know my dad would have had fun with us this weekend. Who knows, maybe he was calling out the car models with us as we drove!

Multi-family Housing & Creating Community

2011-05-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

A while back, Taz Loomans at Blooming Rock Blog wrote a post about multi-family housing and how while it's taking off in some parts of the country, it's not viewed so highly here in Phoenix - yet. I've been thinking about it ever since. Robert and I have lived in a small multifamily housing community for about 10 years. While there are certainly pros and cons and I sometimes still want a single family house (mainly because I need the garden space), overall, we've loved it.

These are some of the benefits of a multi-family community.

1. It's cost effective. Our mortgage is within our budget and we share the cost of major repairs with our neighbors. We save money by buying less "stuff" because a smaller space requires efficient organization. And, in a compact space, we can afford high quality, green remodeling while staying within our budget.

2. Less work for us. We hire landscapers, plumbers, overall maintenance people - at a reasonable cost, also shared with neighbors. Perfect for artists like us - who work all week and perform on nights and weekends. There's not much of time left for yard work.

3. Less to clean. A larger house doesn't even appeal to me anymore - for this reason.

4. We can live in the heart of the city. Because we chose a townhouse, we can live in a neighborhood (that would otherwise be out of our budget) near everything we love - like hiking, work, church, urban culture, Grandma & Grandpa *smile*.

5. Affordability allows us to pursue our gifts and passions as careers. Living simply in a multi-family house means we can do what we love - for a living. We have fun all week, not just on the weekend. Don't get me wrong...we work our booties off and we live more simply...but it's worth it.

6. More fresh air. Small space - small children? Sanity requires me to get off my duff and get out of the house frequently - to visit local businesses, the library, the park, our garden at Grandma's house...

7. Community. We know our neighbors. And, they're amazing. From teachers to engineers, business professionals to a hard core biker-hairdresser, they are an eclectic mix - quirky, kind and always interesting!

This last point is the most important to me.

The people in our community are great people. Financial decisions regarding the functionality, appearance and value of our property are not the only things that tie us together. We know each other and are invested in each other's lives. It's typical for me to go out front to pick rosemary for dinner and find myself in a conversation with two or three neighbors. We look out for each other. If a neighbor goes to the hospital, people in our community often visit - depending on whether or not the person has family. Rides to the doctor, babysitting and cards to those who have suffered a loss (even a dog!) are the norm here.

Those of you who are into gaming will appreciate the roles played by members of our community. We are a little town unto ourselves. We have the grumpy old man, the healer, the gatekeeper (nobody gets by him!), the resident drunk (position currently open), and the crazy lady who hollars at her kids across the yard (that would be me, oops). There is something refreshing and powerful about discovering it's possible for such different people to live together peacefully.

These past ten years, we've learned important lessons about acceptance (read: love, not tolerance) and community that we might not have learned if we'd been able to drive straight into a garage every night. Our home choice has forced us to recognize our connection to each other and to be more careful of the relationships we need to build and maintain with the people who share our larger space. And our lessons give us a picture of how we should be living in our larger community in Phoenix, in Arizona, the USA, the rest of the world. Our individual choices, financial and social, don't just change our lives, they change the world for those around us too.

My relationships with my neighbors change me in unexpected ways. They have opened my eyes to seeing the world in ways I might have otherwise missed. And, while our financial fates initially tied us together, we have found true friendships here. As I write this, I'm filled with gratefulness for these neighbors who have become my friends. They have shown us love and kindness, compassion and wisdom in the times we've most needed it. If we ever do move, we'll stay in the heart of the city where we can keep learning and keep building these relationships that make us better people. It's something Robert and I believe in and it is what we want our children to learn about our city and the world.

We're doing more than just sharing space. We're creating community.

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-05-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, friends. It's Monday. Don't shoot the messenger. Hopefully these will help you wake in time to drive home from work.

Considering my complete OBSESSION with grapefruit, it's no wonder I'd be interested in these. They look delicious and also gluten free for those of you who need such recipes. http://www.beyondtheplate.net/recipes/sweets/zest-bakery-gluten-free-grapefruit-bars/

Looking at beautiful art is a great way to perk up your mind on a Monday. Some friends and I had the pleasure of meeting this local artist over the weekend. He has a wonderful presence and his spirit shines through his work. Hugo Medina

As much as I've made fun of Gibson's new talking beaver puppet movie (because let's be honest, there's so much to laugh at in that description -- where does one start?), these comments by his co-star are rather incredible. We should each have a friend like this! A true friend.

If my first post reminded you that you forgot to eat breakfast and you're looking for something a little healthier, check out this delicious, fresh option! If you can't make it, you can always just coast over to Barrio and let them make it for you. Fresh Guacamole - Silvana Style

Can't get her voice out of my head. Incredible!

Mother's Day: Celebrating the Imperfect Mom

2011-05-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

This year, like every year, I think a lot about motherhood with regard to my mom and the kind of mom I want to be. So many of my ideas of motherhood and being a woman come from the woman who gave birth to me and spent her life loving me and doing her best to raise me according to her conscience.

But, let me tell you, my mom was so not the perfect mother. As I was growing up, she was often bossy and temperamental. It was her way or the highway and frequently she was unable to see life from the other person's point of view. She also tended to call me at the most ridiculous hours of the morning - before my alarm clock rang. Grrrrr...!! Talk about annoying! Then, there were the times she really let me down when I thought I needed her most.

In short, my mom was not perfect! 'Cause, you know, no mother is. There is no "Complete Guide to Perfect Mothering" that we can follow. Not only do I make many of the same mistakes my mom made, I have a whole set of my own that I'm sure my girls will call up someday when they're sitting in their therapist's office, wondering at the miracle that they made it through childhood with me as a mother. I definitely find myself losing my cool much too frequently - but it's hard not to when you find that your two year old has taken off her poopy diaper (AGAIN!) and is running around without one. Ugh. Sorry for the visual but it's just where I am right now.

On the flip side, my mom also spent her whole life learning how to love me and my sisters and really, everyone who crossed her path.

She became an expert on me and every one of my four sisters. And, like it or not, she was right a majority of the time. No wonder she felt she could give us unsolicited advice 24 hours a day! She constantly told my sisters and I that she loved us completely and that we could do anything we determined to do. She and my dad loved each other and stayed together for over thirty years. Mom was a true friend - the kind you can call in the middle of the night and know she'd answer and come.

To contribute to the household income, mom worked more than full time as a music teacher. Teaching wasn't just her job, it was her passion. She loved her students and as she did with us, strove to teach them character and commitment along with musicality. When she did anything, she threw herself into it completely. She believed that a life of service to others was a life well-lived.

Her life was definitely well lived. Mistakes and all, she was a person of good intentions and she exceeded the mark more often than not. Her life often gives me food for thought as I travel my own path through life. And, as an adult and a mom myself, I love and appreciate her more and more each day.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to tell my mom "Happy Mother's Day!" face to face this year because she died of cancer 5 years ago. While I believe we don't just end after death and that she can still see and hear me, there are really no words to describe the ache that her physical absence creates in my heart. I thought my mom would be around a lot longer, both to love me and to drive me crazy when she became an old lady.

But this post isn't something I'm writing so you'll feel sorry for me. Nope. So - don't. I had a full life of memories with my mom. But, I do wish that I had appreciated her more when she was still here. I wish I'd made more time for her. I wish I'd been more understanding about what she'd sacrificed for us and how she loved us. She was just like me - doing her best to love and care for her family and live a meaningful life of service.

This weekend I hope, if you haven't already, you'll see your mom with new eyes. Because while some have mothers who don't deserve respect or honor, most moms are just human and need our love and friendship. This weekend, put yourself in your mom's shoes. Don't just see her as your mom. See her as a woman, a young lover, a young mom trying to figure out how to balance life and parenthood. See her in her career and as a friend.

Start to realize your mom is pretty stinkin' awesome. Then, remind yourself that with everything else she does, she's your mom. Love her for it and learn to be her friend. Don't just celebrate her on Sunday but cherish every moment you have with her. Realizing she won't always be there might just give you a new ability to love her just as she is.

By the way, I won't be alone this weekend. Along with my sweet little girls and handsome love, I'll be celebrating the good friend and amazing grandparent I am blessed to have in my mother-in-law. There will be a lot of laughter and fun as all the kids race around screaming joyfully. And somewhere in the chaos, I'll find a quiet moment to whisper a Happy Mother's Day to someone who I know is still listening.

Today I linked with A Wise Woman Builds her House

Hey Sexy, Leave the Gloves ON...

2011-05-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

So, you thought this was going to be a post about sex, huh? You should know me well enough by now to know I don't kiss and tell! But, don't be too disappointed yet. The habits I'm suggesting might just help you in that department - if in a roundabout way. Haha!!

This IS kind of a dirty post about something I think everyone should be doing - outdoors. And it's actually about sticking your hands - in the dirt - and trying to pull forth food or beauty. I have a few reasons for feeling this way. Here they are.

Gardening will relax you and bring life into perspective.
If there's one thing I've learned from parenting preschoolers, it's that they behave best when they spend lots of time out of doors daily. Not only does this get them away from the TV and produce a happier playing experience, they eat whatever I serve without complaint ('cause, as my oldest claims, they're "starving") and they sleep restfully.

Guess what? This goes for adults too! There is something magical about sticking bare toes in the dirt and taking deep breaths of that fresh outdoor scent as you gently tuck dirt around a new plant or pull weeds so another can grow. Suddenly, whatever is stressing you out won't seem so bad. When you come inside, you'll feel relaxed, re-focused and tired in the best way. If you have such a brown thumb that you kill everything you touch, just get a shovel and dig in the dirt like a kid. If you listen hard, you just might hear a plant calling your name and promising to grow for you.

Gardening can save you money and reduce garbage waste if you do it right. Veggie scraps from kitchen cuttings, dead leaves and branches, egg shells and banana peels make free compost/natural fertilizer and minimize garbage waste. All that yucky decaying matter turns into rich, fertile soil capable of creating the best veggies you've ever tasted. When you find success at gardening - even if it's just one crop - you can save the money you would have spent on buying that product in the store. And, you can produce it organically! My grandmother and other moms I know will affirm they wouldn't have been able to feed their families nearly so healthily without gardening.

Gardening will allow you to eat organically on a budget and help your kids to like strong food. Growing your own food will allow you to avoid all those nasty chemicals on conventionally grown foods without breaking the bank. And, I can guarantee your kid will be a lot more interested in eating her vegetables if she grew them herself!

Gardening will help YOU love real food! Instead of produce that wasn't picked ripe, was transported in cold (almost frozen) storage and therefore lacks the flavor it's supposed to have, you'll eat the tastiest version of whatever you grow!. No wonder it's so hard to love veggies when we're eating tomatoes that taste flat and flavorless or strawberries that don't smell sweet or strawberry-ish! Eating fresh stuff from your own garden will turn you into a true foodie.

Gardening will bring your family together over the dinner table. Although you can make a very quick meal from the garden, it's one that will require a little chopping and thought. Enjoy a refreshing drink and conversation with your lover or kids while you're chopping away! You'll be surprised at the conversations you've been missing.

Gardening can help you get into shape. Fresh air, aerobic exercise and real food is a recipe for a strong body! Unhealthy processed foods lose their appeal once you've tasted real food flavored with fresh herbs.

And the point we've all been waiting for...Gardening just might get you some. Ever heard the phrase, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach?" That goes both ways, baby! Who doesn't think a strong and relaxed urban farmer with a slightly sweaty, rosy glow is sexy? What man doesn't think the aroma of good food is the best perfume? Duh.

To your newly fresh, confident demeanor, add the sensually delicious aroma of a fresh tomato and basil salad straight from the garden and you may find you've found an irresistible aphrodisiac!

Here's to love and gardening!

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-05-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

A great combination of beauty and laughter for today.

Wouldn't this be an incredible site to see on the road? Beautiful

A funny Canadian girl's take on the British Royalty. So, like, do we have a queen?

Ok, ya'all...I'm no hater. I love me some Paula Deen. But this is - well, Wow. Be sure you turn it up enough to hear the music.

Gorgeous images by Frank Serafini. Be sure to check out his portfolio and blog which are links on this page. He captures life in a beautiful way.

My daughter loves this song. I can't think of a better song for her, and for you, to hear today. Believe it!!

For Those of You Who Feel Alone...This One's For You

2011-04-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I started this blog is because of all the random women I meet on a regular basis who confess they feel alone and overwhelmed as they face the challenges of motherhood. This has often been my own story as well. Of course, there are thousands of blogs about mothering. Still, I know there is a place for the Organic Mama Cafe in the blogosphere. It's a place for us to share honest accounts of mothering in a safe space – read: without criticism - and discover others really do feel the same. And while this post is directed primarily at moms, who have their own special kind of guilt, it applies to all of us lucky enough to be breathing at this moment.

It’s not that we don’t adore our kids and love our families. We do. This is not a rant about how terribly hard motherhood is. But, it does bring major change to a woman’s life! Where before children we spent our time earning degrees or managing jobs where we met deadlines and finished projects with definable results, we now spend our time doing the same chores every day (laundry, dishes, wiping bums, wiping snot – there’s a lot of wiping!) with only momentarily discernible progress. Those noses inevitably start running again and those bums just won't stop! No matter how much we love our families, the feeling that life will go on like this forever - exhausting, monotonous and unfinished – can be downright depressing if we let it.

So many times as women, we put on a good show. We get dressed for whatever occasion we’re attending, fix our hair, put on our makeup – and our game face. We hustle our kids out the door - stressed and sometimes angry - because we don't want to be “the mom who’s always late”. We don’t want to admit that maintaining a clean home, raising our kids, being available to our husbands and friends and volunteering at church or in the community while remaining relatively sane is anything but a walk in the park. After all, that mom across the parking lot at school, or church or wherever, seems to be so much more organized and her kids never act up!!

The isolated nature of mothering in our culture has really been on my heart lately. Because of our fast-paced, technology filled, busy schedules, many of us feel alone in our journey. We don't always have support systems like extended family or social groups like churches. And, the truth is, we all have days when we feel discouraged, when our kids throw tantrums and when we just want Calgon to take us away (or some organic, natural version of it - Haha!). For some reason, maybe it's my upbringing, those days often leave me feeling guilty, as though I am failing in my current career choice of homemaking and child-raising. Friends who work outside the home feel the same guilt for leaving every day. And, we've all made or heard others make less-than-complimentary remarks about moms who are doing the opposite of what we've chosen.

Embarrassed by our supposed ineptitude, we often try to hide it or just maintain an unhealthy isolation until our houses, our kids, our lives are "together" enough to allow someone else into the inner sanctum. But, my friends, appearances are deceiving. There is no perfect mom who has it all together. In my experience, those who seem to be "that mom" have their own set of challenges and perceived failures.

The truth is, our fear of failing and being judged as women keeps us from the relationships that might allow us to be stronger, better at our career of choice and more content with who we are as women. In order to be the best versions of ourselves, we need each other. If we wait till we have all that stuff together, we'll never, ever invite anyone in!

What would happen if instead of judging ourselves and each other, we just accepted life as it is and put on a smile anyway, called that friend anyway and gave our tantrum-crazed kid a hug instead of a growl? What kind of incredible, empowered, joyful lives would we find ourselves enjoying?

I believe that this is the kind of life we are supposed to be living.

So, I'm going to keep writing - to let you know you are not alone and, most of all, to remind you of the life you are capable of living!

Thank you for sharing your lives with me. Please keep the emails and comments coming - so other moms can see they are in good company.

Blessings,
OM

Barrio Cafe Review

2011-04-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend, Robert and I were thrilled to have a babysitter on a Saturday night, a rare ocurrence since he works on Sundays. Once I'd styled my hair (no ponytail!), put on makeup and found a shirt that didn't have toddler fingerprints on it, we made our escape. We drove away laughing at the game my sister had our girls enthralled in - a practice Easter egg hunt with pinecones. Then, it occurred to us that we had no idea where we wanted to eat. So, we Yelped and came up with the Barrio Cafe. What an incredible choice that turned out to be!

We arrived at Barrio and had to circle the block twice before we could find a parking spot - and we chose the street just to the north so that we could walk a bit. The restaurant is located in a strip of stores along 16th street just south of Thomas. When we arrived around 6:45 pm to put our names in for a table for two, the manager told us the wait would be around an hour. It was a beautiful evening so we parked ourselves on the patio and enjoyed the cool breeze. With us were a lot of other people who were clearly enthused about the coming dinner and unperturbed by the wait - or the view of the laundrymat across the street. After all, it is the "Barrio" Cafe.

In just over an hour, we found ourselves sitting at a table with a great view of guitarist and vocalist Gustavo Angeles and awaiting the creations of Barrio's James Beard nominated chef, Silvana Salcido Esparza. As we sat there with our stomachs growling at the delicious fragrances wafting from the kitchen, we checked out our surroundings. The restaurant is small in a cozy sort of way and decorated like a neighborhood place - with Virgin Mary candles on the tables and awards framed on the wall.

There were so many delicious looking options on the menu, we had a hard time deciding what we wanted to eat. Robert chose the Torta de Pollo Jaiba, chicken breast seasoned with spiced hollandaise style sauce and topped with crab, avocado and Oaxacan cheese. Since it was a torta, it was on a soft artisan roll and came with steak fries and chipotle ketchup. Doesn't it look good? His grin after the first bite confirmed that he was happy with his choice.

Um, we'd already devoured a lot of the steak fries before the pic!

I, on the other hand, wanted a real taco. So I went with Tacos de Cochinitapibil, slow roasted pork tacos after the Mayan tradition flavored with sour orange and served with salsa and queso fresco. As our waiter put it in front of me, I knew I'd picked the winner of the evening. The scent that reached my nose was the one that had been tempting me all evening. I squeezed a bit of the floral-fragranced lime on my taco, took a bite and found myself in Mexico.

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

Ok. That's an exaggeration. I didn't actually go to Mexico but I might have brushed the border.

Listen. I have had a lot of Mexican food in my life. Not only did I grow up in a Mexican church where I enjoyed the cooking skills of the amazing mamas there (and ate beans with every breakfast!), I have been on quite a few trips to Mexico and enjoyed the best of the taco stands there. My mama made homemade tamales every year at Christmas when we were growing up.

But this taco, my friends, is nothing like anything I've ever tasted before now. The pork, cooked to a melting tenderness, was perfectly seasoned. The white corn tortillas tasted like they'd just been made. Unlike typical Mexican food joints that smother their dishes in cheese to disguise the lack of flavor, the addition of queso fresco to this dish simply provided a creamy contrast to the sour orange, spices and salsa. And, there was just enough heat. In short, it is one of the best meals I've eaten out in a long, long time.

Sadly, I had promised to give two of my tacos to Robert in exchange for part of his sandwich. And, I'm a woman of my word so I did - hoping he'd say he preferred his food. Just my luck, he fell in love with the taco too. I ate some of his sandwich but saved the rest for him. It was very good and in truth, if I hadn't already tasted the taco, I probably would have loved it. But, the flavors weren't as distinct as those of the tacos and it was a bit too creamy for my taste buds that night.

When we finished, our waiter did his best to entice us with dessert options but we were truly so full, we simply had no room for it. And, since we'd promised my sister we'd be home at a decent hour, we headed to the exit. I just had to take a picture of the bar there. Apparently they have over 100 tequilas. I believe it, don't you?

As we were leaving, Barrio's manager, Richard asked us where we'd be dining this coming Thursday, April 28, 2011. Apparently that day, Barrio is participating in Dining Out for Life, a fundraiser supported by local restaurants that raises money for the Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS, Arizona's largest non-profit AIDS service organization. They are donating 100% of their proceeds from lunch that day, served from 11a-5pm. So, if you want to get a taste of Barrio's incredible food and support a local non-profit, here's your chance.

While there are some pricey items on the menu, there are plenty of wallet friendly options. So, head on down and support this local restaurant. It's worth the wait and it definitely beats Applebees. Does anyone really still eat there with options like these?

Barrio Cafe
2814 N 16th Street

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-04-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I don't know about you but I'm a little groggy from all the feasting yesterday. I definitely needed help waking up this morning. Here's what I found...

On the way home from Grandma's house last night, even my four year old said she was done with all the sugar of yesterday. Haha! So, we agreed to start out today with some strong stuff to counteract the weekend's craziness.We decided a green smoothie and some Ezekiel sprouted toast would be just the thing And it hit the spot. If you haven't tried green smoothies yet - this blogger offers 12 different recipes to tempt your taste buds! Green Diva Mom

If you're already planning lunch, here's a delicious, green and quick option! 101 Cookbooks

Interesting possibility for the empty lots littering the city of Phoenix. "Pop-up Hood"

If you like creating - these kits are for you! Created by the fabulously artsy women of Gauche Alchemy

And finally...

When I was in my early twenties, I had a chance to win a car at a rock concert through a local radio station contest. I didn't win the car but I did get to go to my very first (seriously, my first!) rock concert. The Beastie Boys and show openers, Rancid. Hahaha!!!

If you haven't already figured out how sheltered my childhood was... The concert was a wild first experience - as the rockers didn't sing so much as scream their songs. The stadium was filled with thousands of the kind of people my parents had sheltered me from - pierced, tatooed, mohawked and stoned. Near the stage, people were slam dancing and crowd surfing and for some inexplicable reason, concert goers kept lighting toilet paper and fiery little puffs were floating all over the room.

Then, I noticed that everyone around us was smoking and the giant cloud that formed above us had a weird smell to it. I turned to my friend, Torry, who'd come to the concert with me and said, "Wow! Those are some really stinky cigarettes!" He looked at me in disbelief and started laughing. Hey, what can I say? I was an innocent. It was my first and only taste of cannabis - by diffusion.

So, today's "music" is a little tribute to those wild boys who made my first show a memorable one.

It's THAT Time of the Month. Oh, Yes. That's exactly What I Mean!

2011-04-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hasn't the full moon been just gorgeous this week? I feel a close affinity to that glowing nocturnal bulb. As she gracefully moves through different phases each month, I recognize a pattern in my own body and spirit. Every month, not just once or twice a year, she retreats into darkness before returning to the her fullest brilliance. As a woman, I need a similar reprieve every month to access the most brilliant parts of myself, spiritually, physically and mentally.

Wouldn't you love a monthly pause to recharge and renew your spirit, get a few extra hours of sleep and refocus your mind? Guess what? Your body's already got one scheduled if you'll just check the calendar! If you're past childbearing years, you simply need to create one for yourself.

In my family, strong women didn't need to seek solitude several days each month during a monthly cycle. I'm remedying that misunderstanding of strength by talking to my own daughters about our need as women for regular rest and I use the moon as a visual. When the moon is dark, my daughters believe that she is taking a nap, in preparation for the time she needs to shine her brightest. When she is full they know she has shown up for work. I love how they exclaim in delight at the way she shimmers in the sky. My four-year-old already knows that a monthly menstruation is more of a time of magic and healing that something to dread.

But, the moon is more than just a visual example of monthly rest for us as women. Before the invention of artificial light, women ovulated and bled according to the moon's phases each month. That's a lot of women having their periods at the same time. Whoooo-eeee!!

According to the history of some cultures, women came together in community during the full moon to enjoy friendship and reprieve from the duties of daily life. Seems like a good way to handle massive communal hormone fluctuation right? In short, it allowed them a break to contemplate, commune and return to their families and normal duties strengthened and refreshed. As a reminder of this history, we call menstruation a "moon-cycle" in our house.

I'm not suggesting you ignore the family and crash on the couch eating those illusive bonbons we stay-at-home moms are supposed to be munching all day. (Where do I sign up for that?) Obviously, we all have things we have to do regardless of when that mooncycle hits. I simply schedule less and shorten my to-do list to the absolute essentials like feeding the kids and basic cleanup. I stay closer to home, drink plenty of water or Raspberry Leaf tea, go to bed earlier and get some rest. If possible, I do something just for me - like a facial or foot soaks.

As a result of taking this time for myself, I'm gaining little bits of wisdom about my life and how to live it best. That endless "to-do" list stops playing itself over and over in my mind and I am able to listen to the quiet voice of wisdom. This month, I heard it in the form of two personal revelations that will influence my every day life in very practical ways. Just as importantly, I am rested and ready to tackle the world after a few days at a slower pace. Instead of dragging myself around feeling exhausted, I've begun to look forward to this time of the month as a kind of magical time of rest and spiritual reconnection.

We girls are generally terrible at slowing down to rest. We love to detail the long list of activities we've accomplished every day. If you don't believe me, just check Facebook to see which of your friends wrote theirs down today. We excel at accomplishment and it's something to celebrate. And along with that list of things we accomplish, we nurture, love and hold up those we love in that mysterious way that only women possess. That second kind of women's work requires that we take time to refresh our spirits.

Luckily, our bodies send us a calendar appointment each month for that very purpose.

Are you ready to take a lesson from the moon this month and make a monthly appointment for a magical time of rest and spiritual insight? It's on your calendar anyway.

I love hearing from you - so leave a comment below
or send emails to organicmamacafe [at] gmail [dot] com

Greedy Capitalism? - A Little Econ Discussion in the OM Cafe

2011-04-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Capitalism has taken a bad rap lately. The idea that competitive conditions will create the best product in the end has suffered a bit of a blow because of what I call "mutual-market-player greed". Let's be honest. Greed isn't a character trait solely exhibited by the "big bad corporations". Corporations aren't some giant brain that makes decisions like a big "Borg". People who work for corporations must make individual choices daily about whether they'll use integrity in their approach to business. And these employees respond to customers who choose either to buy or not to buy their products.

A perfect example of supply and demand capitalism is the real estate market fiasco of recent years. While there was definitely some red tape involved that might have fooled less educated consumers, nearly everyone in the loan process was complicit in the resulting disaster. The employees of those loan companies, Wall Street and the consumers involved exercised greed resulting in a huge bubble and then the monstrous POP!

What if consumers had just exercised restraint? The same greed that drove corporate employees to offer bad products to consumers might have driven them to offer good product had consumers demanded it.

The best guide of good capitalism is the dictate of a wise consumer conscience.

Far more powerfully than government regulation, consumers have the ability to send a mass message about purchasing values by refusing to financially support companies who fail to deliver according to demand. This is where the breakdown occurs between idealism and reality. When Rob and I shopped for a house loan, banks offered us significantly more than we could realistically afford monthly. We could have chosen to buy a product we couldn't really afford. Instead, we used two magic words some of us have forgotten along the line.

"No, thanks."

As consumers, we often fail to send that message simply because we don't want to change our habits. We won't stop shopping that big box store even if they use questionable labor practices. We don't say no because we'd rather have more "stuff" even if it's cheap and will just end up in a landfill at the end of the summer. We don't really want to know what's in that sunblock we're smearing all over our kids. We confuse needs with wants. Sometimes, we think we just cannot afford to shop elsewhere.

That little voice in our head that justifies our decision to keep buying without regard for consequences by saying, "It doesn't really matter. One person's not buying it doesn't make a difference."

But is that true?

I don't believe it is.

Demand can change or destroy a business model. Take for instance the failure of American car manufacturers to move toward the cost-effective, gas-conserving manufacturing standards of companies like Toyota. Americans who cared about their pocketbooks stopped spending money on gigantic cars still manufactured to guzzle gas like water even as the price of oil soared. U.S. car makers' sluggish response to market demand would have caused failure if they'd not been saved by a government bailout.

So why is this a subject I'm even discussing at the OM Cafe?

Supply and demand applies to every part of our world, including the food we eat and the products we slather all over our bodies. I am passionate about leaving to my children a world where plants aren't all genetically modified and animal products aren't altered by hormones. For years, my family and I have spent the extra tine and money to seek out local producers and buy organic food. For a long time, friends and family members thought we were crazy hippies for doing it. That's never really bothered me.

The funny thing is that after all these years, many of those friends are starting to realize that what they put into and on their bodies really does make a difference in their overall health. They are now choosing to purchase organically and/or locally grown or raised food. And, those foods are far more available than they were ten years ago when Rob and I first made the switch. The market is slowly changing in response to demand as consumers are becoming more educated.

Recognizing their bottom lines will suffer till business practices truly change is a powerful motivator for most companies. Money talks when you choose whether or not to spend it.

We need to recognize our power to make the change for safer food practices in the U.S. widespread. But the price to pay for changing the way we do food business in the good ole U.S.A. is a sacrifice of time and the death of old habits.

We as consumers need to take a little time to think about our food and what's in it. It's not hard. Here's how I choose mine. How close is it to it's original form? Fresh fruits and veggies - grown without pesticides? Check. Organic milk unsullied by growth hormones? Check. Meat raised and finished on grass. Check. The easiest way to confirm that this is really the way my food was produced and raised? Knowing my supplier personally.

Is it possible? Of course!

But isn't it hard? Not really. The options for buying either organic or local are far more available now than they ever were. And, every person who chooses to make that change will send yet another message to companies who supply food to the U.S. market. The same companies that provide junk to us offer different options in other parts of the world because those markets demand it. We need to create the same demand here.

Are you willing to help drive that change?

Can we afford not to?

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-04-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Good morning everyone! I'm in a pensive mood this morning - as I always am the week of the full moon. I'd love nothing more than to crawl back into bed and relax with a book and a cup of tea. But, the week calls and my morning started with the beautiful voices of children - clamoring for breakfast. Haha! No better way to get started in the morning!

I've been wanting a new camera for a while but this tutorial on editing point and shoot pictures might convince me that I don't really need the SLR I've been coveting. Take note - those of you who edit product pictures. This is for you! Made in Lowell

Lately, I've had beets on the brain because it's my first year growing them and they apparently love me! I found one way to use them. Cannelle Vanille

These are growing in my garden and their bright cheery faces make me smile - Calendula.

Here's what I'm in the mood for this morning... She is so creative and this highlights her incredible voice and harmonies.

Happy Monday everyone!

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-04-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

This morning, let's jump right into the day. Here are some fun/funny and beautiful things to lighten your day!

This is so amazing, I thought it might be fake. But my husband, who is a bit of a specialist in this area (ahem!), assures me that it is indeed real. "playas"

I think Busca from Birth Faith originally posted this and I had to share it. If I actually had the mental capacity to sit down and do this - oh, and the time - it would be the top of my list. Adorable. The cutest fort ever!

As I was working on this, my husband was taking a rare moment to sit on the couch and relax. Soon he was laughing hysterically and I had to ask why. Maybe it's because I'm loopy from exhaustion today but I had to make myself close this site or I would just keep clicking the next button!! Fail Blog

Of course, I would be remiss not to include something decadent to tempt your taste buds today. This looks so good I may be making it soon! A Whisk and a Spoon

This one is for those of us who are responsible for maintaining a clean home for our families. This came at the perfect time for me in recent weeks. While I tend toward my mother and her mother before her in terms of what I expect my house to look like, instead of feeling annoyed, frustrated, angry, tired etc., I am feeling content and determined. Hope it encourages you too! Thank you to The Happiest Mom

No matter what's going on in your life today, it's better to be here than not. Trust me. Look this day in the face and whatever difficulties it brings and stay with us. You're worth it.

Have a beautiful Monday, everyone.

MIM - Phoenix's Musical Instrument Museum

2011-04-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, friends invited us to the MIM. We have been wanting to visit for a while, so we were excited as we packed up our four and two-year-old girls and met our friends and their two-year-old. If you love music and you're looking for cool ways to while away the time as the weather heats up, this may be the perfect option for you.

But, what is MIM, you ask? It's a museum that showcases music and instruments from around the world. Not only does the beautiful building house an incredible collection of instruments from many different countries and eras, the museum offers workshops, lectures, films and concerts as well. They also host museum encounters in which artist-teachers perform and interact with guests for 30 minutes. The encounters cost nothing beyond the admission fee. A quick zoom around MIM's website reveals a lot of fun opportunities to learn about music - including free instructor lesson plans.

Since both dads in our parties are guitarists(aka - rock stars!), we started in the guitar room. I think my husband might be happy to live there! The guys talked tech about the different instruments - bridges and frets and resonance while we girls picked the guitars we thought were the prettiest. My four-year-old found a guitar made by Daisy, which is the same company that made her little electric heart guitar. So fun!

MIM presents information using the best of tactile and technical mediums. I loved that the instruments are displayed in a manner that allowed us to be only a few feet away from them. This made it so easy to really look at the instruments. The room we visited (besides guitars) presented the instruments and music of different countries. And, the MIM's headphones provide access to the sounds and styles of music from each country displayed on video screens near each exhibit. It was truly a dizzying array of instruments and an incredible amount of information.

Cool beaded instrument.

This history lover wanted to stand in front of each display and read every word and study every instrument in depth. Unfortunately for me, my two-year-old had other ideas!! She wanted to jump onto the displays and use them for a "stage" - which was easy since the barriers were more decorative than practical. You can imagine that I spent more time running after her than I did reading.

After about ten minutes of futilely attempting to corral two two-year-olds and enjoy reading the signs, we gave up and went to the MIM Experience Room.The Experience Room is filled with lots of instruments that the kids (big ones too!) can use to fulfill their fantasies of playing the instruments! Both of our girls and our friends' daughter had a blast running around playing all kinds of instruments from guitars to drums, percussion instruments to a gigantic gong (which you're only allowed to hit once!). They also had a blast dancing in some of the other areas of the museum where we could listen to different kinds of music.

Overall, the MIM gets a big thumbs up from me. For the admission price, the MIM is a great deal. The building is beautiful and the collection of instruments is truly incredible. I plan to go back without my two-year-old so I can indulge my desire to read every placard and listen to every recording and really soak in the experience. But, even with a small friend along, it was fun and my girls thought it was amazing. Best of all, mamas, it was air-conditioned and kids under five get in free!

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-04-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

Well, somehow another weekend has flown by and we're all facing Monday again. Does it seem like to anyone else that time goes faster and faster as more and more birthdays pass? Speaking of birthdays, if you missed mine, it was last week. Yep. You missed it. Bet you're feeling bad about now, right? Don't worry, you can make it up to me by taking me to one of my favorite local joints. Ok. I'll be waiting by the phone.

Right here.

Hmmm...is my phone on vibrate or something?

Seriously.

Any.time.now.

Heehee. Just kidding.

If you really did miss my birthday last week, here's the post I wrote to celebrate another year of life.

Ok - On to Monday's line up!

Locally raised Dan Smock - is a former schoolmate who is raising money for Red, White and Blue. RW&B is an organization that creates a support network and community for veterans (and their loved ones) returning from Active Duty or National Guard duty. This is a great cause and Dan's a great sport to raise money for it by doing something he hates - running! Not only that, he's running a half marathon. Since he's currently working as a civilian doing development work in Afghanistan, he has to run it on a little treadmill. And he's a tall guy. See? Bet you feel better about your Monday already, with your butt firmly planted in your chair, right? Go Dan!! http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/dsmock73/ghazni-half-marathon

If you are sick of putting chemicals on your face and would love to try your hand at making your own cosmetics, check out Crunchy Betty. She has oodles of great information and recipes and she's pretty darn fun to read too!

Just visited St Francis restaurant for the first time this weekend thanks to a friend and it was fun! Great ambiance in this formerly-architectural firm turned restaurant. It had a surprising amount of seating but it still seemed warm and intimate for a night out with a good friend or maybe a romantic date. Oh yeah. St. Francis offers fresh, flavorful American food, sourced by local businesses like Maya's Farm, Cartel Coffee and Black Mesa Ranch. If you like cocktails, theirs are made with fresh ingredients like cucumber, basil and strawberry and more and are delicious. So I hear...

Here is a glimpse into the work of a local artist with a love for living. She had a light spirit and is truly amazing at felting, something I tried my hand at and failed miserably. Ah well, we all have our gifts! Barbara at Choose the Happy Ending

This makes me happy!

That's it for today Monday friends. Hope you find some moments of laughter in this beautiful day!

Happy Birthday to - ME!

2011-03-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I've stayed up much, much later than I should have. But, I am reveling in the loveliness of celebrating another birth-day today (YES!!!) and I am not quite ready to move on yet, despite my husband encouraging me not to stay up all night. Oops! I'll probably pay for that tomorrow in exhaustion but... that's what coffee's for, right?

The truth is, I wasn't sure if today was going to be amazing because I went to bed last night away from my family, nursing a tired little monkey who was worn out from nearly a week of stomach flu (ugh!). But, when I woke, I decided to be thankful - that I have a little monkey girl to nurse and a family to miss! And somehow, this day became amazing despite it's uncertain beginning. It didn't happen without a lot of love and care from family and friends who went out of their way to make it special. THANK YOU!

I have spent a lot of time over this last month reflecting on the blessings of my life. These past few years have not been without challenges. But, somehow, as I look back, the blessings stand out to me in drastic relief against everything else. It is as though all those challenges have served to more brightly illuminate what an absolute treasure each moment of life can be if only I will let it.

Added together, those moments beam like bright stars through the darker moments of my life. I am so awed by their light and beauty, I cannot stop gazing at them. My heart and mind are blinded by their radiance! Thus - my late, LATE night.

As I wonder at their loveliness, this arrangement by Morten Lauridsen comes to mind. The poetry by James Agee perfectly describes my feelings in the line..."Kindness must watch for me this side the ground"

I love the University of Utah's rendition.

The rest of the words follow...

"Sure on this shining night
Of star made shadows round
Kindness must watch for me
This side the ground.
The late year lies down the north.
All is healed, all is health.
High summer holds the earth.
Hearts all whole.
Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring far alone
Of shadows on the stars."

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Are you enjoying the shimmering night of your life?

Blessings - Monna

A Few of My Favorite Things

2011-03-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

Is Monday here yet? After 3 days alone with a toddler suffering terribly from stomach flu while my husband cycled 175 miles for the National MS Society (what a stud!), I'm actually greeting Monday with a cheer. And, wondering if I can find a space in my brain for some fun links. But, I cannot let you down today, can I? Of course, I cannot. And, it will motivate me to get off my bootie and get moving!

For those of you who aren't musicians and didn't grow up obsessed with Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals, the title of my Monday's post is gathered from this. I'm not so much into strudel or wild geese but I have a few favorites of my own!

You should know by now that we are seriously into GOOD food in this house. And, since I'm still working on breaking the post-traumatic ice cream addiction, this seems like a good alternative. Completely delicious & HEALTHY (& don't forget - delicious) ice cream. Seriously. Try it.

I love supporting other moms. Here's a really creative one who makes it her business to create something beautiful to display your family memories. Gracie Deen

The sun is shining and it's beautiful outside here in the great Southwest. A great time to get that garden started. Check out this local garden. Sweet Life Garden

Again with the food (yes, chocolate is FOOD, duh!). But not only is this delicious, it is art. David Leibovitz visits Patrick Roger Chocolate. Seriously, I'd trade a few days worth of food for a box of these. Or half a box. Or even one. Maybe just a bite??

A Visit to Patrick Roger Chocolate in Paris from David Lebovitz on Vimeo.

Love Your Neighbor

2011-03-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems like there are so many sad things going on in the world, there's no way to make a difference. We are inundated with information and overwhelmed with places and people who need help. We're on budgets ourselves and don't even know where to start.

This is not one of those days. Today, in lieu of the post I've already written, I decided it's more pressing to post this story from a fellow blogger's page. A fellow sister and mother is in need of some help as she seeks to protect her daughter from her abusive father and husband. The court fees are exorbitant so A Mom in Red Heels is co-hosting a fundraiser with Shop Suey Boutique. You may either shop and part of the proceeds will be sent to help this mom or you can just donate using the paypal button.

I will tell you that this is definitely not a scam. I know this mom and am familiar with her story.

These days, finances are tight for a lot of people but please consider forgoing that cup of Starbucks today and help a sister in need. Please feel free to pass this link on to those who might be able to help.

Read her story here at A Mom in Red Heels.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2011-03-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

Morning. Don't want to sound tooooo cheery for those of you who are morning haters. Haha! I'm definitely waking a little slower these days since I've been on a late night jag lately. But, hopefully, these links will provide just the distraction we need to keep us from falling into our morning coffee mugs. Enjoy!

Don't these look delicious? I think I'll try my hand at them, um, eventually... They bring back memories.
Fruity Goodness

Some cool architectural structures in Arizona. Who says we don't have art here?
http://www.sourcesanddesign.com/archives/0705/bricks_and_stones.html

If you celebrated the Irish a bit too vigorously last week, you might need a touch'o'green to mend your body. Try this.The Alkaline Sisters Green Drinks for a Healthy St. Patty's Day

Or maybe you're trying to get yourself motivated to clean the house and (like me), you don't even know where to start. Well, this might help! Real Simple's Daily Cleaning Checklist

And on a completely different note. This is amazing. I won't interpret it other than to say, it's meant to be art. What does it mean to you? Have a great day, everyone!

Recovering from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage - Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually

2011-03-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

This list is for those women who are recovering from miscarriage (or serious hemorrhage as a result) - and possibly more importantly, it's for their partners and loved ones. This month has felt like a roller coaster in some ways and I can honestly say that I would not have emerged as healthily as I have without the encouragement of my friends and family. I don't want to waste space recounting the original story so you can read it here.

I have simply listed what I felt - and I have decided to categorize it all as normal. I do want to say regarding the "Guilt - was it my fault?" entry, don't worry about reassuring me. Technically, I know it probably wasn't my fault but those feelings are a natural and probably necessary part of the grieving process.

These are just some of the things I'm moving through or have already passed. If you want to read the one month update, you can find it here.

I hope this is a help for those of you who are going through this. I will not minimize your pain by trying to make it ok. It isn't ok. But, know you are not alone and even if I don't know your name, I am saying a prayer for your healing even as I write these words.

Blessings...Monna

Physical

Really weak at first but vitamins, chinese herbs and good nutrition, including lots of veggies and some red meat seemed to help me recover quickly
Mild headache from the anesthesia for about 3 days
Feeling like my head was going to fall off my body if I got up too fast in the first few days. I learned to sit up slowly and stand even more slowly. The sensation went away after 4 or 5 days. I think this is a normal result of severe blood loss. As my strength returned, my blood pressure normalized.
I had no cramping despite the major doses of pitocin they gave me to fully contract my uterus and stop the hemorrhaging. This surprised me because I remember pitocin contractions being unbearable with my first delivery but of course, my uterus was a lot smaller for this miscarriage since I was only finishing the first trimester.
Swollen, full breasts. In a crazy twist of fate, my breasts swelled up just after I returned home from the hospital and started aching like they would in pregnancy. My hormones weren't back to normal yet, I suppose.
Brief bleeding. Differently from a natural miscarriage, because I had a D&C, I only bled for about a week. I didn't see anything for another few days, then I had mild spotting. I freaked out (still a little nervous about bleeding, understandably) so I called a friend and she said she had the same experience. It went away after 2 days. I understand that bleeding in a natural miscarriage takes significantly longer.
Other physical symptoms of pregnancy - like still having some odd taste aversions that went away as the hormones faded.
Desire for comfort food like chocolate and ice cream. This is only physical because I definitely ate the chocolate and ice cream. I do realize the desire was emotional. A friend suggested writing a future post about chocolate therapy. It might just happen. Heehee. I refuse to judge myself. It's been a pretty successful therapy so far.
Exhaustion. Yeah. Still feeling this way a lot of the time. I don't have my normal stamina yet. Guess recovery from losing a lot of blood can take a while. I'm heading in the right direction.
First period after miscarriage - I had my first mooncycle (menstruation) about 35 days after my miscarriage. It was a little heavy and a normal length - about 6 days counting heavy and light days. Then, I stopped. But two days later I had a little spotting for a few hours, bright red but not heavy. I talked to several friends who said they had similar strange spotting between periods as hormone levels returned to normal.

Emotional

Numb - at first. Too exhausted to even think of what had happened.
Fear - about the actual miscarriage. For about a week, I had bad dreams and had a hard time not thinking about it. Remembering stuff I'd forgotten -

like being on oxygen from the time I was in the ambulance until after my D&C
discovering I'd been categorized in "Critical" condition & figuring out - it's not good.

Fear that I will get pregnant again and that I'll lose the baby or go through a scary miscarriage again (highly unlikely).
Fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again (because I do want more children - Whoa. Did I just say, child-ren?)
Guilt that maybe I did something to cause this. My reasonable side knows it may be impossible to prove exactly what happened - which is why doctors and midwives always say, "There's nothing you could have done to cause or prevent this." But, my mom's guilt kicked in anyway and I went down the laundry list of everything I'd eaten, done, how much sleep I'd gotten and possible incidents of bad karma. I know I will probably never know if it was just genetic or something else. I'm convinced this is a natural part of grieving a baby lost in utero.
A return to reason - We mothers are programmed to protect our young and being unable to do that with an unseen child is an excruciating experience. Thankfully, I remembered that babies are born to moms with poor nutrition and even moms on crack. Women not even close to the nutrition and healthy lifestyle I'm fortunate enough to have. In the end I trust that, for some reason, this baby was not meant to be here now. I don't like it but I have faith that it is true.
Guilt that I'd always hoped I would never be a part of the group of women who have lost a baby. I always grieved with friends and even acquaintances who went through a miscarriage and then secretly prayed, "Please, not one of mine."
Bursts of grief at odd times, like when I -

realize there are certain foods I can now eat that I couldn't eat just a few weeks ago because I was pregnant

see pics of newborn babies on friends' facebook pages or meeting pregnant women in the grocery store

recalculate what I'll be able to do this summer and fall because I won't be completing a pregnancy and taking care of a newborn

read the children's books to my girls that we read before bedtime the night of the miscarriage

Anger about random, unimportant stuff - such as a nasty coffee drink and wi-fi not working at a coffee shop I visited. So not my normal tendency.
Anger - This is kind of embarrassing but I felt this way toward people who didn't realize how serious my miscarriage was (this is completely unfair but who says the grieving process is rational?) or who minimized the experience with comments like, "Well, it's over. Now you can move on with your life." Jerk. Or people who asked "How are you?" but didn't want to hear the truth. Part of me wanted to shock them with a blatantly honest answer. I didn't.
Control freak-ishness. I don't think this is in the list of typical stages of grief but I believe this is my way of compensating for not having control over what happened to me and my baby. So, I tried to control everything my little world. For instance, I hyper-cleaned or got frustrated with the kids if they didn't do exactly what I asked within say, oh - 2 seconds of my thinking it. Yeah, that's reasonable.
Gratitude - for my sweet husband, daughters, family and friends I was surrounded with during the weeks following my miscarriage.
Feeling abandoned. Life goes back to normal for everyone else - even a loving, supportive husband who has to return to work - but seemed to stand still for me for a while. People stop calling or asking about the baby (very normal) and it feels like they have forgotten.
Depression. As I was recovering mentally from how scary my miscarriage was and as I began to feel the loss of the hopes and expectations of greeting a new baby, I felt dark, listless and grief stricken. Like my life was over. This stage did not last long for me because I woke up one morning and decided that despite the circumstances and the loss we endured - I am lucky to be alive! While I still have moments (and probably will for a while) when I feel sad or cry unexpectedly, I choose not to dwell in the darkness.

Spiritual

I've always believed that women have an incredible intuition and connection to the spiritual world - especially in times of menstruation, pregnancy and the death. As I get older, I find this is true of many of the wise women in my life as well.

Insight can come in the form of dreams that help us to realize something about ourselves, our lives or the person we lost. It can come in the words of a friend, stranger or something we read. It can even arrive through a quiet voice. In all of the above listed experiences, I have personally received strong insights into areas of personal growth and spiritual understanding. I must add miscarriage to that list.

I received strong intuition the night I miscarried. After I felt the first labor-like pains and passed some blood and tissue, I thought I would try to lie down and rest. But, as I went to bed, I had a strong feeling that I would bleed too much and asked my husband to watch over me because of that concern. I believe it was a message, and one that may have saved my life.

Besides the message during my miscarriage, the last few weeks have been very spiritually eye-opening for me. Those lessons are for my spirit alone to process but I'd encourage you to listen if you're in any of the above stages. If we desire wisdom, we only need to listen. She speaks loudly.

My suggestions for healing after a miscarriage

Be in the moment you're in already. If you try to escape it, it will only chase you till you pay attention.
If you are feeling physical pain, acknowledge and deal with it. Meaning, if you need Tylenol (or something stronger), take it. Just be careful not to get dependent on it.
Eat strong, nourishing food and drink lots of water so your body can recover and take a multivitamin at least till you're done bleeding.
Pamper yourself for a while - new books, pedicure, massage, chocolate. :)
REST as much as possible the first few days following a miscarriage - even if you didn't go through hemorrhage. Miscarriage is a huge loss - for your body and your spirit. You will need rest to recover from the bleeding and to have the strength to deal with the emotions to follow.
Get some sunshine for at least 10 minutes every day. Walking in the sun every day soothed my sore spirit. It gave me hope that life would go on and I would feel normal again.
Allow yourself the chance to be sad or angry. These are normal stages of grief. Cry or yell if you feel it will help. I would suggest not yelling in front of kids (*smile*) but crying is perfectly normal and ok.
For those of you who have children, don't hide your grief from your kids. Death and loss are part of life. Keep it simple if they catch you in a moment of grief. When my kids ask why I am crying, I answer simply, "I am feeling sad about the baby but I'll be ok." Kids are pretty pragmatic. They usually hugged me and return to whatever they were doing.
If you find you're crying all the time or feeling hopeless or listless, call a friend or, if necessary, a counselor. Sometimes, we just need to hear words of hope or be reassured that what we're feeling is normal. But don't wait till you feel desperate.
Let your friends and family help. If they offer meals or babysitter, let them. If you're feeling worn down and the laundry is unfolded, ask for help or let it wait till morning. You'll catch up soon.
Find some time alone with your partner and make a real effort to include topics other than the miscarriage. You can still bring it up but you might find it is a relief to your healing heart. Plus, your partner lost a baby too and might need encouragement or a change of topic himself.
Pray, sing, exercise, go out with people who really love you and will allow you to be real with them about where you are.

Recovering from Miscarriage, One Month Later

2011-03-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to believe that one month ago, I was waking up in a hospital after hemorrhaging during a miscarriage that didn’t progress properly. Like the other significant events of my life, it seems like yesterday and it seems ages have passed. Most of you know the story already but if you missed it you can read the original account here. As promised, here is an update on what it has been like for me to recover from miscarriage.

I’ve healed a lot during the last month, physically and spiritually, thanks to the love of my family and friends and some significant amounts of chocolate and ice cream. I’m trading the latter in for hiking shoes soon before I need a new wardrobe!

The truth is, I’ve had a really hard time writing this, partly because it’s sad and I didn’t know how much to share and partly because my two year old deleted the whole thing after I’d written it. Ah, life! These are some personal observations I made following my miscarriage. Some of them are blunt and raw but I included them because I've learned quite a few women I know ran into these situations and words after miscarriage. Hopefully, including them here will help us all to be more thoughtful about how powerful our words and actions can be when directed toward a person who has lost someone they love.

For those of you who are looking for a more specific "what to expect following a miscarriage" list, it's here.

This month, I discovered that the “silent pain” of miscarriage is silent for several reasons. Sometimes, it’s easier to just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Less messy. The pain of losing a child is deep and personal and almost too physically draining to discuss. Second, there is no ceremony, no ritual that marks the passage of an unseen child which would make talking about it seem normal and offer people the freedom to offer their condolences without wondering if they've crossed a line. Lastly, an unborn child is held inside a place of blood and water inside a woman, a topic that seems to be kind of taboo in our culture.

Without a funeral, grief feels illegitimate within a very short time. We’re supposed to put on our happy face and act like we feel better already even though we actually feel like our lives have hit a full stop while everyone keeps moving around us. I felt self conscious writing about this again. What would people think? Should I be over it already? Stop feeling sorry for myself?

Even though I said I would allow myself to grieve, I soon discovered it was harder than I thought, both because of normal social customs and other people’s expectations. The common greeting, “How are you?” usually asked in a perfunctory manner, became difficult to answer. A few people asked with genuine interest but most expected the typical “Good.” Especially when the latter was expected by people who knew what I'd been through, I felt like saying, “Let's see, my baby died and I'm lucky to be here myself. How do you think?” Of course, I clung to the social norm, looked at them blankly and asked, “How are you?”

After awkward moments like this, I was even more grateful for kind friends. The best friends didn’t just say, “Let me know if you need anything.” That’s so difficult when you’re usually an independent, strong woman. How does one ask for help? I felt relieved and thankful when friends went out of their way to call me and ask how I was doing or bring a meal. In another post, I’ll list some helpful things you can do for friends who are suffering a loss.

Some other people in my life tried to “fix” what had happened by offering words they probably hoped would diminish my chances of depression. While I understand their intentions and appreciate that they meant well, their comments still seemed to minimize the grief I was feeling. Some were probably trying to be comforting while others were just uncomfortable with what had happened and didn’t want to talk about it or didn’t know what to say. These kinds of comments often came from the people closest to me - but I realize they were just at a loss for how to help.

“Thank God you’re ok. Now you can just move on with your life and focus on the beautiful children you already have.”

“Well, the important thing is, you’re ok. Now you can just move on with your life.”

Catching a theme here? I’m sure these people were just horrified by what happened and wanted to save me from depression by pointing me to the wonderful things in my life. But, I needed a moment to catch my breath and grieve for the dream of the sweet baby I had lost. The truth is, an event like this becomes a part of who we are. I am so thankful for my girls. But, I loved this baby. I dearly wanted this baby. And this baby will always occupy a place of love and grief in my heart. He or she is a part of me now.

While I was still in the hospital, someone said to me, “I know you don’t want to hear this but you’re now a statistic.” You’re right. Didn't want to hear that. But...

This event connected me to a new group of people who have lost children. After my first post, an incredible number of women contacted me with their own stories of loss and grief. Their words were a balm to my heart as I realized I really was not alone. I cherish every message.

I am not a statistic but I have undergone a rite of passage that, similar to getting married and giving birth, has offered me access to a circle of women who I might not have known otherwise. While I never would have chosen to lose a baby, I am so grateful for the connection I have gained to these dear women who opened their hearts to me.

This experience was not without its spiritual lessons either. I have long believed that women possess powerful intuition and connection to the spiritual world especially in times of blood, like menstruation and pregnancy, and near the death of a loved one. In the western world, where science and the empirical method reign supreme, we often ignore this spiritual wisdom and do our best to escape the discomfort of being wet and bloody. But, blood and water can be signs of new birth.

Looking back, this spiritual wisdom manifested itself in my life several times before, during and after the miscarriage. The weekend before my miscarriage, I was overwhelmed with deep grief and kept bursting into sobs over unimportant things. At first, I credited pregnancy hormones, but then a voice clearly said, “Maybe something is wrong with this baby.” I pushed the thought away but I believe it was a gentle indication of what was to come.

The same spiritual wisdom may have saved my life during my miscarriage. After the first pangs of labor yielded results, I wanted to rest a little. But, this little voice prompted me to tell my husband, “I want to sleep but I’m afraid I’ll bleed too much. Will you watch over me?” Within an hour, I was breathing oxygen through a mask as an ambulance whisked me to the hospital. What if I hadn’t listened and had just gone to sleep? This event convinced me to listen even more closely for wisdom. She’s pretty loud if I will only open my ears.

This month has seemed so long and so short. I learned a lot about life and myself I didn't realize I needed to learn. While I have felt the normal sadness, anger and depression that comes with loss, something else has taken over my current mood. About a week ago, I woke with a hope in my heart that sort of squashed that sad/numb feeling that had previously surrounded me. It was strong enough for me to choose to smile through my tears.

I still have sad moments and I’m sure they will continue to come at times but for now, I’m willing to take the pain along with the joy. It’s what reminds me I’m alive.

Wake Up! It's Monday Already...

2011-03-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Guten Morgen. If you're snoring while awake this morning (like I am because I stayed up way too late so I could hang with my handsome husband) and wondering how in the world you're going to make it to lunch, these links might help. Be sure to inhale your coffee with 6 shots of espresso (Heather!)

First, a laugh.

Next time you think you're having a bad day (life), imagine yourself as Mel Gibson in his latest movie. I know it's supposed to be serious but I laugh hysterically every time I see it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOSOWNS3jts

Feel like lunch in a hip atmosphere with great service and delicious food and drink? This local place will hit the spot. They don't need my free advertising but I love them so here you go. http://www.postinowinecafe.com/

I saw this a while back. What would you consider a good value? http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/08/food-for-a-dollar/

Speaking of food, here's some suga' for you this morning. Amazing. http://www.flipflipmeheidi.com/2011/03/made-in-slovenia-001/

Ok, just one more. These are incredible! http://jagode-zavri.blogspot.com/2010/08/backi.html

If you think you might need sugar when you get home tonight, try this healthy version. So yum.http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/tips-techniques/stepbystep-instructions-for-oneingredient-ice-cream-097170

I am filled with hope and joyful expectation when I hear this music.

And, I got the inspirational word of the day from a friend who read it to her son last night for a bedtime story. It really spoke to me.

"You BECOME. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." The Velveteen Rabbit - Thanks Renee'!

Good luck out there. Remember to enjoy this day.

Best Brownies Ever, A Respectful Variation on the Malgieri Brownie

2011-03-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

Last week was my husband's 35th birthday and instead of a cake, he requested a chocolate brownie sundae that oozed chocolate. I had a sneaking suspicion he might be supporting my recent need to indulge in chocolate-y goodness every few days as exhibited by the fact that the only recipes I've posted lately have been chocolate. But I resolutely pushed aside my conspiracy theorist tendencies and got to work. A brownie sundae begins with the perfect brownie and I intended to find it.

But first - I have a confession to make. Please, don't judge me too harshly.

I have never been a big brownie fan. They have never done it for me. While I love dark chocolate, I prefer it in creamy desserts like mousse or a chocolate creme brulee. So, I knew the brownie would have to be the perfect texture and flavor to tempt me. And, I figured if I could find a recipe to tempt a non-brownie lover like me, my intended audience would be happy too.

I started with a brownie from the Smitten Kitchen, one of my favorite sites. See it here. I liked the description of the recipe she posted because it was so easy, used only cocoa powder and didn't require my tempering any chocolate. But, when I tasted the finished product, the cocoa powder bitterness stood out to me. I didn't do the brownie any flavors by leaving it in the oven just a minute or two too long (classic brownie error!). It was still chewy fudge-y but I could tell I'd overdone it. It was not a bad brownie by any means - just not the one I was looking for. By the way, if you haven't visited the Smitten Kitchen yet, you should. She's a really funny writer, the pictures are great and the food is phenomenal. You'll love me for it!

Next, I tried the Best Brownie EVA recipe over at the feeding time blog. And, in classic "Monna" style, I altered it by adding just a little cocoa powder since I wanted it to be SUPER chocolate-y. And, it was. But, the cocoa powder definitely gave the brownies a bitter flavor. More importantly, when those brownies came out, I realized the real problem.

I thought I wanted a fudge-y brownie. But, both those fudge brownie recipes seemed heavy, flat muddled. I wanted a taller, chewier brownie with a with a crispy top that would showcase the flavor of chocolate and finish with chocolate chunks melting into my mouth. I'm serious about chocolate.

Know how they say third time's the charm? Well, it was. In my insane perusal of hundreds of brownie recipes to find the perfect one (maybe that's an exaggeration but barely. I spent way too many hours on this project!), I stumbled across several forums frequented by people much closer to "nuts" about brownies than me. We're talking some seriously passionate, brownie-pated individuals! Several of them referred to a recipe for Supernatural Brownies by a guy named Nick Malgieri as the ultimate brownie. I had to find it.

Sure enough, I discovered the recipe in another of my favorite places. The website for the American Public Media radio show called The Splendid Table, hosted by Lynne Rosetto Kasper had the recipe posted here.

By now I'd learned a few things about brownies, so I tweaked it just a leeeee-tle. I just can't help myself. I have a chronic tendency to change recipes.

And, this one nailed it. I can't tell you what your taste in brownies should be. But, if you want the best brownie you've ever tasted, try this one. Despite the fact that it requires tempering, it's pretty darn easy. By the way, no cocoa powder.

Notes: The pan you use in a brownie recipe makes a big difference. I used a metal Nordicware quarter sheet. That's smaller than Mr. Malgieri's recipe calls for but the smaller size lets the brownie puff up to the height I wanted while still allowing it to remain chewy. If you use a bigger pan, shorten your cooking time. If you use glass, lower the temp 25 degrees to prevent burnt and squishy brownies. Yuck.
For the record, I've been having problems with my oven, thus the wide variance in baking times. But, I'd rather have a slightly underdone brownie than an overcooked one.
Finally, for those of you who would argue this is NOT a brownie with baking powder in it, I have only to say - I don't care. It tastes DELICIOUS!

Best Brownies Ever, A Respectful Variation on the Malgieri Brownie

Ingredients

16 tablespoons butter (I used salted and decreased the salt in the recipe)

10.5 oz bittersweet chocolate pieces (I used TJ's 85% bars. Reasonably priced with a smooth flavor)

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1 1/2 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

4 large eggs

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup all-purpose flour with 3/4 t. baking powder carefully stirred in (nothing worse than a bite of leavening)

1 1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips

Instructions

Quarter sheet (12x9x1) baking pan with parchment paper and let a little hang over the sides

1. Preheat oven to 350F and set oven rack in the middle

2. Bring a saucepan of water to boil and turn down to med-low. Set a heat proof bowl over the pan and combine butter and chocolate until melted. Whisk thoroughly.

3. Remove the chocolate mixture from heat and add sugar. Whisk until sugar is nearly dissolved.

4. Let mixture cool to just warm (as in, not enough to cook eggs!) and add eggs one at a time and whisk. .

5. Add salt and vanilla and whisk.

6. Add flour and baking powder to chocolate mixture and whisk until the batter takes on a sheen, about 1 minute.

7. Add chocolate chips and stir in briefly.

8. Pour into prepared pan and spread evenly.

9. Bake between 25-40 minutes. I started checking around 20 minutes. Having over-cooked a batch already, I didn't want to ruin this one. You really must do the toothpick test on a brownie. When it's done, it should have just a few damp-ish crumbs on the toothpick and spring back when you touch it with your finger. If your toothpick comes out dry, it's over-baked. Don't worry. Just eat that batch with ice cream and try again.

My Favorite Things (or How to Survive a Monday)

2011-03-07T10:18:00.000-08:00

This morning finds me busy with lots - paying bills, running errands and picking up the groceries I didn't get on Friday because I was celebrating my husband's birthday and trying to find the PERFECT brownies for his birthday lunch. (I found it by the way - and I'll share this week!!) So, I thought I'd put together a list of some of my favorite things right now - and wish you a happy Monday!!! (hope you don't have a case of the muuuuunndays! Ack!)

It's mid morning, I bet you could use a laugh. Trust me, this will do it!

If you're one of those people who has a problem with Mondays, I have the perfect remedy. Do what you can to get through the day. Then, on your way home, make a quick stop to pick up some Crave Artisan Ice Cream. When you taste this, you'll want to pledge your undying love to me. (Or, maybe to the owner of Crave.) It's made with real cream and eggs in small batches. My first taste was of the salted caramel with almonds ice cream and I haven't been able to get past it to try anything else. It is simply DIVINE and I would eat it every day if I could!

Get distracted by some fun photography contest entries over at Pioneer Woman's blog.

Apparently, I'm only interested in creamy foods right now. No apologies. It's comfort food. Love chai and this looks amazing!

If that doesn't do it for you. remember - you're a FIREWORK! lol. I guess I'm a sucker for corporate music and good marketing but I like this song.

More creamy foods. Plan lunch for tomorrow. If you haven't been to this local joint, your tongue/brain/stomach will thank me. Preferably by offering me a bite.

And, if you REALLY want to escape, imagine how fun this would be!

Have a great Monday!

Rob Bell - Herald or Heretic?

2011-03-04T11:21:00.000-08:00

This week, Rob Bell's video promo for his new book, Love Wins, ignited quite a controversy in the Christian community. If you haven't seen the video, check it out.

I usually don't touch on this subject. It's very private and dear to my heart. But I need to get this off my chest.

I watched Rob Bell’s video. It’s interesting that he doesn’t actually answer any of the questions he’s asking. Despite that, he’s already been labeled and discarded by some Christians. I guess it’s because these aren’t the safe questions allowed by Christian doctrine. Too scary.
But here's my real point.

I don't know what Bell’s conclusions will be in his as-yet-unreleased book. More importantly, I DON'T CARE what they are.

Because the real problem isn't whether someone like Bell, who has already identified himself as Christian, believes Christian doctrine as he should. Christians are supposed to believe that God gets to decide whether Bell is a believer or not, right? As I say this, I'm not suggesting Christians shouldn't know history/doctrine/faith tenants and hold true to them.

My real problem with this entire controversy is that it clearly illustrates a significant problem with a large portion of the Christian community. Here it is.

In Rob Bell's video, he voices genuine questions asked by people unschooled in church doctrine/language. The people who aren't familiar with "allowed & safe" Christian inquiry. These aren't "pie-in-the-sky" questions. These aren't shallow questions. These aren't questions that are just "excuses" for not choosing to believe in God - as some people I know suggest. They are the kind of questions asked by the people who are supposed to be the target of the Church’s love & evangelism.

These are the questions real people I know and love - who came face to face with Christ from outside the church (and some from within it) - have seriously wrestled with in the hopes of finding something true, deep, transcendent to believe. I'm not talking about shallow people. I'm talking about people willing to seek truth, face doubt and grapple with questions that challenge the foundation of who they are, who God is and how we're supposed to live out life.

Many of these thoughtful truth seekers discovered there was no place for real questions in the faith communities who originally claimed to welcome them "just as they were". Sadly, this is the reason many of those friends have walked away from Church. Yet others outside the Church won't even glance toward the God of Christianity because they believe there is no place for them to ask honest questions about life.

Did you hear that?

How can the Church expect people outside the faith to want the God inside if current members are rejected for honest inquiry? Is the God of Christianity too small/afraid to handle it?

I don’t believe it.

In this blog, I always encourage honest inquiry and the thoughtful quest for wisdom. That is part of the journey. Life happens, good and bad, tragic and joyous. You know I don't say this lightly. I've faced loss and death and I'm not afraid to ask honest questions.

I'm also no longer afraid not to have all the answers. So, I'm not going to give any here. I would rather leave you with more questions than answers so that you can think for yourself about what you believe about God, life and our purpose here with each other. Because I believe that if we seek truth, it will answer. After all, it's not really faith if it can't stand up to doubt, right?

But, for believers, I want to point you to one of the most famous Bible chapters on love, the topic of Bell's new book.

1 Corinthians 13 isn’t just a text for weddings.It’s a message about the strength of real love. How it's not easily angered, believes and hopes for the best. Love is stronger than hate, prophesy, knowledge. It transcends the dim view we have of the full picture. I believe this is the fullness of who God is.

Not threatened at all by questions. Not afraid of genuine inquiry.

Read it again.

Blessings.

Monna

1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version, ©2011)

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Garden update, March 2011

2011-03-02T08:03:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it's already MARCH?!! I'm not sure where the last three months have gone but it's time to get moving on the garden. Thankfully, we can grow food all year long here in AZ, but there are a few things I really want to get in this month.

We started with my front flower bed this weekend. I worked on it before Christmas but left it in lasagna mode. I added lots of layers of dirt/straw/manure etc. to build up the dirt into something that would feed my plants! Check out how that process works here. It hasn't been very pretty because I've been a little busy lately. Here's how it looked.

Little flower seedlings were popping up despite my neglecting it.

But - when my girls and I went out and turned over a few handfuls of dirt, look what we found!

Wormies! As my youngest would say.

My girls were very excited by this development. Not only did we find the few in my hand, we found over 30 worms in only 2 or 3 shovels full of dirt. (Thank you crazy rainy season!) The girls know that worms in the dirt are a sign of living soil because worms aerate the soil and leave special "fertilizer" that provide nutrients for our little garden. My oldest, who is super girlie, consented to touch one. My two year old has no fear of "wormies" and wanted to hold one. She did pretty well and was very gentle.

She only smushed one.

It was an accident.

She was deeply concerned about it.

- For a two year old. -

We gently placed it back in the dirt and covered it.

Oops.

We also put a few plants in the dirt. Of course, we choose to do it right before the rain started and the temps dropped. So, we'll see if these guys survive. Thankfully, nature is forgiving...

The front plants are Calendula and the back one is Borage.

Stay tuned! Updates on my other garden and plants to go in this time of year - to come soon

Thank you, Recovering and Support After Miscarriage

2011-02-25T11:34:00.000-08:00

Today, I just want to say - Thank you, so much - to all of you who have offered love and support over the last few days in response to this post about my harrowing miscarriage experience last week. I have been feeling physically stronger - and that has led me to the second and probably harder part of recovery from miscarriage, dealing with the loss of our small one. It hits me at the strangest times and for the most improbable reasons.

I have been surprised by the lack of readily available support for women recovering physically and emotionally from miscarriage. Perhaps because the loss of such a young baby is almost an invisible experience, our culture doesn't really know how to acknowledge it past the initial incident - if it is acknowledged at all. Part of that may also be due to our reticence to share because it is such a personal and deep pain.

But more than one of you told me that when you did share, the response you received left you feeling your grief was over-dramatic or not legitimate. I may be in the throes of my own experience but I'm logical enough to say, if you have lost a child at any point in its development, your loss is real and legitimate and grief-worthy. I am not really in a place of being to give strength in this moment, I do hope for solidarity with those of you who are or who have been where I am now.

Because I chose to be so open (which felt very vulnerable and kind of scary), I received many thoughtful messages from friends and strangers about our experience. But, I was also surprised at the number of friends who didn't respond to the private email I sent - which was brief and to a very short list. I think many people are just overwhelmed by what this event means to a loved one and don't know what to say.

And - I intend to put together the resources I encounter as I intentionally and gently face my loss and grief. I will create a section for it - and post a regular update what it is like to recover from miscarriage.

As I said before, this is a decision that requires me to be more emotionally exposed than I usually allow myself to be in this space. But, this should not be something we are silent about as women - or families. It shouldn't be so hard to find information or hope past miscarriage. It's important to mark the experience, grieve the dreams and expectations that disappeared with that little one and to go on with the encouragement and strength of others and the hope of future joys.

I am surrounded by wise, kind, encouraging people. Thank you again for all that you have given me this week. It empowers me and inspires me to give back to others who have been in this place.

Sincerely - Monna

Devil's Food Cake with Chocolate-Orange Buttercream - oh yeah.

2011-02-23T07:44:00.000-08:00

In light of yesterday's very serious post, I decided today should be more lighthearted and chocolate-filled. Hehe. We all need a little chocolate! As I recently stated, chocolate is great therapy when you're feeling stressed (so is sex - but I digress...)

For Valentine's Day, I wanted to make something divinely chocolate. Chocolate may be the food of the gods but I was looking for something that would make me feel a bit on the wicked side! Also, I wanted something homemade because I'd been to a few too many events recently that sported corn syrup and stabilizer filled desserts. So, I pulled out a recipe I'd used from Epicurious.com years ago and had only made once because of the time and ingredients involved. The cake was so memorable family members will sometimes say, "Remember when you baked that chocolate cake?" Then, their eyes get misty and they start drooling as they drift away with the memory.

Well, maybe that's a little dramatic. But, my family does remember the cake and they speak of it fondly. It's a recipe that takes time - melting chocolate over a double boiler and doing everything from scratch. Although my mom was not above using boxed cakes, she taught us to bake from scratch when we were young. I've found it doesn't really take that much more time (usually) and it definitely tastes better.

The only time this didn't turn out to be true was when, as a pre-teen, I increased the baking soda in a Texas Sheet Cake from 1 t. to 1 T. You can imagine what a dreadful disaster this turned out to be - especially when I didn't discover it till the party and couldn't convince the guests to stop eating it. They all gulped it down with pained expressions while assuring me it was delicious (as though I couldn't taste it). AAHH!! The mortification!

This cake does take a bit more time than other homemade cakes - maybe because it uses melted chocolate, cocoa nib powder, yogurt & milk & orange zest (you get the picture), but the combination of the ingredients creates a moist, decadent, incredible cake worthy of being called the Devil's Food. I didn't use the lavender because it just didn't sing to me at the time and I didn't miss it.

So, the Saturday before Valentine's Day, I left my girls with Rob and borrowed my mother-in-law's kitchen. My oven has been running hot.

First, I melted the chocolate...


The recipe requires semi-sweet chocolate (I used Valrhona at least 70%+) melted over a double boiler. Mmmm....

Next, I creamed brown sugar with butter, eggs and vanilla - this is my favorite part!

In goes the cooled, melted chocolate. I think I would rather eat the batter than the cake. Well, maybe. Or, both...

The first set of cake pans - I doubled the recipe for a really tall cake.

The frosting begins with orange zest. Yes, I used organic - no pesticide cake for us!

And, of course, more melted chocolate and a tad bit of Grand Marnier. I could eat it with a spoon!! (wait, I DID eat it with a spoon!)

And, here you can see my GIANT beautiful cake - and my big mistake! I didn't sift the powdered sugar and it was a little lumpy. No amount of mixing fixed it. But the lumps dissolved and no one complained.

Also - for those of you who know me and my aversion to eating too much sugar or giving it to my girls... We don't eat stuff like this often, but when we do, I don't try to recreate the wheel. To me, a cake is supposed to be an occasional, luxurious treat. So, this is a REAL cake made with real sugar, butter, flour etc. I would rather my girls eat this over fake corn syrup filled, shortening covered cake any day. It was incredible - and we ended up giving a lot of it away. After all, what girl really needs a four layer chocolate cake on her counter all week? If I ate it all day for a week, I couldn't get rid of it!

The original Epicurious recipe is here - but I'll warn you. I doubled the cake recipe and there was still enough frosting for the whole thing. So, if you're planning to make just a single recipe, you will have leftover frosting. It's good on graham crackers - or on a spoon if you're desperate to make it go away!

Great, I may have to break my own rules and make it again. Anyone want to help eat it?

A Miscarriage - And An Unexpected Turn of Events

2011-02-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

***If you are faint of heart, this may not be a post for you. It contains frank and graphic descriptions of blood and loss. ***

Up until last week, my family and I were happily anticipating the opportunity to announce the impending arrival of our third little one. We wanted to wait till I was a little further along to let everyone know - though close friends were aware of our news. Miscarriage is not a word any family, expecting a baby, wants to hear. And, unfortunately, my news today is not the happy announcement I was planning.

This is a very personal story for me - and part of me wonders whether or not I want to write about it. But because so many people have expressed their love and concern and because so many have said that this is a silent pain that many women carry, I am going to open my heart and hope that you will treat it with tenderness. Losing a child - at any stage - is terribly sad. It should not be something we carry silently. Women (and men and families) who have experienced it need a way to mark their loss and they need the support of loved ones and the hope of encouragement.

Last week, I shared that we had a long week of sick kids and restless nights. Thursday and Friday, I found myself encompassed by a powerful feeling of grief, accompanied by uncontrollable weeping. At the time I thought it was the long week - but Friday morning, it occurred to me that the baby might not be ok. I pushed the thought aside and chalked it up to stress. In retrospect, I wonder if my body was not giving my spirit a little insight into what was coming. Saturday, I took the girls on a little hike just to get us out of the house and to give me a little perspective.

Sunday afternoon, I began spotting. I don't believe the sick kids or long nights were implicit in this - but it does explain why I felt so absolutely exhausted. I grounded myself on the couch and Rob came home early from church to help me get the girls to bed. Knowing that spotting in early pregnancy doesn't always mean a miscarriage, I chose to rest and to talk to my baby. I expressed my love and deep desire to meet him or her and hoped for the best. But, as I continued to have light spotting Monday and Tuesday and the color changed from pink and brown to red, I found tears springing into my eyes more frequently and felt a certainty (that I tried to ignore) that the baby was saying goodbye.

My midwife came by to check on me Tuesday and sat with me for a while to make sure I was ok. She also let me know what to expect if I did miscarry. Rob and several of my sisters were present throughout the day and took the kids out for a few hours. A few close friends kept in touch, knowing what was happening. Tuesday night, I spoke with a wise friend of mine, Lisa, who encouraged me to continue to rest and hope for the best but to call 911 if I began to bleed too much that night.

After visiting with Pam, Lisa and my family, I found some quiet time alone. I cradled my womb in my hands and told our baby, "We love you and want to meet you - but if you need to go, it's ok. We will always be your mom and dad and we'll see you again some day." I went to bed with a sense of peace although I could feel mild cramping and knew what it meant. I slept quietly for a few hours.

Around midnight, Robert came to bed after a night of working through a new song set for an upcoming rehearsal. I woke and felt the labor-like pains Pam told me I might experience. They were strong and intense and felt like the start of real labor - only very close together. It takes my breath away now just remembering it. I tried not to dwell on the fact that the pain meant I wouldn't be meeting my baby. Instead, I tried to just be in the moment.

Robert helped me to the bathroom and I lost blood and tissue. Then, I remembered Pam reminding me not to stay in the bathroom but to rest in between pains because it might take a while. As I lay back down in bed, I felt the pain subside and I wished I could sleep. But, I asked Rob to stay awake with me because I was afraid I would bleed too much. My inner wisdom was guiding me.

Time passed so quickly. Soon, I found myself needing to be in the bathroom more and more often. We put a towel on the bathroom floor and I lay there between contractions. I felt pressure like I needed to push but blood would just rush out if I stood up. Around 2:30 am, I had 4 or 5 of those rushes of blood (which happened in a very short time). I knew I was in trouble and asked Rob to call 911.

While he was on the phone, I passed out a few times. Rob kept waking me and I tried hard to stay conscious. When the paramedics arrived, my bp was 59/4-? (after I heard the 59 I sorta missed the second part). I knew the situation was serious but reassured them, "Don't worry guys, I'm going to be ok." The paramedic taking my BP looked at me (probably wondering if I had any idea what was happening) and said, "Well, we're taking you in right now." I laughed and found my reply was slurred, "That would be nice." I think my mother-in-law arrived around this time to watch the girls and I remember being relieved that Robert would be able to come with me to the hospital.

As six strong guys carried me out into the night, Rob threw my special blanket over me. I bought it in Mexico on a missions trip almost 20 years ago and it's been through a lot with me. It was cold outside but time seemed to stand still for a moment as I caught a glimpse of the nearly full moon through my favorite pine trees. I breathed deeply and captured the picture in my head for the journey that lay ahead.

The paramedics took me to the nearest hospital instead of going to my preference. It was a difference of 7 minutes and they seemed to think it was an important time difference. I arrived alone because Robert needed to drive. The nurses buzzed around me for a few minutes, checking the IV the medics had put in and adding other things to my IV cocktail. Robert soon arrived to watch over me.

The next several hours are a bit of a blur. I could see my monitor and knew the instability of my vitals meant I was in bad shape but I intentionally decided not to dwell on it too deeply. Instead, I choose, in my lucid moments, to breathe deeply and think of my family. I talked and joked with nurses and tried to convince them to give me one little ice cube because I was so thirsty. I had the uncomfortable experience of trying to use a bedpan while laying down. I don't really recommend it.

I remember having an ultrasound and the ER doc doing a pelvic exam and trying to clear out whatever was causing the bleeding. The ER staff explained when something is left in the uterus after a miscarriage, it can cause severe bleeding and require a D&C. The exam was a traumatic experience, despite my kind nurses standing by me and holding my hands, encouraging me. I remember thinking that this would be pretty scary if I'd let myself actually think about it. I remember wondering whether I would ever want to be pregnant again should I recover.

I remember hearing my BP monitor going off a lot when my BP dropped into the 70's and thinking, "Maybe the cuff isn't on correctly." Then, I would feel a gush of blood between my legs and I would pass out. I thought I'd passed out 5 or 6 times throughout the early morning but Rob says it was more like 10 or 12 and that I was out of it for the better part of four hours. That explains why I don't remember the part of the night when the nursing staff said my BP hovered in the 50's and 60's.

The next time I woke, several of my nurses and my doctor were standing at the end of my bed and my doctor said, "We're transferring you to the ICU where you'll get blood transfusions and have a D&C." After they left, my sweet ER nurse came over to me and held my hand. She said, "I don't want you to be afraid. You are going to be ok. Don't worry." I knew she was a little worried from the way her eyes widened when she said it (I think I've watched too much "Lie to me" - Haha!) but I appreciated her kindness and chose to believe her.

Soon, I was transferred to the ICU where my nurse put in another IV. This was at least the fourth attempt - since my veins were hiding. I had them in both arms and both hands. She started the blood transfusions and continued the pitocin and saline. I really wanted to go to the bathroom and for some reason, my nurse let me try. I sat up for a moment to use the chair next to the bed. But, as I sat up, I passed a red mass the size of a grapefruit and immediately felt lightheaded. I asked my nurse if it was my placenta but she said it was a blood clot and hustled me back into a prone position. She too kept saying, "You're going to be ok," over and over.

Before my surgery, my father-in-law came to the ICU. I was so relieved because Robert was being so strong for me and I knew he needed support. Our friend Jim had already come while I was in the ER and another friend, John, came as well. But, having Rob's dad there was good. I could tell my father-in-law was very upset. Blood kept seeping through my blankets and staining the bed, despite the nurses changing the pads regularly. I'm told my face was a tad on the pale side - even for a girl of Irish descent. I tried to joke with his dad to let him know I was ok but I don't think he bought it.

My surgeon came by to prep me for the D&C and I loved him right away. He was confident but not arrogant and I felt a strong sense that I would be ok. Robert and his dad prayed with me and off I went. I closed my eyes all the way to the OR. I didn't want to see bright lights or tables. Instead, I pulled up the picture of the beautiful night I'd seen right before arriving at the hospital and as I crashed to sleep, assisted by the anesthetics, in my mind I was holding tight to the trunk of my favorite pine tree. I intended to stay grounded to earth.

When I woke, it hadn't even been an hour and two nurses were standing at the end of my bed discussing my next room assignment. "No. She doesn't have to go back to the ICU," one nurse said, "She's been downgraded from critical." "OK," said the other, "I'll call the floor and let them know she's coming."

Soon, I was in a normal room with a roommate who apparently loved American Idol. It was like listening to cats being tortured but I didn't care because I was glad to be alive. Robert was there and I just rested for the majority of the afternoon. That night, I was glad to get visits from family and friends. It lifted my spirits - and Robert's - and kept me from thinking too much about our loss or how frightening the experience had been.

Rob had to go home that night since I was rooming with Ms. American Idol and I confess, I was a little afraid to fall asleep. My BP was still hovering in the 80's and 90's but I just trusted that I would be ok, and tried to rest. It was the first real sleep I'd had since Monday.

Thursday morning. Hey, I look way sexier than I did the day before!

The next morning was Thursday and my doctor came by to chat. He encouraged me and said there is nothing wrong with me. That though 70% of women have miscarriages, most are not this extreme (trust me to take the dramatic route!) and that we can definitely have more children when my cycle returns to normal and I feel ready. He said that I could leave the hospital and go home. He encouraged me to sit up, eat what I could and walk. I'd been afraid to walk during the night since I'd not sat up without fainting in almost two days. But, my blood pressure had cleared 100 by early morning. I felt ready and wanted to go home.

My tech helped me walk around the halls after removing the catheter. I couldn't wait to use the bathroom! What a funny thing to care about, right? When I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I was shocked by my appearance. My eyes were nearly swollen shut and my face was as pale as a Twilight character but not as sexy. My fingers and arms were swollen like sausages from the saline and drugs and there was still blood in my nails from the miscarriage. I couldn't seem to scrub them clean without a brush. My eyes filled at the memory but I pushed back the tears because I didn't want them to swell shut.

Robert came in time to bring breakfast (thank God because hospital food is awful!) and after lunch, we were ready to go home. When I arrived at home, it was quiet. My sweet sister came over to clean up leftover traces of Tuesday's trauma and spruce up the rest of the house for me while I rested.

Home!

Being home has been surreal. But, I am writing this from a place of profound gratitude today. I am so grateful to be here, sitting up (without fainting - yay!!) to write even this sad story.

I am not going to lie to you. Writing this was not easy. Little flashes of the last few days have been running through my head like a nightmare I can't wake from. Remembering the cool tile of the bathroom floor on my face while the paramedics checked me, seeing the blood in my nails, feeling the flatness of my abdomen, hearing in my head the thoughtless words of someone who apparently meant to comfort me by telling me I'm now a "statistic". I'm hoping that writing the thoughts down will be therapeutic. I will keep what is helpful and let love soften the pain of the rest.

Partly I'm writing this for those of you who didn't know how serious it was. I don't want to have to repeat it over and over or explain why I'm so very tired now. It wears me out to think of it too much. I know it will take a few weeks to get my strength back.

I'm not far enough past the trauma to deal with the grief of the loss we suffered. Right now, I'm focused on small thoughts like, "I'd like a glass of water," or "Isn't my two year old funny?!"

This experience is yet another that has changed the landscape of my mind - and heart. I am still the same person in some ways - but forever different too.

One thing that remains - is that as usual...I am grateful.

I am grateful to be alive. I am so, so grateful for my family. I am grateful for the amazing people at the hospital who not only saved my life but were kind to me in the process - the paramedics, ER staff, Jennifer, Evelyn, Steve, Dr. M, Leah, Julie, Dr. P., Joanna, Sheretta and those whose names I don't know or don't remember.

I am grateful for you - my friends. For your prayers and the many expressions of love you have shared in meals, hospital visits, magazines, kind words, flowers, watching my children, calling and listening, sharing your own experiences, cleaning my house. I and my family have felt your love and it has made and continues to make a difference. Thank you so much. I promise I am ok and getting stronger daily. It's ok to call or write. And please know that if I don't write back right now, I am feeling your love and appreciate you.

On a break

2011-02-17T16:26:00.000-08:00

Organic Mama needs to take a break this week.

In the meantime, here's one from the archives. It describes where I am right now...

I'll see you next week...

Teary Parsnip Pie, Recipe for Disaster

2011-02-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

Did I already mention last week was a long one? Well, in case you missed my previous post, my girls were sick early in the week so I spent a lot of time playing nurse and cleaning up after everyone. By Thursday night, we were sorely in need of a trip to the grocery store because the cupboard was pretty bare. I considered dragging my recovering two year old out to buy a few things but she was so tired, I just couldn't do it. An early nap won.

Maybe I made the wrong choice because things sorta went south from there. I knew my husband had a producing gig that night and I planned to make dinner early so he could eat and run. When I took stock of the bare cupboards, I found carrots, potatoes, parsnips, greens and a little leftover hamburger. Perfect. Pot pie would probably work. I had just enough butter for a crust. So, I made the crust, popped it in the fridge and started working on the veggies.

But, when I took out the back of potatoes, which I've always kept in a cool, dry cupboard (like my mom did), I found a roach running around in the bag. Now, girls and boys, I'm pretty cool in a real crisis - like the time our car was stolen from behind our house and we watched it drive away. But put a roach in front of me and I will totally l-o-s-e it. Which is exactly what I proceeded to do, especially because I'd already put-my-hand-in-the-bag when I found the roach! AAAAHHHHH!!!!

What if the roach had POOPED on my potatoes? The potatoes had to go. Since I didn't want the creepy little crawly to escape and run into the dark reaches of my cabinets, I stood there holding the bag for a few seconds while doing a terrified dance around the kitchen - shrieking for my four-year-old to come help me. That's right. I'm admitting it. My four year old had to rescue me from my own ludicrous terror.

"Mom!!! What is it?!!" shouted my little would-be-savior.

"Ah!! A roach is in the potato bag! A roach is in the potato bag!!" (eloquence disappears when terror hits)

AH!!!" responded an equally freaked out four year old.

"Quick, open the garbage can!" I shouted.

She opened the can and I threw the potato bag inside the garbage, tied the larger garbage bag around it and ran for the door so I could put it outside for Rob to deal with when he came home. Very unfeminist of me.

Then, we slammed the door (like the roach was going to tunnel through two plastic bags and come after us) and stood there huffing and puffing excitedly while we danced around shrieking.

"I hate cockroaches!!" I shouted. I felt like there were roaches crawling all over me.

"Me too!" she shouted back. And she danced around like she felt the same way.

After we calmed down, I went back to the kitchen, looking around me for any signs that cockroaches were going to come pouring out of my cupboards. Then, I realized I was acting insane and resumed cutting up the veggies that hadn't been pooped on by gross bugs. Then, it occurred to me that I really needed those potatoes for my pot pie. My uber-frugal grandmother and mother would have been horrified to see me throw out a partially full bag of potatoes. After all, they grow in the ground, where bugs crawl all over them before they even get to my pantry.

I wish I could say I went outside, saved the potatoes and made a killer pot pie. Because potatoes would have balanced the carrots and parsnips perfectly. Instead, my worn out brain said, "Nope. I'm sure parsnips, carrot, onion and meat pie will be just fine." Meanwhile, my girly emotions said, "This pie is going to suck." Then, my two year old woke up and decided to use me as a jungle gym from which she could grab at the pie dough (which I was simultaneously trying to roll out). Between the roach dance and the pie grabbing, I realized there wasn't enough time to back a full pot pie so I switched to empanadas.

Have you ever tried to roll out empanadas with a two year old grabbing the dough straight off the cutting board? I confess I lost my cool at this point. I was so tired from taking care of everyone else without a break for so long. I could barely stand. I still had the creepy feeling that cockroaches must be roaming my kitchen freely if I found one in my potatoes. I felt incompetant because I hadn't planned my grocery menu better (an unreasonable expectation since I'd not left the house in 4 days!) and hated that I was too cowardly to face the cockroach to rescue my potatoes. My little monkey was grabbing the few bits of food I had left on the board for our dinner and considering I didn't actually want parsnip pie for dinner anyway, I can honestly admit I really didn't want snotty parsnip pie for dinner.

My patience reached its end. I am ashamed to admit I shouted, "NO!!! Stop grabbing the dough!!" At a two year old. Who wanted to "help" mommy.

She burst into tears. And so did I. I gave up on the pie, picked her up and sat down with her, both of us blubbering profusely. She - because I hurt her. Me - because dinner was going to suck and most of all - because I was being a jerk.

It was this amazing reality that my cyclist husband rode into that evening. A partially made (sure-to-taste-crappy) dinner and two of his girls in complete emotional disarray.

He quickly rescued us by taking our two year old on an adventure to the water store while I finished making dinner and pulled myself together.

And, when Dad and baby returned, she'd forgotten all about my horrible moment of rudeness and laughed and played with me.

The empanadas tasted weird but Rob ate them valiantly and pronounced them delicious. I knew he was lying because the girls wouldn't eat them. They ate bread and jam for dinner. Yep.

I know there will be days like this. There are a few things I need to learn. Like how to keep my cool when I'm tired and things aren't going my way. I hate hurting the people I love.

One thing, for sure, I will do differently.

I'm keeping my potatoes in the fridge from now on.

Local Last Minute Fun For This Weekend - Feb 12, 2011

2011-02-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

This was a long week for us. My girls were sick at the beginning and I've spent the last few days cleaning up from the fallout of not doing any housework during sick people time. It seems like laundry and dirt explodes when my family is sick! Then, today - as I was working on my already - last - minute - links, my still recovering two year old asked, "Mommy will you hold me while I sleep?" What do you think I said?

Since I know some of you had a similar week but will be ready to get out in the fresh air this weekend, I couldn't let the Valentine weekend pass without listing a few fun things/places to see. Keep it local! You'll be surprised how much fun it is.

Chakra 4 Herb and Tea House Chocolate Festival - Feb 12 from 11:00am - 6:00pm

4773 N 20th St, Phoenix, AZ, 85016-4706 · Get Directions

Several of you are familiar with one of my favorite shops in town. We visit Chakra 4 for many of our herbal needs - to stay healthy. But, they also have a great little cafe and hold fun events like this one for Valentine's Day. If you haven't had their chocolate, you are really missing out! For more info on Chakra 4, visit their Facebook page: Chakra 4

Central Phoenix Seed Swap Feb 12th from 1 to 3 PM
Downtown Phoenix Public Market - inside the store by the front windows, 721 North Central Ave, Phoenix
For those of you interested in gardening, this is a great opportunity. Get seeds for free!! Even if you don't have seeds to share, you're invited to participate in this event.

Cibo Pizzeria - Regular hours on website
603 N. 5th Avenue Tel. 602-441-2697
Located in a charming downtown bungalow, Cibo serves deee-licious artisan pizzas, great salads and antipasto. I especially love that their crusts are not so bread-y they take away from the flavors on top. I've had several of their pizzas and have never been disappointed. And, I have to be honest. At this point in my life, I'm not so into the ultra dark spaces that are usually considered "romantic". Usually, for my husband and I - that's a recipe for falling asleep by dessert. This space has a nice ambience but enough energy and movement going on that you'll stay awake through dinner and maybe even make it through dessert! Their patio is lovely in a garden-like atmosphere usually sports outdoor heaters in cooler weather. If you're looking for reasonable prices, a casual atmosphere and delicious food to celebrate your love this weekend, Cibo's is a great pick.

Central Slope - This weekend!
8801 N. Central Ave (Central just south of Dunlap)
Since I'm on a roll with businesses beginning with C, here's another. Central Slope is a great, locally owned business that features locally made green goods. This is right up my alley. It's a wonderful place to find a locally made present for your loved one this weekend and features items for the home (think design) or the body - local jewelry or body care by Zaaina Skincare. Zaaina is offering a buy 1, get one 50% off this weekend. Also, if you spend $30 or more at Central Slope this weekend, you'll get a handmade designer jewelry set.

The Garage by Ivy / Juju's Tutu's and Invu Photography Valentine's Day Grand Opening
February 12 · 10:00am - 5:00pm
5202 N 7th Street
This weekend, visit the grand opening of the above shops' location. These are some seriously talented people! Here, you can find artistically designed floral arrangements (check out their website gallery!), incredibly cute girly tutus and a photographer to document the occasion (you need an appointment but you can always check them out first!), this is a great one-stop-shop. I happen to know one of the amazing women who run this shop - and can say you're also supporting at least one local mom.

All these businesses are locally owned AND feature items made by other local artists or business owners. Remember that when you spend money at a locally owned business rather than a big box store or chain restaurant, more of that money goes back into improving the health of Arizona's economy. If you can't make it this weekend - support them in the next few months!!

Besides, these are all great businesses and offer high quality food or services. Go out and meet your neighbors. It's going to be a beautiful weekend!

Global Village Construction Set

2011-02-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

Today, while checking out The Tiny Life blog, I ran across this video and wanted to share it with you. I love seeing what happens when people put their skills together to create something that can actually change the way the world works. These are pretty incredible creations - open source inventions of equipment with interchangeable parts - that can be used to create an entire village/community - or your back 40.

Global Village Construction Set in 2 Minutes from Open Source Ecology on Vimeo.

Rose Hip Syrup

2011-02-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

This morning, I finally made some rose hip syrup. I'd been putting it off because I have a million other things to do - like changing diapers, making meals, cleaning, changing diapers, washing dishes, playing princess and did I mention changing diapers?

But today, my four year old woke up with the look. You know the one. Slightly puffy eyes, flushed cheeks, chesty cough? Yep. That one. I ran a quick hand across her skin to confirm. Yes. A fever. So, I had to do what parents sometimes have to do - be the bad guy. This morning I was the bad guy because it's Sunday and she loves going to church to see her friends. Afterward, we usually have lunch with Grandma and Grandpa. But, not today. Boy, was she disappointed. But, I knew I'd made the right decision because she only sniffled for a moment, then crawled right back into bed and snuggled into her blankets.

I spent the rest of the morning making lemonade (fever reducer!), snacks she felt like eating (oatmeal and canteloupe), and toast. Of course, my littlest got a slightly different breakfast since she went to bed sporting signs of the Big "D". Oh bugger. They're both sick - and with completely different symptoms!

So, I grabbed my bag of rose hips, which are high in Vitamin C, and threw them in the pan to make some rose hips syrup. It's pretty easy to make. You just simmer 1/2 c dry rose hips in about 3 cups of water for 45 minutes, strain and add 1 c honey. Stir together and - it's done. I gave it to my four year old in little teaspoon doses. It's pretty strong so I might try putting it in her tea next.

Here's a pic of the syrup. I think mine is much darker than usual because I used a dark honey in it.

Rose hips (if you don't know) are simply the fruit of the rose bush. They look like little red (or purple) bulbs (here's a pic). If you have roses and find these pretty little fruits on them, take some time to read about how to use them. As long as you don't use chemicals on your rose bushes, they should be ok to eat. Just one more thing from your garden that can bring healing to your body.

Who knew the rose could be so useful?

Death by Superbowl?

2011-02-04T11:26:00.000-08:00

Today a local morning show posted the following statement/question on Facebook.

"Superbowl can be fun... but if your team loses doctors say it can be deadly. How stressed are you about the game and how will you keep your cool if the "wrong" team wins?"- Smart Family

After I (and several others) stopped laughing and responded with sarcasm about the obviously misplaced priorities that would make someone so upset they'd DIE if their team lost the Superbowl, I thought about the second question SF posted. "What do you do to handle stress in general?"

This is a little more up my alley because in the last few years, I have found that stress tends to affect me profoundly if I am not paying attention to it. We've all heard stress can cause all kinds of body ailments from headaches (listen migraine sufferers!), stomach to heart problems. It can also affect a woman's monthly cycle - causing ovulation to be delayed or just skipped that month. So, what can we do to minimize stress in our lives? Here are some of the things that I've found helpful.

1. Acknowledge, without judgment, you're feeling stressed. This is harder than you think. Americans in particular feel that we should be able to go and go and go without rest. After all, we have the technology to burn the candle at both ends and squeeze every drop out of our day. For some reason, it feels good to schedule every minute so full we don't have time to think or attend to the more spiritual aspects of ourselves.

2. Get off the crazy ride for a moment and STOP what you're doing. If you don't stop, you probably won't figure out what it is that's got you feeling like your heart is going to squeeze out the top of your throat (or what's making your head hurt etc). Give yourself the freedom to take time to rest your brain and then ask yourself, "Is everything in my schedule really necessary? Or can something slide?"

Just a note about scheduling life...When I was in my early twenties, I went to a seminar where author, Dr. Richard Swenson, gave a session on his book, Margin. The concept was simple. We tend to pack our days 100% full of activity, often barely giving ourselves enough time to race from one appointment to the next. Then, when something unexpected happens (as it usually does) or if a friend needs help, we melt down down because there's no margin in our schedule to handle it. His suggestion? Fill your schedule only 80% and give yourself room to handle the unexpected or to just enjoy life.

3. Purposely schedule time for yourself to just RELAX. I've done this for myself lately. In the afternoons, my two year old takes a nap and my four year old wants to play on the computer. So, I decided I would rest by reading - for a whole hour and a half. I felt kind of guilty the first few days but after a while, I really enjoyed it and found I had the energy to tackle some projects I had been too tired to approach previously. See? Resting can be PRODUCTIVE!

Here are some ways to actually use that relaxing time...

Take a bath. - I recently convinced a friend that a hot bath might help with her headaches. She told me today that she takes one every week now. Aside from being grateful that she's taking better care of her hygiene (haha!), I'm happy she's finding a way to just enjoy some time alone. She's one of the hardest working people I know. Now, if she can only keep her 3 year old from jumping in every time mom's taking a bath!

Go for a walk/run/hike. Exercise does more than keep our muscles and bones strong. It stimulates blood flow and energy throughout the body and lifts our spirits. Can't schedule an hour? Try going for ten minutes and take deep breaths as you go. You'll be surprised at the difference you feel in your spirit and body and I bet you'll be finding ways to stretch that ten minutes to twenty!

Speaking of deep breaths...Take some. Sit in a chair or lie down and take 5 slow, deep breaths while relaxing your whole body. You might even fall asleep.

Take a nap. I've noticed that when I'm tired, I don't handle stressful situations very well at all. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I often create them for myself. Do yourself (and everyone around you) a favor and get a good night's sleep or a nap during the day.

Pray or meditate. There are all kinds of studies that say prayer has inexplicably positive results in our physical lives. Try it. You might be surprised to get an answer.

Make new friends or visit the old. When we feel isolated, life's biggest challenges often seem - well, BIGGER. The laughter and balance that a good friend can bring is invaluable to bring perspective to those challenges. Find some people to laugh with and forget your troubles for a while. If you don't have many friends, take a yoga class, join a meetup group, find a church. There is someone out there who wants to have a friend just like you. Trust me, I know this - Mr. Rogers told me. Who knows, maybe your friend will have already been where you are.

Have SEX. Think you're too stressed to do it? Just make an effort, you might surprise yourself. Think of all the reasons you love your significant other. Or think of all the reasons you're doing it for you! Not enough? My husband keeps telling me that men who have sex three times a week live 15 years longer than those who don't. In fact, he informs me, it's part of elite athletes' healthcare regimens. Maybe he's a really good con man but can I afford to risk it?

Eat a piece (or two) of dark chocolate. We have all seen this in magazines right? Dark chocolate has amazing properties like lowering blood pressure and gifting us with antioxidants. But, that's not why I eat it. Eating chocolate just makes me happy. So there.

Well, that's all for today folks. What do you do to de-stress?

Apple Pie in a Pan

2011-02-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

Some of you saw my post on Facebook about this dish (I almost can't call it a recipe!). It's my lazy girl way of making pie because
1. I don't like to mess with pie crust with children around me in the kitchen. They always distract me either with cuteness or frequent requests and I invariably mess up some part of the recipe.
2. This has less carb/fat in it than pie - but it tastes DELICIOUS.

Even better, the overall cooking time is only a few minutes - maybe 6-10 - depending on how many apples you use. And, some of you may not like this - but it's not super exacting in measurements because it's meant to taste as sweet/spiced as YOU like it to taste. Be careful, this dish is addicting!

Finally, I'm posting this tonight as a favor to a friend - so no pics 'cause I'm not actually making it right now. Apparently, I'm feeling too lazy to even make a lazy dessert... haha! I'll try to add pics later.

Apple Pie in a Pan

Cooking time: As fast as you can cut up your apples + 6-10 minutes more

Apples - 1-1 1/2 per person - Any kind but I like to mix up Granny Smith with the sweeter apples like Fuji, Gala, Pink Lady etc.

Cinnamon or Pumpkin pie spice

Coconut oil or butter

chopped pecans (if you like!)

1 T. (or less) Sweetener of choice - maple syrup (the real kind!), brown sugar or honey (we use honey)

Equipment - Knife, Saute pan or wok

Instructions

1. Core and slice apples as thick or as thin as you like them (I like them 1/2-3/4 inch thick)

2. Heat a saute pan to medium heat and toast the pecans for just around a minute or so. They'll start to smell good. QUICK! Take them out before they burn.

3. Place the pan back on the heat and put just enough oil or butter in it to make it slippery - probably around 2 teaspoons. Just enough to keep the apples from sticking to the pan, not to fry them. A wok is better because you'll need less oil/butter.

4. Throw in your apples and saute them till they start to get kinda soft. Then, shake some pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon over them. If you're just making one or two apples, go light on the spice until you reach the flavor you like. Don't be afraid to taste an apple just to be sure.

5. When the apples are just shy of the consistency you want, add just a little sweetener and stir gently stir it until it melts into the apples. The idea is to keep the flavor of the apples intact and preserve the healthiness of the dish - not melt sugar all over it! If you use a sweet apple, you hardly need any!

Regarding cooking shape - I like my apples to be soft enough that when you stick a fork in 'em, it slides out easily but the apples keeps their shape.

6. Remove the apples from heat and top with pecans.

7. Eat

See? Lazy girl pie.

Count Your Blessings...

2011-02-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

This morning, I woke up thinking about counting my blessings. Here are a few of the little moments from the last few days that made me laugh....well, eventually if not at first

1. Overheard: My 4 1/2 year old playing in her room. "If you like the red purse, click here. For the blue purse, click here." Hmm....maybe time to cut down on computer time?

2. Seen & sensed: Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner when I realized the two year old who had been "finishing" a diaper present for me was now jumping on the couch - sans diaper. Yep. Imagine it, imagine it. Eew. That was what it was like.

3. My four year old has taken to reading to her little sister. She knows her books so well, she can recite the stories with great animation. Right now, she says she's going to be a storyteller and a scientist when she grows up. Hmmm...interesting combination.

4. This morning, my four year old asked, "Mom, how do mermaids go to the bathroom?" I said it was the secret of the mermaids...

5. Every morning, my girls (who sleep together) wake up and greet each other so sweetly. "Good morning sissy!" "Good morning!" They usually end up hugging and snuggling for a while. Then, my two year old will say, "I love you so so SO much, Sissy!" Now I just have to remember that moment when they're fighting over some little toy later!

See, if you've not had to mess with number two this week (haha! see how I did that?), consider yourself in good shape.

What little moments are reminding you to be thankful for this day?

Organic Mama Book Review - Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover

2011-01-31T08:33:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, probably the best present Robert and I received was from his Uncle Sam. Don't laugh - it's a book about money. Specifically, Dave Ramsey's book, The Total Money Makeover. I'd heard of Dave Ramsey before but hadn't ever listened to him. I'd heard he was pretty hard core about his financial guidelines but reading the book, we realized we already follow most of his plan.

What words come to mind when you think about your money? Are you - Excited, confident or secure? Or do you feel fearful, anxious, defensive or angry? I'm not going to lie. Though we pay cash for everything - no credit cards, there have definitely been times that I didn't really want to know the balance in my account. Unfortunately, we can't escape money in our present culture.We need it to live. So, what if instead of feeling afraid or unsure of ourselves when we think about how our actual net worth, we could know exactly where we are and where we're going? If that's what you're looking for, this book is for you. We loved it.

If you can't afford to buy it - guess what? It's available at the Phoenix Public Library - and I'd venture to guess it's in the local library of whatever town you call home. But, in the meantime, here are some of the highlights of the book.

In "The Total Money Makeover", Ramsey reminds his readers that if they are willing to "Live Like No One Else, Later They Will Live Like No One Else". Meaning - if you're willing to be a little (or a lot!) frugal now, you'll find you have so much more to spend later down the road whether it's for vacations or homes or for your kids' college education. Dave explains that, as with excess weight, most of the problems people have have with money aren't due to lack of knowledge but force of (bad) habit.

I love that Mr. Ramsey is honest about where he gets his ideas. He makes no claim to having created some kind of new system. In fact, he credits our depression-era grandparents for his plan, which includes the following novel ideas (for our society).

1. Save an emergency fund. If you have one of these, you won't be tempted to spend on a credit card when crisis hits.
2. Don't use credit cards. If you can't afford to buy it with cash, you probably don't need it. And, if you have an emergency fund, you don't need them in emergency.
3. Pay off the debt you incurred rather than choosing bankruptcy or foreclosure. In the long run, he encourages you that it IS possible to pay off the debt and be free from that burden.
4. Contribute to your own retirement. It's no secret that Social Security won't fully fund all the living expenses of old age.
5. Pay off your house and invest the money you're now free to use each month!

If these ideas sound crazy or out of reach in our culture, be encouraged. Not only are they possible, these are the ways our grand or great-grandparents survived what they called the Great Depression. They didn't survive it by spending money they didn't have to create an artificial "consumer confidence" index. They grew their own food, used and reused the same things over and over (original recycling), mended their clothes (and sheets) instead of tossing them and bartered or traded for things they needed. My grandparents definitely lived this way and I picked up a lot of their frugal habits from my parents, who also used them. Though, Robert did draw the line when he discovered I was saving old bread bags. Maybe a little extreme...hahaha!

The truth is, so many people in our culture are slaves to their credit card bills, to inflated mortgages and insecure natures that require them to try to keep up with the Jones'. Robert and I have never wanted to be stuck in that rut. As Dave says, the Jones' may not have enough to live like they're living either. Where Robert and I have fallen down on the job is in the area of savings. Since reading the book, we've decided to take on extra work that will allow us to have the margin we need to create more emergency and retirement savings.

While these are some of the basic ideas of this book, it's worth buying or borrowing. Taking the time to read this and commit to the plan Dave outlines will give you the time to shift your mind into a new way of looking at money.

Since this is such an important topic to us, we'll be exploring different ways to save money and use it wisely over the next few months.

Have any of you read this book? What have your experiences with saving money or getting out of debt been?

Why I Like Funerals...

2011-01-28T08:30:00.000-08:00

This morning, I'll be singing at the third memorial service I've attended in as many weeks. Some people might consider this depressing. But the truth is - I have a special place in my heart for singing at memorials. Maybe it's because I've attended a lot of memorials for people in my immediate family. It meant a lot to have friends around us at that time. I always pray my song and presence will do the same for family and friends who are grieving their loss.

Taking time to go to a memorial sends a strong message of love and support for those left behind. When a person you love dies, time seems to stand still for you while you try to come to terms with their being gone from your life. Sometimes you feel like life just goes on around you. When my mom, dad and brother died, it meant so much to me to see the people who cared enough to stop what they were doing to support us at a memorial in a time when we felt orphaned by our loss. People took time off work, family members drove for several days - to offer us love, strength and encouragement when we needed it.

Memorials can be times of healing and even laughter. In the midst of commemorating a person's life, we tend to remember the best of that person. Sometimes we choose to forgive wrongs we never righted while the person was alive. At memorials, we find humor lightens our hearts as we laugh over funny memories. Sometimes we learn something interesting or new about the person who died.

Most funerals and memorials aren't depressing experiences in the general sense. They do tend to remind us of our mortality. They remind us that we are connected to each other in a powerful way in the sense that though we may travel through this life together, we'll all face that moment of death - alone. Solidarity from others in the moments after a friend dies gives us hope that we too will be missed.

At memorials, as I sit quietly listening to the stories of the one who has moved past this physical plane of existence...I remember the importance of living life fully - now. I sing at all kinds of memorials. Some, thankfully, are for very old people - who've lived amazing, full lives. Some are for those who are not much older than me. Regretfully, some are for even younger people. None of us know the hour or the day we will be called beyond this life. A memorial tends to magnify the value of the present and remind us to make the most of this moment.

Memorials make my heart swell with gratitude for all the blessings in my life. I go home resolved to be more aware in every minute I am fortunate to be alive. I go home, infinitely thankful for the love of my life and my children. I go home determined to be the best version of myself - both for myself and my loved ones.

Of course, you don't have to go to a memorial to feel grateful for your blessings or to resolve to let gratitude guide your choices. Why not take a moment now and think of all the gifts in your life? What will you choose to do with this moment?

Zucchini/Apple/Carrot Oat Muffins (or, how to sneak veggies into your kids' treats!)

2011-01-25T12:59:00.000-08:00

This recipe is a compilation of several muffin recipes I researched. But, I didn't love any of them exclusively. So, I created something different. The results are a nutty, fiber filled and delicious muffin (Yes - you can have both!). I do use butter, not nasty canola oil. It just tastes better. However, in a pinch, you could use coconut oil. Also, as we've discussed before on this blog, when making muffins, keep the following tips in mind.

1. Start with room temp ingredients - eggs, melted butter. The best way to do this is just take them out as your start measuring so they're ready when you need them.

2. Measure dry and wet ingredients separately and make sure they're well mixed before you put them together. Then, just barely fold them together so you don't end up with tough muffs!

3. Grease your muffin tins BEFORE you start making the muffins. Once the wet and dry ingredients are combined, they need to go straight into your preheated oven.

Zucchini Apple Carrot Oat Muffins

Makes 12-14 good sized muffins - or, you can also use 2 med sized loaf pans (I ran out of muffin tins)

Ingredients

Wet ingredients

2 eggs, beaten

1/2 cup melted butter

1 1/3 cup brown sugar

1 t. vanilla (optional)

Dry ingredients
1 1/2 c. barley flour
1 1/2 oat flour
1 T. ground flax seed
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 t. salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1 c. chopped pecans (or walnuts, I just like pecans better)
1 c. shredded apples
1 c. shredded zucchini (squeeze out a little of the moisture or your muffins might be too wet)
1 c. shredded carrots

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Melt 1/2 c butter and set aside to cool

3. Measure and stir together all dry ingredients except shredded stuff.

4. After stirring together all the dry ingredients thoroughly, add the shredded fruit/veggies and completely coat with flour mixture. I find they mix with wet ingredients better this way - no clumping.

5. Whisk two eggs in wet bowl and blend with sugar, butter & vanilla.

6. Pour the wet mixture into the dry ingredients and gently stir minimally to combine.

7. Spoon batter into prepared muffin tins and bake 25-30 minutes.

These taste great hot out of the oven. Just try to leave a few for the kids!!

Is Arizona's Political Climate Really Getting Worse? A History-based Response to the Backlash Surrounding Congresswoman Giffords' Shooting

2011-01-17T13:47:00.000-08:00

After the shooting of Congresswoman Giffords and many of those attending her town meeting on January 8, 2011, we heard voices saying the current political climate in Arizona has reached a pitch unheard of in days past. One friend said she missed the Arizona of her youth. Similar comments, like those of Sheriff Dupnik and other political commentators, seem to conjure a nostalgic view of our past. But, I disagree with the idea that Arizona is seeing more extreme political language and violence than it did previously. In fact, history bears out the idea that what we saw last week is nothing new and that our country and our state have long struggled with issues of violent political language and racial strife.

One of the reasons we sometimes have this nostalgic feeling that things used to be better is that many voices within our own society were silent (or silenced) until the last century.

Pima County's Sheriff seems to hold a rather uninformed nostalgic view. In his own words, "The anger, the hatred, the bigotry that goes on in this country is getting to be outrageous. And, unfortunately, Arizona I think has become sort of the capital. We have become the Mecca for prejudice and bigotry."1 Sheriff Dupnik is in his 70's so he should remember there have been some vitriolic controversies filled with bigotry and hatred in our country and our state since our earliest history.

We haven't left some kind dreamy American wonderland where everyone got along a lot better in the past and people behaved better "way back then". Several college friends of mine (who should know better based on their education) have voiced this complaint lately and it sticks in my craw. If you're one of them, this is for you.

For those of us too young to actually remember the events of the 1950's and 1960's, today is the perfect day to remember Martin Luther King Jr., a leader who encouraged non-violent, civil disobedience to bring attention to the injustices suffered by African Americans in this country and win for them equal rights. Older friends of mine who lived in the South during the Civil Rights movement remember "Colored bathrooms" signs as well as the darker elements of those times.

My pre-college MLK education was either slim or slanted against honoring Dr. King as a champion of rights. I do remember the controversy in Arizona over honoring MLK day though I was only 12 when it started. Then Governor Evan Mecham said, "I guess King did a lot for the colored people (emphasis mine), but I don't think he deserves a national holiday." Even after that comment, a referendum for the holiday failed. As a result, we lost the honor of hosting Super Bowl XXVII.2 In 1992, Arizonans finally voted in favor of an MLK holiday. Not exactly a more "civil" time in our history.

If those dates seem like ancient history to you, think of a meaningful event in your life - death, miscarriage, divorce, etc in the last ten years - and tell me if you're over it yet. Then, pretend for a moment that you are a person of color - enslaved, spit on, ignored, verbally, physically or sexually abused because you're not a "real" person - and tell me how long it would take for you to get over that.

Some of you may be annoyed ("That was so long ago, Monna!") that I'm bringing up the past and including it as part of what's going on now -but, remember in the overall view of history, it hasn't been that long. It's been only 150 years since the Civil War - when brother fought brother over the passions that started the conflict. It's been only 91 years since woman gained the vote. And, despite the passage of the Fifteenth Amendment in 1869, many minority groups were denied the right to vote either by local law or intimidation until well into the late 1900's.

Returning to a local perspective, the earlier days of Arizona history were not marked by peaceful coexistence with people of non-European descent either. From segregated schools to the persecution of Japanese farmers, Arizona - like many other places in the United States, had its share of racist and violent language and behavior.

In the early 1900's African American and Mexican students were frequently kept from attending schools with white students. Multiple lawsuits, including Gonzales vs. Sheely and one by African American Samuel F. Bayless challenged practices that kept students of Latino and African American descent from attending school with white children. The final 1954 Brown vs. Board of Education decision declared that the concept 'separate but equal' had no place in education.3

Families of African American or Mexican descent were not the only groups targeted by intolerant whites in recent Arizona history. In the 1930's, white farmers protested the presence of Japanese farmers who'd managed to avoid obeying the anti-Japanese Alien Land Law and deed land to their Nisei children. Action against the Japanese farmers started with 1500 white farmers demonstrating through Phoenix with anti-Asian banners and progressed to dynamite attacks on Japanese homes and drive by shootings of the Japanese and their families.4 Thankfully, the farmers weren't very good shots and no one died.

If anything, in Arizona's current political climate more voices are allowed to participate in the conversation and it's creating a lot of noise. Women not only vote in elections, they are Congresswomen, Senators, Governors, the United States Secretary of Homeland Security and hopefully, someday - President. Native Americans and Mexicans, who existed here prior to our European ancestors but were not technologically advanced enough to push them out - were subdued, enslaved and even killed, along with the African Americans who came with the Europeans to this "new world". Those "troublesome" folks (sarcasm here) have gained their voice and are now allowed to be part of the conversation. Could it be that the same racist attitudes that motivated our ancestors to silence the voices of color in the past - now motivates those who wish they'd just go away?

Those who reminisce about the good old days of their peaceful youth in Arizona may really be remembering a day when there weren't as many voice permitted to speak. The lack of loud disagreement, created by repression, can sometimes create the illusion of peace. Clearly, this is an uninformed view of Arizona's past. So, recent shooting aside and considering the more inclusive nature of our current political conversation, contrary to the view that Arizona's political climate has suddenly become filled with hate and violence, it's possible we're actually making progress.

Copyright (c) 2011

1 Shafer, Jack. "In Defense of Inflamed Rhetoric." Slate, January 9, 2011. http://www.slate.com/id/2280616/

2 Tapper, Jake. "The Complicated History of John McCain and MLK Day". ABC New, January 10, 2011. http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/04/the-complicated.html

3 Robert V. Hine and John Mack Faragher, The American West: A New Interpretive History (New Haven & London: Yale University Press, 2000), 394.

4 Goddard, Terry."The Promise of Brown v. Board of Education A Monograph." January 13, 2011. http://www.azag.gov/civil_rights/Brown%20v%20Board%20Monograph.pdf

Response from a Native Arizonan to the January 2011 Tucson Shooting

2011-01-17T13:11:00.000-08:00

The January 8, 2011 shooting of 19 people and the death of 6 at Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords' "Congress on Your Corner" event united Arizonans and Americans in mourning last week. Unfortunately, for some - misplaced anger and ignorance also characterized this last week. Anger, apparent via some serious finger pointing, rose in the hours immediately following the shooting.

Anger has defined my own response - as I witnessed people with no real understanding of American or Arizona history - make statements about the current political climate and alleged shooter Loughner's motives. Last week, I was too grief-stricken and angry to write about this. This week, I am ready to share my own thoughts on this horrible event and the real history of politics in Arizona and our country.

After the shooting, we heard the usual statements of condolence, promised justice and solidarity made by politicians to the families and community affected by the shooting. But, almost before we could absorb what had happened, news outlets, politicians, bloggers and pundits began making accusations about the "vitriolic" nature of the Arizona political climate that no doubt led to alleged shooter's, Jared Lee Loughner, choice to open fire on an innocent crowd of people. Reporters, whose job it is to report on the most extreme aspects of our society, couldn't wait to talk about what a terrible political climate exists in Arizona and share that they just knew this was going to happen.1,2,3 Yet, there were still some legitimate responses from news outlets, trying to report the news fairly. 4

Additionally, instead of investigating the shooting with dispassionate professionalism, Pima County Sheriff Dupnik immediately voiced his opinion that the shooter was influenced by extreme political language - before he'd even investigated the young man.5 Sheriff Dupnik was/is apparently friends with some of the victims and was understandably upset by the shootings. Nonetheless, when he'd had time to cool down, he still spouted the same blaming rhetoric about talk show radio hosts and Arizona's climate of hatred and bigotry.6

While I am not naive enough to believe that law enforcement professionals always perform their roles in a manner unbiased by their own personal opinions and beliefs, I do think they should at least pretend they're not letting those opinions cloud their investigations.

I am no stranger to the concept that "if it bleeds, it leads" (in the news). All my PoliSci buddies heard it with me in classes till it oozed out our ears. I understand the tendency of politicians to couch every hot issue in the most extreme terms. After all, extreme terms are what catalyze voters on both sides of the political aisle to move to the voting booth. However, understanding these things doesn't mean I have to like it. Also, it doesn't mean those of us who don't use extreme language to define ourselves or our beliefs should stay silent on issues that are important to understanding this event and the real nature and state of American and Arizona politics.

As a rule, I haven't really written about political topics on this blog. And, I'm not sure that I'm about to start doing it regularly. It's not my desire to become a political blogger or try to convince you that my way is the only way. It is, however, always my intention to be a voice of reason and to provide a space where we can discuss those topics about which we are passionate about in a respectful, informed and thoughtful manner.

So, over the next few days, I'll be sharing some of the things that have been on my mind with regard to the shooting and the history of American politics in general. Yes, my major was History and my minor Political Science - so I am passionate about these things! I hope that you will take a little time to read, to comment and to think about the choices that you make daily which make define the kind of Arizona or America we'll pass on to our kids.

In the end, if those of us who are reasonable - sit back and say nothing - we can only blame ourselves when life (or our society) takes a direction we do not like.

As always, I love hearing your opinion. However, in the spirit of respectful discussion, please keep your comments and responses informed and courteous.

For a historic perspective on whether Arizona's political climate is really getting more heated, click here.

Copyright (c) 2011

Sources/Examples:
1 Dick, Jason."Wild West's Violent Ethos Deeply Ingrained in Arizona's Gun Culture." National Journal, January 12, 2011. http://nationaljournal.com/member/wild-west-s-violent-ethos-deeply-ingrained-in-arizona-s-gun-culture-20110110

2 Krugman, Paul. "Assassination Attempt in Arizona." The New York Times, January 14, 2011. http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/08/assassination-attempt-in-arizona/?ref=politics

3 Newton, Casey. "Some Thoughts On Arizona." Crumbler, January 10, 2011. http://crumbler.tumblr.com/post/2677943230/some-thoughts-on-arizona

4 Picket, Kerry. "Liberals blast Palin and 'rhetoric' following AZ shooting." The Washington Times, January 13, 2011. http://www.washingtontimes.com/blog/watercooler/2011/jan/8/liberals-blast-palin-and-rhetoric-following-az-sho/

5 Dupnik, Clarence. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVOCPO_a_MI, the comments made on that page about Sheriff Dupnik are not necessarily my opinions but it was a good video of the Sheriff's own words.

6 Netter, Sarah. "Arizona Sheriff Blasts Rush Limbaugh for Spewing 'Irresponsible' Vitriol." ABC World News, January 13, 2011. http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/arizona-sheriff-blasts-rush-limbaugh-spewing-irresponsible-vitriol/story?id=12583285

Dairy-free, Barley-Oat Pecan Pancakes with Homemade Applesauce

2011-01-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

This morning, my husband was home for breakfast. So, we celebrated with a rare treat, delicious Barley Oat Pancakes with Homemade Applesauce. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know by now that I don't buy many pre-made packaged products and this is no exception. But, that doesn't mean it has to be difficult.

I don't usually like pancakes - simply because only 1 leaves me feeling full and kind of sluggish for the rest of the day. This recipe is a nice alternative. The dairy-free version tastes lighter and has a better flavor overall.

The original recipe appears on the back of the Arrowhead Mills Barley flour package. But, I made a few changes to include almond milk, remove oil (since you're cooking with oil anyway) and add pecans. Barley flour and oat flour are available in most health food stores. However, you don't have to buy oat flour. If you have rolled oats at home, just whiz them around in a food processor till they are flour-like. And - presto! Oat flour. You can also use less honey or leave it out since you'll probably be putting something sweet on top of the cakes anyway, like my homemade applesauce - which you can find here.

Enjoy!

Dairy-free Barley Pancakes

Serves 8-10

Ingredients

1 c. Barley flour

1 c. Oat flour

1 T. aluminum free baking powder

1 t. fine sea salt

1 c. chopped pecans

2 T. Honey (optional)

2 eggs or 1/2 c. egg substitute*

1 3/4 c. almond milk

2 t. vanilla extract

Instructions

1. Mix together dry ingredients and whisk thoroughly

2. Whisk eggs and mix with other wet ingredients

3. Gently fold wet ingredients into the dry.

4. Cook pancakes by 1/2 cup fulls on a lightly oiled skillet or griddle on medium heat. On my electric stove, that's somewhere between 4-6. If you're doubling this recipe, a griddle would be a great choice. It really shortens cooking times.

Here's the secret to good pancakes.

Make sure your pan is good and hot before you start cooking your pancakes.

Pour the batter in the pan. When the surface of the pancake begins to show bubbles, flip the pancake. After you flip the cake, it'll be done very quickly so keep an eye out.

If your first pancake burns, just turn down the heat for the next one. The first one's usually experimental anyway.

Also - once I start cooking the pancakes, I only oil the pan if it dries out and the cakes seem they might stick.

**Egg substitute - 2 T. ground flax seed in 1/2 c. water. Mix it when you start measuring ingredients so it has time to get squishy like eggs.

Wicked Witch's Homemade Applesauce

2011-01-14T10:35:00.000-08:00

Once, when my oldest was about 2 1/2, she came into the kitchen and asked for an apple. Pleased she wanted such a wholesome treat, I gave her one - even though it was bedtime. She took one bite and slumped to the floor dramatically. Then, she looked up at me out of the corner of her eye and in a theatric whisper said, "It was poisoned!" Apparently, I was playing the role of the wicked witch! Thus began our family's obsession with drama - and with all things apple. After all, if it's in a fairy tale...!

Today, I'll share with you our easy recipe for homemade applesauce. In fact, this recipe is so easy, it's almost not a recipe. I made these to go with our pancakes today but they're just as good by themselves. Just a note - apples tend to cook down quite a bit since they have so much water in them - so you can add more if you're cooking for a crowd. This is the kind of recipe that you can adjust without messing it up too much!

Applesauce

Ingredients

5-6 good sized apples - I like to mix sweet and sour apples like Gala, Honeycrisp or Fuji with Granny Smith

1 c. water

juice of 1/2 lemon - optional if you're not canning your sauce - but it does balance out the flavors

1/2 c sweetener to taste - like honey or brown sugar

Instructions

1. Core and chop apples to desired size. We like chunky applesauce and we don't remove the peels. More fiber! If you like smoother applesauce, core and quarter your apples and then pulse them in the food processor. Remember they'll get squishier as they cook so they don't have to be perfect.

2. Toss apples in pan with the water and lemon juice and set to medium-high heat.

3. Once the ingredients start warming up nicely, turn heat down to medium.

4. Keep an eye on your apples and stir regularly while they're cooking or they will burn.

5. After they get close to your desired texture, remove a bite of apple from the pan, cool and taste it.

6. If you want to add sweetener, do so now - only 1/4 c. at a time.

7. Let apples mix with the sweetener and taste again. Chances are you won't need much sugar since they're so sweet on their own.

Tada - Homemade applesauce!

A Sense of Belonging

2011-01-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, we went to Rob's cousin's house for New Year's Day and had a wonderful time. I love both sides of Robert's family because they are all lovely people - but this side of his family reminds me a little more of mine. They are just sort of "down home" people, you know? Warm and welcoming, give-you-the-shirt-off-their backs kinda people - the kind I hope my girls grow up and emulate.

I think because my own mom and dad are gone, I am even more grateful for family connections like these ones. And, while we were there I got to spend some time with Aunt Pat. I've loved Aunt Pat since the first day we spoke. When we met, I felt I'd found a rare kindred spirit - and and it's my good fortune that she loves me right back!

While we caught up, she told me that she recently mentioned me to someone who doesn't know me and said, "I wish you knew my Monna. She is a wonderful mom and does a great job loving her kids and having fun with them."

On some occasions we receive genuine words of love and kindness that reach straight into our hearts. This was one of those occasions. Something about that possessive, "my Monna" left a lump in my throat. I batted back some tears so I could maintain some sense of self possession while we finished talking. But when I got to the car and told my husband about it I found tears streaming down my face.

It's really rare for me to hear compliments like this these days without my mom around to give them. I felt loved - and reassured of my mothering value. My confidence had taken a plunge in December with the crazy schedule, excess amounts of sugar and sleep deprived kids who were way less responsive than usual. Even more than the boost of confidence, Pat's words left me feeling that I belong to my chosen family. That is a good feeling.

The little exchange got me to thinking. When was the last time my words gave someone else a sense of belonging? A real genuine word of encouragement - that reminds someone they are good at what they have chosen as their life's work? Today, I'm going to find someone who needs a word like that and pass on a little of the love I've received...

Blessings.

Steel Cut Oats - Delicious and Easier Than You Think!

2011-01-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

We're on a porridge kick at our house lately. When I say porridge, I mean steel cut oats, of course. As a young girl, I had my share of the rolled oats version of oatmeal and always found it rather lacking. The texture of the oats was closer akin to slime than a nutty oat and I always had the feeling I was eating slugs for breakfast. (What can I say, I was imaginative even as a youngster!).

Not having true slimey ogre-ish tastes (we've seen Shrek about a BILLION times at our house), when I decided to use oats to save money and feed my family something nourishing, I chose the non-slug version of oatmeal. Steel cut oats. Now, I reserve rolled oats for cookies and fruit crisps (a rarity at my house but I dream of getting around to that!).

Steel cut oats are nutty & creamy, warm and fill up your tummy! Not only that, they're filled with all kinds of great nutrients like fiber, calcium, Vit-B complex (happy vitamin), magnesium, folate and potassium. We always add a dash of sea salt and a bit of fat - like a dab of butter or some milk. I know choosing to eat saturated fats flies in the face of some current ideas of health. However, the women in our family are (usually) amazingly long lived and they always ate real food like butter, raw milk, eggs, meat etc. A little bit of healthy fat like butter or coconut oil early in the day will give you a surprising boost of energy and keep you feeling full till lunch.

But, where to buy steel cut oats? McCann's Irish Oats may look cool on the shelf but they are pricey so I started buying Trader Joe's Organic Steel Cut Oats. Then I discovered that I could buy them in bulk from my local Whole Foods. They're still organic but even more affordable that TJ's (though I remain a loyal fan!). I suspect if you shop at Sprouts or Sunflower markets, you can find oats in their bulk section too. Just give them a sniff because if they don't sell a lot of them, the oats tend go rancid. Nothing will ruin your first oat experience like a bowl of rancid oats!

The thing that probably keeps most people from eating steel cut oats is the cooking time. We all have places to go in the morning and no one wants to sit around waiting 30 minutes for their oats to cook!
Thankfully, it doesn't have to take all morning & once you've cooked them, you can keep them in the fridge for several days and just heat them in the morning!. Here's another option that reduces the cooking time significantly.

Steel Cut Oats

3 cups filtered water

1 cup oats

Butter or coconut oil or cream

Dash of sea salt

Toppings as desired like -

apple

cranberries

raisins

pecans, walnuts, slivered walnuts

blueberries, raspberries, strawberries etc

cinnamon

1. The night before...Place 1 c oats in 3 cups water and soak overnight.

2. Bring to a boil in the morning while you're nursing your first cup of coffee and cook for ten minutes.

3. Dish into serving bowls

4. Add a dab of butter or coconut or real cream (NO non-dairy creamer please!)

5. Add a dash of sea salt (this is optional but our family likes our porridge with salt vs. sugar.)

6. Add toppings if desired

7. Enjoy!

the hawk

2011-01-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

this morning
returning from that sacred time
alone
on the trail
where i remember who i really am

i spotted a hawk
high in the pine tree
above my home
and stopped

for a moment
time seemed to flow
as gently as the wind
caressing the highest branch
that rocked the bird

and i forgot i was on the ground

no

it was i
who sat motionless
far above the details
with a clear view of the day
who spread strong wings
and left the safety of the tree

to soar

See, They Really Are Listening!

2011-01-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

When you're parenting preschoolers, you often feel like a broken record playing the same phrases over and over. For example....

"It's never ok to hit your sister. She is always more important than a toy."

"Please put your shoes on NOW!" (after three requests!)

"Please do not leave your shoes on the floor." (I've stopped counting)

"Girls, please put your toys down. We need to leave now or we will be late." (um, every time we need to go somewhere - no matter how early I started prepping)

"No, we're not buying a toy just because we're in a store that has them."

(Note to self - Stop being so picky all the time!)

Maybe it's just me but everything with preschoolers seems infinitely slow - like herding cats. And, I really do wonder if anything I say penetrates the space in their consciousness so fully occupied with imagination - princes and princesses, horses, Star Wars (yup, they like that too!) and Barbies.

This weekend, I got confirmation that my oldest has been listening. I felt gratified and not a little amazed.

Lately, after my youngest crashes out (no drifting for her, she runs till she falls over!), my 4 year old and I have been cuddling close - giggling and having a delightful time together. I almost feel like a kid myself staying up past bedtime with her and she clearly loves it.

So, there we were - snuggling and giggling when she asked me to tell her the story of her birth. So, I proceeded to tell her the story in detail, including the part about how it was in a hospital, it was really long (over 28 hours!) and how the doctor offered me Pitocin, a drug that stimulates labor. She interrupted me to ask, "But, mom, you didn't take the drugs did you?" After all, she is Organic Mama's daughter.

At our house, we frequently talk with our kids about how food and herbs do a lot to keep us healthy and that more focused medicines like prescrips should only be a last resort. The conversations started over food and extended to prescription drugs because my girls kept seeing CVS and Walgreens and wanted to know if they were Trader Joe's. It opened up the opportunity to talk about drugs - both prescription and non - with my kids.

So, you can imagine I was a little taken back by her question. I paused for a moment before saying, "Yes. I did sweetie."

Oh the depth of disappointment and shame (for me!) she infused into her short response! She dramatically shook her head and lay it on my arm as she said, "Oh no, Mom."

I stifled a chuckle. But inside, even as I told her that I've learned a lot since then - and finished my story, I felt the warmth of encouragement. There may be days I feel like my words are bouncing off the insides of my house, but I know that some of them are finding their way straight into my daughters minds and their hearts. I bet it's the same at your house...

(second note to self - stop being so hard on me!)

p.s. you can read my oldest's hospital birth story here...and my youngest's homebirth here.

Organic Mama Reads: Children's Book Reviews

2011-01-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since we had a book review. Of course, we've not stopped reading at our house. If I try to go a night without a story or 2 books (one for each girl - and sometimes more), I hear about it. And, truthfully, relaxing with my kids and some funny little books is one of the best parts of my day! Here are a few of the recent books we've read.

The Chimpanzees of Happytown - Giles Andreae & Guy Parker-Rees
What I loved best about this book was the colorful illustrations and the rhythm of the text. This is a book in rhyme about a Chimpanzee named Chutney who comes home to his town, Drabsville, USA. While everyone else is used to the dreary gray architecture and dreary day in an out of an unimaginative life, Chutney changes everything by planting a tree washed in color. At first, he gets in trouble but eventually wins everyone over, one by one. The end of the book seemed a little preachy as Chutney lectures the former mayor (who liked his world dreary) about how Chutney's way of life is better. But overall it was a good read. My kids loved it.

Quiet in the Garden - Aliki
This story centers on a little boy who loves to sit quietly in his garden and observe everything growing and moving in it. He hears the little creatures of the garden talking to each other and in the end, they all share a picnic, using food grown in his garden. I love the idea of teaching children to be still and observe all that is around them in the outdoors - finding treasures in the natural world. Incidentally, the illustrations are beautiful - and somehow - quieting. A great book for just before bedtime. Thumbs up from my girls too.
The Hair of Zoe Fleefenbacher Goes to School - Laurie Halse Anderson & Ard Hoyt
I don't know what it is about hair books but we keep running into them. And, maybe because both my children are girls, they LOVE them. In this story, Zoe Fleefenbacher has a ton of fabulous red hair with a mind of it's own. Instead of just sitting quietly on her head, it tends to get into everything around it in a rather incredible way. While her kindergarten teacher didn't mind Zoe's wild hair, her new first grade teacher insists that "School has rules".

Unfortunately, Zoe has very little control over her unruly hair. After a series of mishaps, Zoe and her hair finally convince her teacher that after all, this crazy hair is useful and helpful! Personally, I think the whole "hair with a mind of it's own" thing is a little creepy. But my daughters, particularly my two year old, loved this book. My smallest keeps asking, "Can we read Zoe Fleefenbachie, mommy?" I may have to buy it.

Jack and the Dreamsack - by Lawrence Anholt, Illustrated by Ross Collins
Jack is a curious little boy who thinks it's a real bummer he can't remember his dreams in the morning. So, he tries to capture them by placing them in a sack during the night. He has some fun and typically bizarre dreams during his midnight adventure, collecting all he sees. Will he have anything left in the morning? Guess you'll have to read it to find out!

That's it for today. Go read a book with your little people!!

A Little Mother's Wisdom about the Magic of Herbs to Maintain Health

2010-12-29T15:15:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've posted a few herbal remedies our family uses to maintain or recover good health. You can read one here. Of course, as I moved around town during the holiday season, talking to this person and that about being sick, I found myself faced over and over with the same thing. It's not necessarily profound, but it's worth saying.

Taking time to care for our bodies is something we're not good at in our culture. Sure, we love to stay in shape, taking time to run, walk, bike, lift weights etc. But when it comes to illness that requires rest, Americans tend to just drink some caffeine and keep going.

Which leads us to one of the biggest mistakes we make when cold & flu season hits. Instead of taking a moment to slow down when we feel the first hint of funkiness (usually that stage where we wonder, "Am I getting sick or am I just tired?"), we shoot some caffeine and keep going. I've said this before but it's worth repeating.

Contrary to current popular belief, wandering around feeling like crap, trying to prove you're superman (or woman) - and likely infecting everyone you're in contact with is not 'Fighting the flu, cold, etc.' It's just giving whatever nasty bug you have more time for a big windup that will likely knock you down for the count.

This brings me to part of the blessing of using herbs and food to maintain health. In a culture where we expect to pop a pill to cure us (which doesn't work for a lot of things), using herbs (or even food) to heal what ails us requires that we stop and really listen to our bodies (and sometimes our minds/hearts) to figure out what's going on inside of us. We get sick for all kinds of reasons - but tired, stressed and overworked immune systems (and spirits) are always more vulnerable to illness. Making that cup of tea or smoothie & resting takes mere moments more than glugging some Imodium. But taking that time will build your immune system and provide real healing rather than just mask the symptoms till you're so worn out you crash.

Using herbs doesn't guarantee you'll never get sick. We do our best to create health with a reasonable diet, exercise and herbs. Sometimes, crazy schedules and kid germs just get the best of us. But, rest, herbs, exercise and good food usually means illness visits us only briefly. Which is good because I have lots to do this season, and I don't have time for that. I bet you don't either.

Fast and Gentle Remedies for the Big "D" - Part 2

2010-12-29T14:57:00.000-08:00

Once you've passed the clear liquid stage of fighting the Big "D", you might feel like you can eat a large animal - bovine or equine. Please refrain from anything so drastic and try these instead. These are some great foods that have medicinal properties when it comes to diarrhea.

Applesauce
What discussion about healthy bowels would be complete without apple? It's really true that an apple a day keeps the doc away. This fruit is amazing because it contains pectin & fiber. So, it basically balances out the bowels, no matter what the problem. Plus it's one of the few things that most kids love to eat - no matter how sick they feel. To quote my Uncle Sam, "How 'bout them apples?"

Yogurt
I used to avoid dairy completely during bouts of stomach ick. But, last year, I ran across some advice from a wise woman to use it anyway because of the pro-biotic properties. True, you can just buy pro-biotics - but I used yogurt with my girls and it worked fast. They were not sick nearly as long as their friends. So, I'm a convert. Just be sure it's plain yogurt. You can always flavor it yourself with blackberry jam or some raw honey (are you getting that we love raw honey yet?)

Blueberries
Blueberries are traditionally used to ease diarrhea naturally. They're great thrown into a thin smoothie - with coconut milk or yogurt and a banana.

Bananas
A good source of the potassium needed to battle dehydration, bananas also provide energy and starch, which can slow things down in the downstairs department, if you know what I mean. If you've ever had a kid with constipation, you know not to give him or her more than one banana a day. Just apply that same philosophy the other direction. Now you're thinking!

Coconut milk
While I usually agree that high fat food should be avoided during a bought of diarrhea, coconut milk is the exception. Coconut milk is like magic food. Its anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-viral, anti-microbial properties are perfect for this kind of illness. Additionally, coconut milk will replenish nutrients lost to diarrhea like potassium and electrolytes. Pretty awesome, huh? This week, I made a smoothie of coconut milk, banana, strawberries and a little raw honey. I couldn't drink very much but it really boosted my energy. I always have a can of this in my pantry.

Brown rice
For some reason, brown rice is mild to eat when one is sick and it stops the big "D" like no other. My friend Christine of The Baker's Daughter says her mom used to make rice pudding with it. Short grain brown rice works best for this. I make the rice according to the proportions on the package and substitute coconut milk for the water. Add a little honey, vanilla or cinnamon to taste for a nourishing and palatable treat. Works great for kids who don't want to eat. You can always blend it if you like smoother textured pudding.

If you don't want to make rice pudding or don't like the texture, you can always just make regular brown rice with or without chicken broth.

Blackberry Jam
Anecdotal information says that blackberry jam might be helpful. Blackberries are nutritious and have some fiber that might slow things down a little. They taste great in yogurt or a smoothie. Just be sure your jam is mostly berries with just a little sugar - and no corn syrup. Ick.

Sourdough toast or water crackers
We are all about whole grains in this house. In fact, we usually eat Ezekiel bread - a sprouted grain toast. However, those choices are far too fibrous for a tummy recovering from ickiness, so we offer thin slices of sourdough or crackers if "real" food sounds good.

Healing smoothies - easy to digest and a great place to hide healthy ingredients that will stop that diarrhea if it's not gone yet.
Recipe
1 banana
handful of rice (we started doing this recently. It works great!)
handful of frozen blueberries
handful of frozen strawberries
yogurt*
water to desired texture

*Alternately, you can use coconut milk to the texture you desire and throw a bit of applesauce in. In other words, just pick and choose from the food list to make a smoothie you like.

Here are the things to avoid
Caffeine - a diuretic that will wreak havoc on a system that's already taxed. Give your bowels and your adrenals a break and avoid this during illness
Oatmeal - too rough on a sore stomach.
Dairy other than yogurt
Wheat toast - too rough on a tender tummy
Anything acidic like tomato or orange juice.

As usual, I want to clarify that I'm not a doctor or herbalist and this information is not intended to diagnose or cure any diseases. It's meant for informational purposes only and I encourage you to do your research and consult with an herbalist or Naturopathic doctor for more information about herbs - especially if you have a pre-existing medical condition or if you are taking any medication. That said, the reason I love herbs is that they are usually far more gentle on our bodies than over the counter prescriptions and remind our bodies how they are supposed to work!

Be healthy.

Click here for: Part one of Fast and Gentle Remedies for the Big "D"

mine

2010-12-23T08:39:00.000-08:00

i wake before the sun
fully refreshed
a unique sensation when one has small children

feeling the thrill and freedom of early morning
with no one yet awake
no one yet needing me -

pulling on my tennies and clothes
i slip out into the dark morning
moving onto the trail with a smile
for the other early birds
like me, seeking solitude

reveling in -
the way the crisp air hits my face
the smell of wet dirt that fills my nose
the vision of vibrant yellows, oranges and reds
draping the trees
creating a canopy over my head
like a secret hiding place

my lungs expand with the movement that
wakes my limbs
and sends my blood racing
i feel open, clear, happy - timeless
full.of.life

i notice everything around me in a way
that is not possible when i am caring for everyone else

this time is mine
and there is only me

i feel the tug of the clock
it's time to return to the rest of my life
i slip back inside and
my daughter is calling for me

needing what only i can give her

i am ready...

Happy Birthday, Destructo Girl !

2010-12-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

Last night, I sat in my dining room, thinking of what my life was like two years ago in the months before my second daughter was born. It was a crazy time - and it produced a fun, crazy little girl without whom I cannot imagine my life now!

The Ultimate Nester
For some reason, pregnancy always pushes me into high gear. I don't just "nest", I remodel. The first time I was pregnant, I painted (the entire house) and bought new furniture etc. With my youngest, I decided I could NOT bring another baby into a bedroom covered with that nasty carpet from 1971! I envisioned my new baby crawling around on a beautiful, uncluttered, eco-friendly bamboo floor. Aaaannnndddd, we really needed to get that upstairs bathroom done while we were at it!

I tackled the bathroom with military precision. Calendar appointments with contractors were cushioned with time to spare (um, so I thought). We demo-ed the bathroom ourselves (and when I say "we", I mean - mostly Rob).

My hero!!!!

Bathroom after demo

Then, my then 2 year old daughter and I lived through weeks of dust everywhere (well, on the tarps I'd put everywhere) while I gritted my teeth through morning (Haha! ALL DAY) sickness. Everything would be done in plenty of time. And then, as is typical in a house filled with DIVAS - drama hit!

My Big Mistake
One day the contractor, who was supposed to widen the bathroom door and install the new one, called to say he wouldn't make his appointment the next day because he was stuck at a job in Northern Arizona. He offered to send a friend - NOT a contractor - to replace him. Ignoring the nagging feeling in my stomach (intuition, not pregnancy), I agreed.

The next morning, my daughter and I were downstairs when suddenly we heard shouts of horror and some pretty impressive profanity from upstairs. I leaped up those stairs - only to discover that the door guy's "friend" had sliced into the wall without checking what was behind it first and managed to cut through my a/c water pipe. Like a bad movie, water was spraying everywhere and pouring through the floor into the downstairs.

I ran to my neighbor's house to ask him how to shut it off and he raced back to my house and took over. He shut off the pipe and then barked orders at all three of the guys who were there - to clean up the mess. Thank goodness for great neighbors - and the men who cleaned up for me! Never, ever ignore your wise stomach!

The Second Big Surprise
Undeterred by the dust and the waterfall through my ceiling, I pressed on to the new flooring. (Think I'm crazy? It's HORMONES people!! Geez!) With 1 month and a half (maybe slightly less) to go, we ripped out the carpet (well, Rob did - hehehe...) and had the bamboo delivered. It was BEE-Utiful! But when the installation guys arrived, they promptly informed us that our sub-floor had dry rotted and we'd have to replace it before they could install the wood flooring. We found a contractor and after only a week's delay, we were ready to go...so we thought.

The installation guys returned, checked the humidity levels of the bamboo and the floor but they weren't close enough yet. But, we had chosen materials they'd never before used so they were unfamiliar with it. But in the meantime, knowing I was close to delivering, they assured me they'd come every few days to check it. Weeks went by and the wood wasn't acclimating (so we thought). Later we'd discover the special wood required a special humidity monitor.

In the meantime, ALL our stuff from upstairs - furniture, dressers, clothing & linens etc - was packed into our two downstairs rooms - along with us. Just imagine. It seems unbelievable now! We slept on an air mattress (actually, we went through three) for at least 2 1/2 months. You try rolling off an air mattress in a hurry to reach the bathroom when you're nine months pregnant. Hahaha! Not a pretty sight!! Our stuff was everywhere and chaotic at its neatest. I would show you pics but I couldn't find them.

Did I mention we were planning a home birth?

Then it gets worse
Two weeks before D-day, our oldest woke with stomach flu. She slept all day, running a mild fever. We kept her hydrated and watched her closely. She slept on the couch while I rested on the air mattress. That evening, she woke up and crawled over to me to snuggle. Then, promptly emptied what little was in her stomach all over me and the mattress. Ugh. After we got her all cleaned up and changed the sheets, she fell asleep. In moments, she began having a bad dream, shouting "NO! I don't want to go with you!!!" (Yikes!) and her temp shot up rapidly - resulting in a febrile seizure. It was pretty scary. But, after several hours in the hospital, we came home exhausted and she was ok.

I finally listen...
The weekend my youngest was born, I called in reinforcements. My sister Susie came over and helped me paint the two upstairs bedrooms and bathroom (no way was I delivering in a bathroom painted an ugly color!). Once we finished painting, my intuition spoke up again. I heard - "Just straighten up. Make sure you can find everything you need for the baby." This time I listened. So, Susie helped me clean up - and I ignored everything else I'd planned to do. (Thank you Susie!!!!)

Sure enough, when I woke the next morning, those Braxton Hicks felt different. That night, my daughter arrived - a week early - in my own bathtub. (Good thing I did that first!) We had everything we needed. The next morning we woke - on the air mattress with our newborn - to the sound of the doorbell. We'd forgotten that the floor guys were coming to check the floor again! And you know what? We were just fine - in the middle of the craziness - without a perfectly installed eco-friendly bamboo floor. You can read about our homebirth here and why I chose homebirth here.

Thinking of those days makes me laugh. We learned so much about being together - I mean really together. We learned to be patient and content with where we were in that moment, to take deep breaths and trust that things would work out in the end. We learned to laugh at the ridiculousness of the circumstances and enjoy the process.

I think that's what we see most in our youngest - besides her ability to keep our home in a constant state of chaos. We see her laughing and enjoying every moment. From the time she wakes in the morning till she falls into bed at night, she is smiling or laughing and trying to draw us into her fun. She tells us "jokes" all the time and laughs uproariously at herself.

I love so much about her -
her laughter
her smile
her ridiculous jokes, "what does a turkey say? Bok, bok" Huh???
her determination to figure things out and get where she wants to go
her sweet little phrases - "I hold you mommy"
the tiny hands she slips into mine all day
her favorite nighttime story, "Can we read Pinkali-cious, Mommy?" (well...when you say it like that!)

I even - dare I say it? - love the chaos she adds to our life and the clutter she spreads on that beautiful bamboo floor. Our lives would be so boring without it!

Happy Birthday Destructo Girl!! I love you.

my local coffee shop

2010-12-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

dj mixing it up on the turntable
the visions of local artists lining the walls
fragrant coffee and freshly baked food scenting the air
a line stretching out the door
the energy of people - anticipating -
a cup of coffee
a freshly made pastry
a smile from the barista who remembers their names
a day full of possibility...